And So Through All the Length of Days

today i am late in posting to my blog because my schedule has suddenly become full with preparation of funeral music on top of an already too-full list of responsibilities.  my thoughts turn to death once more.  i think of those who are given the blessing of much time for the end of life, those who are diagnosed with terminal illnesses while still feeling well and strong and so are able to put their affairs in order and to relish the time they have remaining.  i think of those who are taken suddenly with no warning and do not have the luxury of planning for their own end.

few of us want to leave this life.  we never seem to get to the end of our bucket list, we don't want to let go of time to spend with loved ones, we want to cling to life and the experiences it brings.  yet we know that the end will come for all of us, some sooner, some later, but come it will.  so how does one get ready for it?  perhaps we should live as though each day were our last, as though each moment could be our last, always ready.  in this way, it matters little whether the end can be seen clearly in the not-to-distant future or whether the end comes abruptly with no warning.

as i age, i think of this ending more often.  i see the lives of more and more of those i know coming to an end, and i ponder how best to prepare for my own end.  i think of what the lives of those i love most may be like once i'm gone, and i think of what my life might be like should those loved ones precede me in death.  would they or i stay in the same home, in the same town?  would we spend our resources in the same way?  would we have enough resources to live well?

i want to believe that i am prepared for both my own passing or the passing of those dearest to me, that i am mentally ready for either eventuality.  if i were told that i have x number of months to live, would i still feel that i'm prepared?  what would i do during those remaining months?  may i, and you, not put off those experiences that will bring us joy; may we not fill our lives with "if onlys."  may we celebrate each breath, each opportunity, each experience, and so come to the end of our days knowing that we lived fully and lovingly.  shalom.

Take Thou Our Minds

one of the skills that requires much effort, at least for me, is the recognition that my thoughts are not "me" and shouldn't control how i live my life.  there is an excellent post by tara brach on the wildmind blog that addresses this profound truth.  as i wrote in last week's post, this is one of the disciplines on which i'm working during lent.

to stand apart from the thoughts that we normally think of as our "self" and view them in a detached way is enormously helpful.  i often find myself addressing the "self" of my thoughts in the third person.  seeing that self as "you" enables me to analyze the stories i'm telling myself.

for instance, when someone says something that i interpret as being unkind, my mind begins to build up resentments and hurts that give rise to anger toward the person who i feel is being unkind.  when i step back and analyze what's going on in my head, i can say "you feel hurt because he was unfairly critical of you, but was there some merit in that criticism?  was there something you could learn from that comment?  why was the comment made?  is he lashing out at you because of something going on in his life, something you know nothing of?  what if you treated him with compassion and opened yourself so that he felt he could confide in you about his suffering?"

when i stop, breathe, and take time to be mindful of the anger building in my head over some supposed affront, i find that the anger dissipates rather quickly.  the anger is replaced by a desire to be helpful to the person that my "self" has told me is causing me to suffer.  in the same way, as