tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88078817474592536962024-03-18T06:27:20.110-05:00Mindfulness and Transformation:Posting in the early morning most TuesdaysMindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.comBlogger770125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-30245711622365335862024-03-12T03:00:00.001-05:002024-03-12T03:00:00.344-05:00Just the Perfect Blendship<p>i've never been one to need close friends. some would say i'm a loner, but my dearest friend is myself. the time i have to spend with myself is something i treasure. loneliness and boredom are very foreign to me. as i've aged, the enjoyment of being with others has grown, though. we moved to the northern part of our state to be near some close relatives that we've always enjoyed visiting. after we moved, we spent a great deal of time with them, going on several long trips and getting together often for meals and to play games. after the first couple of years, though, we didn't get together as often. their health declined, and they were frequently not well enough to spend time with us, and lengthy trips were out of the question.</p><p><br /></p><p>to my surprise, i found myself missing our get-togethers and resented their inability to travel and join us for evenings of meals and game-playing. we've become friends with another couple who are several years older than we are but who are still quite active. we have much in common, including our political leanings and backgrounds. i love spending time with them and hope that i can be as vital as they are when i'm their age. when circumstances prevent our weekly visits, i find myself missing them and looking forward to a time when we can be with one another.</p><p><br /></p><p>it's so important to have companionship, especially as we age. the experts tell us that close friendships prolong our lives, and i believe them. may we all find others with whom we can enjoy ourselves. may each of us love ourselves and let our love carry over to others. as we age, may we enlarge our circle of love to embrace as many people as we can. shalom.</p>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-40000268566904836572024-03-05T03:00:00.001-06:002024-03-05T03:00:00.156-06:00With Each New Day<p>each day when i awaken, i have a plan for the day. in a way, that's good. it enables me to get things done in an orderly fashion and to have a sense of accomplishment at the end of most days . the downside of this process is that when things don't go according to plan, i'm frustrated and angry. i feel as if i've failed. i am trying to let go of my need to have everything go as i would wish. while i may still have goals for the day, i want to learn to let the day take its course without me forcing it to follow a preconceived sequence.</p><p><br /></p><p>for instance, one day i wanted to get some practicing in for next sunday's service and i needed to pick up some things from the grocery store. later in the day we had friends coming over to play cards and have dinner. my usual plan for the day would be quite detailed, with breakfast at a precise time, followed by getting dressed for the day, arriving at the church for practice at a pre-determined time, followed by a trip to the grocery store, with my arrival back home by a set time to prepare for our friends' visit. my pattern for the day would be rigid, and failure to keep to my timetable would result in trying to hurry through the process to stay on schedule. </p><p><br /></p><p>instead, i let go of my timetable. i had a more leisurely morning, yet everything i hoped to accomplish got done. without the dictatorship of the clock, i enjoyed my day more and went to bed more relaxed and woke up refreshed and ready for another day. i hope to make each day follow the same pattern. may we each let go of the unreasonable demands we make on ourselves. may we allow each day to be what it wants to be. may we be grateful for the little joys each day has to offer us. shalom.</p><div><br /></div>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-20554137046070095552024-02-27T03:00:00.001-06:002024-02-27T03:00:00.146-06:00You’ve got to be taught to hate and fear<div>we are in the midst of another presidential race in this country. we watch as donald trump blusters through his rallies and court appearances, spewing venom and encouraging his followers to hate as he hates. it is easy to sit on my moral high horse and look down with contempt on him and his supporters. that is not what a follower of jesus and of the buddha should be doing. each day i say, "may i develop the perfect understanding, may i be filled with lovingkindness and compassion," then i refuse to have those qualities for some people.</div><div><br /></div><div>this morning, i'm thinking about how to develop understanding, lovingkindness, and compassion for donald trump and those who support him. i want to see them as human beings with whom i have more in common than i admit. i want to be accepting of them without embracing their ideology, to love them even when they seem to be filled with anger and hatred. i have no right to pat myself on the back for my virtues when my heart is filled with contempt for them.</div><div><br /></div><div>i need to consider what may have happened in the lives of those who are so filled with anger toward others, to seek to understand how they have come to embrace this bitterness and sense of victimhood. as the song from the musical, "the king and i," says, "before you are six or seven or eight, you've got to be taught to hate all the people your relatives hate." the prejudices and bigotry that has come to expression in the maga crowd are inherited from past generations. only the will to look at the world differently can change these vile patterns.</div><div><br /></div><div>may we turn from those inherited ways of thinking and seeing others. may we have compassion and love rather than hatred and condemnation. may we see the humanity in all those around us, even those who do not see our humanity. shalom.</div>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-26911848161680620632024-02-20T03:00:00.001-06:002024-02-20T03:00:00.130-06:00In the Sweet By and By<p>a friend of ours passed away a few days ago. she had been ill for about a year and was to have a couple of surgeries that might have enabled her to live longer. before the operations could take place, she had a hemorrhage that brought her life to an end. my wife and i attended her funeral service in a local funeral home. she was well-loved in the community, as indicated by the large number who were present.</p><p><br /></p><p>the minister who officiated at the funeral spoke of the example she had set for others, of her great love for her family, and of her years of teaching young children in church. the main thrust of his remarks was the "rightness" of her beliefs that would enable her to spend an eternity in heaven where she would be reunited with her husband and other loved ones. he urged any of those present who had not made a "decision for jesus" to make such a commitment, lest they miss out on heaven.</p><p><br /></p><p>i left the funeral home troubled by what he had said. i wanted to hear him tell us how her dedication to the teachings of jesus had made her the beloved person that she was. i can't share his certainty in what comes after this life ends. no one can know what happens after death except to know that the person who has died ceases to exist as we know them. we don't follow jesus out of a selfish desire to live in an eternal heaven after we die. we follow him because his teachings compel us to live a meaningful life of service to others.</p><p><br /></p><p>may we live life in the now, not in a pie-in-sky hope of heaven. may we love, not because doing so will give us a key to paradise, but because it is the best way to live. may we live the best life we can each moment without worrying about whether we've adopted the right beliefs to get us into heaven. shalom.</p>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-28932490802248615752024-02-13T03:00:00.001-06:002024-02-13T03:00:00.138-06:00Now I Need a Place<p>yesterday, my wife and i embarked on an outing that we had been looking forward to all week. as we left, i was excited about the prospect of a day out with my wife. as we drove toward our destination, i began to feel depressed and lethargic. this feeling persisted all day long, and i couldn't account for it. my wife, who was driving, decided along the way to forego our first stop because of the timing. that was the stop i had been looking forward to most. at first i was angry and started to tell her how disappointed i was but decided to keep my feelings to myself.</p><p><br /></p><p>as the day went on, we were both somewhat let down by our trip. items we had planned to purchase weren't available. our lunch took an interminable time to arrive. the day was exhausting, and as we drove home we both expressed our sense of frustration that the trip had not been all we had hoped it would be. the days leading up to the trip were busy, and perhaps we were just exhausted from all that had gone before. perhaps we had such high expectations for our outing that we were saddened by the day's inability to live up to them. </p><p><br /></p><p>this is a pattern that happens with some frequency in each of our lives. we build up expectations and are saddened when reality is something different. when this happens, we shouldn't feel guilty about our disappointment, but instead recognize that this is part of being human. everything can't always go as we would wish. there's nothing wrong with feeling angry or sad when things go awry. what we have to do is accept our humanity and learn from these misadventures, turning disappointment into gratitude.</p><p><br /></p><p>may we accept our humanness. may we be grateful when things don't go as we would wish. may we recognize and embrace our emotions, even those that are negative. may each experience be an opportunity to grow and learn. shalom.</p><div><br /></div>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-47850831799984388622024-02-06T03:00:00.001-06:002024-02-06T03:00:00.137-06:00To Be Sheltered and Safe<p>why do we wound ourselves over and over with the same arrows? why can't we let go of our anger and our self-inflicted punishments? we tell ourselves that we are learning from our mistakes but, in reality, we're giving our minds the power to keep us in a constant state of agitation. i remember my anger with our former president and my persistent attention to anti-trump commentators on television. there was nothing i could do to stop trump from holding his hatred-filled rallies or sending out tweets filled with invective and lies. yet i was perpetually angry that such a person exists and that so many people have become his devotees. what good did i accomplish with my anger? trump continues on his destructive path and his loyal followers continue to proclaim what they see as his greatness.</p><p><br /></p><p>i think, too, of a close friend who had become upset with the church he attends and with its pastor. every time we got together, he wanted to talk about the latest offense the pastor had committed and to restate all the ways the church caused him to be distressed. his wife kept telling him to look for positive aspects to his relationship with their church. my wife and i asked him why he continued to put himself through such torment when there were other churches around that wouldn't affect him in this way. no solution offered to him would assuage his anger until he finally realized that he couldn't change the way things were at his church. he either had to accept them and follow his wife's advice or stay angry, since he was unwilling to quit attending this church because of his wife's loyalty to it, even though she agreed with most of his criticisms. fortunately for him, he was able to let go of his anger and frustration and move on from this fixation with something he couldn't change.</p><p><br /></p><p>this is a pattern that we often follow. rather than realizing that our anger changes nothing, we persist in it. may we stop our minds from filling us with anger. may we rationally consider our options and choose one that does not cause us to suffer. may we be at peace with ourselves and with others. shalom.</p><p> </p>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-19276596159531164862024-01-30T03:00:00.001-06:002024-01-30T03:00:00.143-06:00Isn't She Lovely<p>a few months ago, we went to dinner with my son and his partner. We could see excitement in their faces when they walked into the restaurant. after they were seated at our table and we had exchanged the usual pleasantries, they said they had something to tell us. we were mystified by their obvious elation, and we were completely bowled over when they said they were expecting a baby. our son is in his mid-forties and his partner is in her late thirties, and we had given up on the idea of ever having a grandchild. we were thrilled, of course, and the two of them were clearly overjoyed with the prospect of being parents.</p><p><br /></p><p>the pregnancy has gone smoothly. they have gone to birthing classes together and moved into another house that was better suited to housing their small family. they've spent the last few weeks redoing the house and setting up a beautiful nursery. they've collected all the necessary equipment, furnishings, and clothing for the baby. today, we're going over to the town where they live for a baby shower being given by two of their friends and will get to meet the happy mother's parents and see their new home in person. </p><p><br /></p><p>there is something about the realization that you are a part of the miracle of creation that can't be duplicated by any other experience. i can remember the overwhelming joy that my wife and i experienced when we learned that we were becoming parents. may each of us know the thrill of unconditional love for another being. may we marvel at the continuum of bringing new life into the world. may we be filled with gratitude as we recognize our part in the miracle of birth. shalom.</p>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-56036515255193532932024-01-23T03:00:00.002-06:002024-01-29T07:16:15.756-06:00Wish You Were Here<p>i was awakened this morning with a dream fresh in my mind. in it, i was saying goodbye to some former teachers and expressing my appreciation to them. these were not teachers who had been a part of my life. they were characters who were unknown to me, and i couldn't understand where these folks had come from or why they had emerged in my dream. in my state of being barely awake, i also wondered what the dream's meaning was. </p><p><br /></p><p>as i thought about it, all i could figure out was that my mind was reminding me that i had never expressed my gratitude to many who had played important roles in my life as i grew up. i remembered my piano teacher with whom i studied for eleven years. once i graduated from high school, i never returned to see her and express my appreciation for all she had taught me. i thought of many of my friends with whom i lost contact over the years and for whom i still have a deep affection. i felt guilty for failing to convey my gratitude to so many people who are valued by me.</p><p><br /></p><p>then, i reminded myself that this is the way of life. there are so many whose lives i have touched who no longer stay in contact with me and who have never thanked me for the help i gave them. it's not because they are ungrateful, but it is impossible to maintain all our relationships from the past and carry on with our lives. we repay the beneficial influence of others by paying forward the gifts they have given us. as much as we would like to continue relationships with all those who played important roles in our lives, we have our responsibilities and relationships to maintain in the present. we can continue to feel gratitude for the past, but we can't let it weigh us down when the present is all we are able to deal with.</p><p><br /></p><p>may we take time to remember those who have been good influences in our lives and express our gratitude to them as time allows. may we repay past helpers by following their example in the present. may we not weigh ourselves down with guilt for that which cannot be helped. may we correct past failings when it is possible to do so. shalom.</p>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-29481566746531150302024-01-16T03:00:00.001-06:002024-01-16T03:00:00.132-06:00The World's Fierce Winds<p>as i was meditating a few days ago, my mind dredged up an incident from over thirty years ago when i made a foolish, embarrassing mistake. i began to berate myself for this long-ago lapse of judgment, and then i caught myself. another voice inside me told me that what was in the past needed to stay there, that i mustn't continue to punish myself for something that i could not change. i told myself to focus on the present and to let the past go. i realized that my mind was not my friend at that moment.</p><p><br /></p><p>this sort of thing happens so often. as i was driving through town listening to the radio shortly after this realization, a commentator said much the same thing. he said, "we remember the bad things that happen to us and often forget the good, even though the good far outweighs the bad," or words to that effect. how true this is! our minds constantly seek to control us rather than the other way around. this is why we must train our minds to serve us rather than to punish us. </p><p><br /></p><p>meditation can sometimes be a curse, because the mind has the opportunity to bring up bad things from the past, interrupting our calm stillness, as it seeks to assert control over us. we must remind ourselves that our minds are not who we are in the depth of our being. the focus on our breath takes us away from the tyrant that is our mind, drawing us to our true selves, thus allowing our true nature to take control of the mind.</p><p><br /></p><p>may we rein in our minds when they do us harm or bring out the worst in us. may we learn from our mistakes with gratitude for the lessons they teach us without their arrows repeatedly wounding us. may we have confidence in the breath, rather than in the mind. may we experience true peace. shalom.</p>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-81338336924685864492024-01-09T03:00:00.001-06:002024-01-09T03:00:00.133-06:00Let It Be<p>this week one of the things i've worked on has been reframing how i react to the petty annoyances that are bound to occur in my daily life. my intention has been, and continues to be, to see these little bumps as opportunities to learn and to be grateful for them. when i knocked my coffee cup over and spilled coffee on the floor, i wasn't happy about my clumsiness, but i was able to act quickly to minimize the damage and smile at myself for being human. when i wasn't able to get around to one of my last chores of putting away christmas lights, i didn't become frustrated and angry, but i recognized that i had already accomplished much that day and accepted the truth that the world wasn't changed for the worse by delaying my little job another day or two.</p><p><br /></p><p>so often, we miss out on the joy of life because we get caught up in having things turn out just the way we want them to. little accidents occur and plans go awry. we wouldn't be living if that weren't so. the secret is to recognize that minor annoyances are part of life and accept them, smiling at ourselves for being human.</p><p><br /></p><p>may we accept our humanity. may we smile instead of becoming angry and irritated. may we be thankful for the opportunity to learn and to let go of the need to control every moment. may we relish the flow of life, even the bumps in the road. shalom. </p>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-88654082475091837382024-01-02T03:00:00.001-06:002024-01-02T03:00:00.131-06:00That Kind of Fool<p>i missed blogging last week because we had a house full of company for christmas. it was hard to find a moment to myself to write. i've decided to do more of a journaling blog. so here is my first of these attempts.</p><p><br /></p><p>this morning i listened to a talk by one of my teachers on the insight app. in it, he talked about intentionality, of how we make a choice either to live with the intention of controlling our minds or to choose to let life happen and react to it. as he talked about happiness, i realized that i'm happier than i've ever been in my life. life is easier than it used to be. i find joy in the little moments that crop up in my life. i am more helpful to others, especially to my wife. it's fun to do the necessary chores around the house, not because they have to be done, but because they make our lives more pleasant.</p><p><br /></p><p>i find, too, that my wife is happier. she doesn't fret as much about not having time to do everything that needs to be done. she can do what she can one day, leaving the rest for another day, without worrying that she couldn't accomplish all she intended. she goes to bed with a sense of accomplishment and looks forward to what may be accomplished when she awakens. our lives together are more a partnership than they were in the past, and we rejoice in them. may our happiness in our marriage continue. </p><p><br /></p><p>may others see the joy we find in life. may it be our intention to control our minds rather than allowing our minds to control us. shalom.</p>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-82340792690477402672023-12-19T03:00:00.001-06:002023-12-19T03:00:00.146-06:00Olden Times and Ancient Rhymes<p>during this busy time of year, it's easy to get caught up in the tasks that we feel must be done. the decorating, the cooking, the gift-buying and wrapping, and the preparations for christmas guests can consume us so that we don't take the time to appreciate the season's magical qualities. i hear people saying in voices filled with frustration that they don't know how they'll ever get everything done.</p><p><br /></p><p> i must admit to feeling a little of this pre-christmas anxiety. i haven't wrapped any of the presents i'm giving my wife, and i'm not sure when i'm going to take care of that chore. my wife and i spent some time yesterday figuring out when to cook each dish we need to have ready for our guests when they come next weekend. we want to have as much as possible done in advance so that we can spend time with them rather than in the kitchen. we hope our prior planning will make life easier for us and give us a more relaxing christmas weekend. </p><p> </p><p>perhaps this is a part of being mindful: to stop and think through how to accomplish what is needed, thus developing a plan to help us avoid a last minute panic. i can remember years when christmas arrived and i was too exhausted with preparing for it that i couldn't enjoy it. when i talked with my sister on the phone yesterday, she reminded me of how tired our mother often was at christmas because of all the work she had to do leading up to it. as the rest of the family celebrated together, she was busy in the kitchen. when she finally was able to sit down, she had no energy left to enjoy what should have been a festive season for her as well.</p><p> </p><p>may we remember to take time for reflection. may we see what the purpose of all the preparation is rather than being so caught up in the process. may we simplify our lives when we can and think of ways to give ourselves time to just be in the moment. may busyness not become a goal itself. may we enjoy all that this season offers us. shalom.</p><p> </p>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-73553346083117368542023-12-12T03:00:00.001-06:002023-12-12T03:00:00.139-06:00Up a Lazy River<p>my wife was raised in a household where the prevailing philosophy was "idle hands are the devil's workshop." she and her siblings were taught that they must always be busy at some task, except when they were eating or sleeping. their father was a stern man who worked from home, so the children never had a minute at home when he was not supervising them. their mother worked in a sweatshop making coats eight hours a day and then returned home to clean and cook. none of the family ever had a minute to spare. if one of the children completed an assigned job, that child was given another assignment, even if a needless job had to be invented.</p><p><br /></p><p>their father, who operated a car repair shop attached to the home, might empty a coffee can full of different sizes of washers and order one of the children to sort them by size. he might send a child in search of a certain tool, all the while knowing that it was in the pocket of his coveralls. that child didn't dare stop searching until her father "discovered" the tool in his pocket. he kept a collection of wrecked cars to scavenge for parts. as soon as they could see over the dashboard, the children had to drive these vehicles out into a field beside his garage every morning. every evening they had to be driven back from the field into the parking area in front of the garage. there was no reason for this shifting of the old wrecks, except that it gave the children practice at driving and created a job for them.</p><p><br /></p><p>as can be imagined, this constant insistence on work carried over into the children's adult lives. my wife and her siblings can't sit and relax without feeling guilty. they are constantly finding reasons to be up and "doing something useful." my wife will tell me that the next day she's going to take some time just to unwind, but when the next day comes, she begins it with a recitation of jobs that she intends to accomplish. by the time all her list is completed or she gives some of them up in exhaustion, the unwinding time is gone. over the years, she has come to realize that there is more to life than constantly working at something. she can now sit down and visit with guests, even though there may be jobs that need doing. she can sit down in the evenings after the kitchen is cleaned and watch television or play on her ipad. a few years ago, such time spent relaxing would not have been possible for her.</p><p><br /></p><p>we visited one of her sisters over thanksgiving and watched as she worked all the time we were there. she couldn't sit through a meal without getting up several times to fetch something that was needed or to wait on one of the others who were gathered around the table. another of her sisters is the same. i don't believe either of them has ever completed a meal undisturbed. my wife often tells her sisters that there is more to life than work, and she tries her best to take time to stop and enjoy her life without feeling compelled to "be busy." while my wife works far too much, i'm glad she has been able to slow down a bit and take time for herself. i've learned that she can let go of some of her work if i work along with her, helping her finish her to-do list more quickly. </p><p><br /></p><p>may we each let go of the compulsion to constantly keep busy. may we allow ourselves the freedom to just be still. may we learn to appreciate the sweetness of doing nothing. shalom. </p>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-26150650609605299872023-12-05T03:00:00.001-06:002023-12-05T03:00:00.144-06:00I Am Coming Home to Me<p>on the sunday before thanksgiving, the minister who preached in the service for which i played spoke of jesus' need for self-care. he told of how jesus would withdraw from the world to go off by himself to a place of quiet to renew himself. i thought of how each of us needs to learn from the example of people like jesus and the buddha. these great teachers were filled with compassion for others, but they also knew how to have compassion for themselves. they recognized that they needed quiet time for themselves in order to be able to meet the needs of others.</p><p><br /></p><p>over the past several years, i've learned that i need this time each morning to focus on myself and prepare for the day ahead. i won't be kind to others if i'm not first kind to myself. no matter how busy the day ahead is, my time of meditation and quiet is essential if i am to accomplish what needs to be done. it is not time wasted but rather time that is essential to my mental and emotional well-being. i believe that this contemplative practice is something each of us should find time for. we need to let our minds be free, to still the busy chatter that fills our consciousness, and simply be still with our breath.</p><p><br /></p><p>from this stillness of mind arises the capacity for lovingkindness, compassion, tolerance, empathy, and forgiveness. if we can't have these qualities for ourselves, how can we have them for others? there is so little quiet in modern life, what with the noise of the media and traffic, the tyranny of the clock ticking, the endless list of what needs to be done, and the chatter of our minds. it is imperative that we begin and end our days with some silent time during which our minds are at ease and our bodies are still.</p><p> </p><p>may we find the "me" time that we all need. may we remember that our minds are not who we are. may we carry the sense of stillness into each day and slow down while the world whirls around us. shalom.</p>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-82337488723350707052023-11-28T03:00:00.001-06:002023-11-28T03:00:00.141-06:00For All - Not Just for Some<p>when i awakened this morning and went into the great room of our home, i looked at the beautiful christmas lights and decorations that surrounded me, and i thought of a relative of my wife's who finds no joy in christmas or any other time of the year. i knew then that i wanted to write about my feelings toward her and how to change myself to see her differently.</p><p><br /></p><p>this woman (i'll call her "j") is filled with bitterness and anger. she finds it impossible to get along with anyone, including her husband and daughter. j is suspicious of all who show her kindness, attributing their good intentions to a desire to take advantage of her in some way. everywhere she has lived, she has made enemies of her neighbors. my wife used to call j to try and keep up some sort of relationship with her, but every call turned into a disagreement, and j frequently ended the call abruptly and hung up. finally my wife decided that trying to maintain the relationship was not worth the pain it caused.</p><p><br /></p><p>just a couple of weeks ago, we discovered through another relative (j's sister"k") that j has moved with her husband, who is quite ill and over ninety years old, to the pacific northwest where j's daughter and grandchildren had moved. k had called to check on j and asked j the name of the suburban town to which she was moving. j claimed she couldn't recall the name of the town, much less her new address. k had to contact j's daughter to find out the information and share it with the rest of the family.</p><p><br /></p><p>my wife decided that she would not initiate any contact with j, but leave it to her to contact us, since it appears that j doesn't want other family members to know what is going on in her life. my wife was deeply hurt that this relative would make such a move and fail to inform the family of her contact information. </p><p><br /></p><p>as i sit here, i think of how sad j's life must be. she hates her husband, has a strained relationship with her daughter, and finds reasons to alienate her neighbors wherever she lives. she believes that everyone is out to get her, that all who are kind to her are only trying to take advantage of her in some way. i'm trying to open my heart to her and to imagine her as a small, mistreated child. in the family, we know that her father was physically and emotionally abusive to her and her siblings and that her childhood was a misery. we know that her first husband, though not physically abusive, was self-centered and controlling, offering her almost no emotional support. as i think about that relationship, i try to imagine how awful life must have been for her, having gone from an abusive father to a husband that was little better.</p><p><br /></p><p>i can't walk in her shoes, but i can try to picture her as a frightened child and unloved wife. every male figure in her life injured her. her present husband holds her captive by his illness, and she is now little more than his servant and care-giver. she has been forced to give up the things she loves to do to care for him. she had an outlet through the music program in her church, where she sang in the choir, played in the church orchestra, and had begun violin lessons. his illness ended all that. now she is more bitter and angry than ever. i can do little to help her, but i can try to understand how she has come to be the person she is and have compassion for her.</p><p><br /></p><p>may she see the harm she does herself and others. may we see how easy it would be to become like her if we had experienced the pain she has suffered. may we realize that there are many who are suffering just as j is and help them in any way we can. may we love without condition and, at the same time, may we accept that we can't solve another's problems for them. shalom.</p>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-40327460822530657812023-11-21T06:32:00.000-06:002023-11-21T06:32:33.902-06:00We Struggle to Be Human and Search<p>the older i get, the less certain i am that i have the answers to many of life's most important questions. when i was younger, i was convinced of who God is and of my place in the world. i believed everything i had been taught about religion and its role in my life. now, it seems more salient to question than to rely on beliefs i inherited from others. my sense is that there is truth in many schools of thought and that there is more than one way to access the divine.</p><p><br /></p><p>those who claim to have the answers repel me. when someone says that God has spoken to them, i am suspicious. such assertions suggest that, since someone has received a message from God, that person's beliefs must be beyond question. if we doubt them, we're refusing "God's message" and messenger. i am no longer convinced that God has a plan for every individual or group. i don't belive in "divine missions." i don't believe that this country or any country is favored by God.</p><p><br /></p><p>as i watch what is happening in israel/palestine, i am reminded of the biblical story of the people of israel. i think of their dramatic escape from slavery in egypt, their arduous journey to the "promised land." i recall the mass murders they committed, supposedly on orders from God, as they conquered the inhabitants of what became israel. that ancient battle, which likely is not entirely factual, continues in this small parcel of land, and my heart breaks for all the suffering that both israelis and palestinians continue to endure. why must an enmity that dates back thousands of years continue? why can't palestinians and jews live together peaceably in this land? if the continued blood-letting is ordained by God, what sort of God must we worship!</p><p><br /></p><p>we do great harm to ourselves and others in the name of religion and claim that God has given us the answers. those who disagree must be wrong, since they are not accepting what we are convinced is what God has ordained. we use religion as an excuse to force our own will on others, when in reality it is control over others that we seek. claiming God's blessing on our oppression of others is a convenient excuse for our destructive behavior.</p><p><br /></p><p>may we be persistent in questioning the teachings that have been passed down to us. may we never accept something as truth without investigation. may we admit our own folly rather than using religion as a cover for our failings. may we be tolerant of the viewpoints of others, realizing that no one has a monopoly on truth. may love be more important than control. shalom.</p><p><br /></p>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-53560825224641367702023-11-14T03:00:00.001-06:002023-11-14T03:00:00.147-06:00A Time to Be Born, A Time to Die<p>each time i write a blog post i end it with the english rendering, "shalom," of a hebrew word. this word has so many meanings and encompasses much of what we humans work toward and need. shalom is that which we seek and only find when we realize that we cannot control anything beyond ourselves. shalom is peace. shalom is unity. shalom is wholeness. shalom is oneness with the universe. shalom is the interconnectedness of everything that is. shalom is hello. shalom is goodbye. shalom is wellness.</p><p><br /></p><p>how do we find the wholeness, the unity, the "oneness," the health that is included in these six letters? this is the quest on which many of us find ourselves. perhaps shalom comes when we let go of the self that clings and craves. this monumental task may take a lifetime. as i look around me, i see a room filled with beautiful things collected over many years. i ask myself how important are these things to me. they represent so much of my history, and it will be difficult to let them go when the time comes. </p><p><br /></p><p>our lives are filled with the desire to cling to the things we hold dear. we don't want to think of the time when those we love will be gone, or when we ourselves will end this present life, or when we must surrender much of what we have accumulated because we can no longer care for it. but these things are not who or what we are. they are a part of us and we are one with them, just as the memories that they evoke are a part of us.</p><p><br /></p><p>the same is true of what we call the "self." it is not who or what we are. shalom means sensing that all-that-is is part of the wholeness of being. everything is connected, and each of the parts of "everything" is necessary to the whole without being that whole itself. i am my own mother, my father, my sister, my brother, my friend, just as each person we meet and each person we hold dear is all of those things. we are one, and yet "i" am not one, but a part of "one."</p><p><br /></p><p>to achieve shalom, i must learn to be at one with all that is. the more i realize that the whole is more than the sum of its parts, the more i live in shalom, in wholeness. so this day i wish "shalom" to each one of us who is a part of the whole. may we each see how we are connected. may we sense the vibrations of the seeming inanimate objects that we encounter as part of the connection that unifies the whole. may we see that our memories are shared memories of all that is, all that has gone before, and all that will be. may we accept the continuity of life that flows from the past and into the future and know that we are a part of that continuum. shalom.</p>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-60851708248421534812023-11-07T03:00:00.003-06:002023-11-07T03:00:00.154-06:00That Made Us Mellow<p>this week's post has been unusually difficult for me, so I'm taking a little extra time before i post it. in the meantime, may i wish each of you shalom. may you be filled with lovingkindness, compassion, health, and peace.</p>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-70060833220661576482023-10-31T03:00:00.001-05:002023-10-31T03:00:00.154-05:00The Corners of My Mind<p>each time i pick up our local newspaper, one of the things i skim through is the obituary page. i seldom know those whose deaths are recorded there, but i note the ages of each person when they died. i am reminded of how near to their ages i am and how grateful i should be to be alive and to be healthy. i am also reminded that death can come at any moment, regardless of age or seeming health. each day is a gift that we cannot earn, no matter how well we take care of ourselves. each of us should be grateful for that gift and vow to make the most of it.</p><p><br /></p><p>i am close friends with a couple whose lives have been long, happy, and fruitful. one member of this pair is 88, and the other is 92. it is fascinating to hear them recount their experiences from their youth to the present. i am amazed at their youthfulness, despite their advanced ages. though they are almost twenty years older than i am, they seem as full of life and as healthy as my wife and i. they take care of a large home with a full, finished basement, as well as a huge yard that fills at least an acre, with many trees, flower beds, and fences to trim around. their yard is full of plantings that are well-maintained, and their home is always spotless. part of their good health is the necessity of taking care of their home and yard, which includes frequent trips up and down the stairs from level of their home to the other.</p><p><br /></p><p>last night, my wife and i watched a movie about a woman who was forced her to give up the home in which she and her husband had raised their two children because she was no longer able to care for it. her home was filled with happy memories. everywhere she looked, she was reminded of her husband who had died several years before and of family celebrations that had been high points in her life. she fought mightily to stay in her home, but a series of events convinced her that she could no longer remain there. after trying to live with her daughter and her daughter's family, she realized that the best choice for her was to move to a retirement home where she could make new friends and have assistance with the daily necessities of life. the inspiring point of the movie was seeing her embrace the opportunity to move on to the next stage of her life, as she saw that she could no longer live the life her younger self had loved.</p><p><br /></p><p>may we each acknowledge that life is a series of changes to which we must adapt. may we accept the aging of our bodies and work to keep ourselves as healthy as we can. may we keep our minds active and engaged as we grow older. may we impart what wisdom we can to those who follow us. shalom.</p><p><br /></p>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-11010482787072790222023-10-24T03:00:00.001-05:002023-10-24T03:00:00.139-05:00To Ever Be Sincere and True<p>we have returned from our trip, and i'm glad to begin writing again. while it was nice to have a break, i missed creating a little post for each week. my thoughts lately have been about what goes on in my mind and comes out of my mouth regarding other people. it's easy to be critical but hard to think only of the good in others. i suppose most of us see others' faults but we are not inclined to look for their virtues. it has been my intention for the past several days to "think kindly of others, and not to become angry or think badly of others." this is a phrase i have repeated to myself every morning for many months, but recently i have been trying to live out this intention more mindfully.</p><p><br /></p><p>i tell myself that, when i fail in my intention, i can forgive myself and renew my resolve. the mind has a natural bent toward seeing what is bad rather than looking for the good. our psyches are programmed in this way, and it takes much reprogramming to turn from this natural impulse. buddhism teaches that we can train our minds, and it is my hope that by making it a special intention each day that i can learn to see the good in others and refrain from criticising the bad.</p><p><br /></p><p>we cannot discern why others act and think in certain ways. we don't often have detailed knowledge of their past, of their upbringing, of the factors that made them as they are. what we see as faults in others may be misunderstood. a person who is brusque and seems rude may not be so intentionally. when we get to know such a person quite well, we often find that what we perceive as rudeness is something very different. they may have been forbidden from speaking openly and honestly as children and forced to hide their natural exuberance in a "children should be seen and not heard" sort of household, so their speech patterns are short and to the point, while underneath their manner of addressing others is a tender heart. ours is not to judge but to accept, to look beyond what seems to be and to try and discern the underlying truth.</p><p><br /></p><p>may we look kindly on others, even when it seems difficult. may we not dwell on their faults, but seek out their virtues. may we be accepting, even when it is easier to reject. may we not build ourselves up by tearing down others. may we love without condition. shalom.</p>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-50689577702608690272023-10-03T03:00:00.001-05:002023-10-03T03:00:00.138-05:00Out in the Highways and Byways of Life<p>i am traveling with my wife for the next two weeks, so i will not be posting to my blog. during this time, may you be filled with happiness, peace, health, lovingkindness, and compassion. shalom.</p>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-7889740654139867782023-09-26T03:00:00.001-05:002023-09-26T03:00:00.145-05:00They Have Their Exits and Their Entrances<p>last night my wife and i went with four relatives to see a play based on a biblical story. i had seen another production by this presenter several years ago, so i knew something of what to expect. what i saw confirmed my opinion of this company's approach to retelling a tale from the bible. the production values were of the highest quality, with gorgeous sets and inventive use of mechanics to transform the stage for each scene. when the action moved inside a building, the walls of the building unfolded so that the interior was revealed and returned to their original orientation when the scene moved back outside. sets rose from beneath and above the stage smoothly and silently. actors disappeared from the center of the stage, only to reappear in one of the center aisles to move back toward the stage as if by magic, as the set onstage changed.</p><p><br /></p><p>the costumes were gorgeous. characters who were members of the ruling nobility wore robes and crowns that sparkled. others who were common people were dressed in garments of many different colors, each costume reflecting the status and personality of the character. live animals adorned in brilliant trappings appeared from time to time when the story called for their presence. the result was an amazing presentation with great attention to detail, and the audience often gasped at the beauty of both the sets and costumes.</p><p><br /></p><p>these production values were enough to justify the somewhat costly ticket charge, so i was glad i had gone. the quality of the acting, singing, and script was disappointing, though. rather than tell the story in a straightforward way as it was in the bible, the plot was embellished so that it reflected the religious beliefs of the producers. the actors were overly dramatic, as was the music. in a heavy-handed manner, the point was made that "God is in control." every event, no matter how tragic, was a part of "God's purpose." the characters were mere pawns playing their part to make the outcome what "God intended it to be." every song reflected the singer's angst about where the plot was taking them, and the underlying orchestral accompaniment, though well-played and orchestrated, contributed to this feeling of uncertainty.</p><p><br /></p><p>after the play concluded, members of the staff and some of the actors stood in front of the stage, and members of the audience were invited to come forward to "make professions of faith" or to discuss "prayer concerns" with the employees of the theater. all-in-all, it was too obvious that the story was not intended to stand on its own and allow the audience members to draw their own conclusions. rather, the play was merely a vehicle intended to lead the observers to embrace a particular religious viewpoint. i left this heavy-handed propaganda piece with mixed emotions. i went expecting to leave with this impression but i wanted to see the production values of the costumes and sets, knowing that i would not agree with the attempts to manipulate the audience to adopt a particular set of beliefs. i expect most of those who attended agreed with the perspective of the play's producers, and those who did not, like me, left unchanged but satisfied with the beauty of the scenery and costumes.</p><p><br /></p><p>may we not allow ourselves to be persuaded by those who put the value of propaganda over honest storytelling. may we use our minds to separate fact from opinion. may we be tolerant of others' beliefs even when they are not our own. may we look for beauty where we can find it and give credit where it's due. shalom.</p>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-62525318354460273862023-09-19T03:00:00.001-05:002023-09-19T03:00:00.132-05:00Now for Us in Life<p>when i opened the insight timer app on my phone this morning to begin my daily meditation, this sentence by eckhart tolle appeared: "wherever you are, be there totally." these are six difficult words. i began to look around our living room where i was sitting and to think about what being in this space totally might mean. first, i looked all around me, to the right and to the left. </p><p><br /></p><p>next my eyes settled on a good-sized round table that sits in front of the large window that looks onto our deck and off to the mountains behind our house. on this table is a beautiful lamp with a floral pattern on a white background. the bulb is covered by a graceful shade. this lamp is switched on and off by a timer, so it is usually on by the time i sit down to meditate each morning. the lamp is only one of several beautiful objects on the table. in front of it are three lladro figurines. one is a young girl holding a kitten with a larger cat at her feet. the other two are of angelic children, one seated and the other reclining. all three are perfect representations of innocence and peace. to the right of the lamp is a display of three pocket watches, one of which belonged to my paternal grandfather and the other to my father. both are treasures that have great meaning to me. i don't know how we came to possess the third pocket watch. to the left of the lamp is a lovely waterford crystal biscuit jar, and in front of the biscuit jar is a small round tray commerating the coronation of queen elizabeth ii that i found in an antique shop in a nearby town. altogether, these pieces make a lovely display on the table, one i pass every day without really noticing it.</p><p><br /></p><p>i could go around the round describing all its contents that i pay little attention to each day. much of our lives are like the experience i'm having as i write this post. we move through our days and, if you're like me, you are seldom totally present. our minds are taking us off to recollections of past events or worries about the future. we drive past beautiful scenery in our cars without noticing what is just outside our windows. we sit in beautiful rooms and fail to pay attention to all the lovely things that surround us. we see people in distress as we move through our lives and do nothing to help them. tolle suggests that we should be totally present wherever we are, and that's an admirable goal to work toward. it's also a difficult goal. my intention today and for the next few days, and, if i work at it, for the remainder of my life is to wake up and pay attention.</p><p><br /></p><p>may we each awaken as fully as we can. may we not waste the present with regrets about the past or worries about the future. may we treasure where the past has brought us and plan for the future while paying attention to what is around and in us in the present. "wherever you are, be there totally." shalom.</p>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-53090438887643338272023-09-12T03:00:00.001-05:002023-09-12T03:00:00.132-05:00O'er Moor and Fen<p>this morning my thoughts arising from my meditation turn to the idea of intercessory prayer. i can't recall an instance where jesus prayed that someone would be made well. instead, jesus acted to heal the ills of those around him. i think of the woman who simply touched his clothing and was instantly cured or the centurion whose servant was healed without jesus ever seeing the sick person. while i don't believe such miraculous cures really happened, the stories of such events in the gospels indicate that jesus taught that human action, rather than superstitious prayers, was the effective means for helping others.</p><p><br /></p><p>if God really is omniscient and caring, God already knows when we are in need of healing care. we don't need to ask God to heal us. we may ask God to give us the knowledge to turn to those who can take action to provide the care we need. we may ask for strength to endure the necessary treatments or wisdom to seek out the best provider for our care. we may ask for those who treat our disease to have the skill needed to help us, but i believe it is selfish and wrong to ask God to heal us. why should God heal us while condemning another to die when that person has uttered the very same prayer? God is not the cause of our illness any more than God is the cause of our cure.</p><p><br /></p><p>praying for God to intervene in our lives is not the same as saying, "may i recover from my illness" or "may i find healing with the help of those treating my disease." this change to "may . . ." from "God, please . . ." recognizes our deep wish for recovery but it does not place the responsibility on God but rather on the person praying and on those caring for that person. God gave us minds for a reason and that reason is not blind faith or abandoning personal responsibility. so often i hear a sick person or a member that person's family say, "it's in God's hands now." no, it is in our hands. we may say, "may i have the strength and intelligence to endure or to recover," but i believe it is a mistake to ask God to take responsibility for our lives.</p><p><br /></p><p>may we rely on our own initiative, reason, and abilities to effect change in our lives, rather than insisting that God must be responsible. may we have a faith that teaches us that God gives us what we need and expects to use what God has given us. shalom.</p><p><br /></p>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8807881747459253696.post-54567930295922516592023-09-05T03:00:00.001-05:002023-09-05T03:00:00.144-05:00Through All the Circling Years<p>i've been working on remembering to be grateful for all the many blessings i enjoy. when we reach a certain age, we begin to see that our days on this earth are limited, at least in this present life. upon awakening, i realize that i've been given a new day and that every moment of this day is precious. there is no guarantee that i will see another. as i've begun to realize this, i've become more aware of the many gifts each day brings.</p><p><br /></p><p>the fact that this body which is aging still functions reasonably well is something to be grateful for. i have a few aches and pains, but my legs still carry me wherever i want to go. my back hurts some of the time, but i'm still able to do exercises that help alleviate the pain and strengthen my core muscles that help to support my spine. i can eat pretty much anything i want without suffering ill consequences from the foods i enjoy. i think my brain is still about as sharp as it ever was. all things considered, as i approach my 77th birthday, i am grateful that my body still enables me to do whatever i demand of it.</p><p><br /></p><p>i have the financial resources to live comfortably, to travel wherever i want to, and to make the home repairs and improvements that are needed. i live in a lovely home. i have two dependable vehicles to drive. many of the world's people do not have such financial security. while i worked hard for over fifty years to be in this position, there are others who have worked as hard or harder who struggle in their old age to make ends meet. for the gift of a steady, plentiful income and healthy savings, i am grateful.</p><p><br /></p><p>i am glad that my financial position affords me the opportunity to share what i have with others. my wife and i are able to contribute to many worthy causes that make the world better for others. we give much of what we have to charities that provide clothing and food to those in need. each time we send money or goods to these charities, i am grateful that we are able to do so.</p><p><br /></p><p>i can still delight in making music. i play two or three sundays each month for a local church. i look forward to each opportunity to play, and the congregation is quick to show its appreciation for the music i share with them. i will always be grateful to my parents for giving me music lessons as a child and to my beloved teacher who showed me how to appreciate great music. i am fortunate to have had many wonderful teachers over the years. i hope that as i make music for others, they will be inspired to value the power of music to enrich all of our lives.</p><p><br /></p><p>i am grateful for my loving family: for my wife of 55 years, for my two wonderful children and their partners, and to those who have gone before and for their contributions that made me who i am. we are not isolated individuals who belong solely to ourselves. we are an amalgam of all those who have played a role in our lives, including many ancestors of whom we know little or nothing. </p><p><br /></p><p>may we be grateful for all of life. may we realize that blessings flow to us, the gifts of so many. may we see that even our adversities bless our lives, helping us to become stronger and pushing us in directions we might not have chosen but which are nonetheless beneficial to us. may we take time to count all those things for which we should be grateful and remember the importance of gratitude. shalom.</p><p> </p>Mindful Searcherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16846738386766904946noreply@blogger.com0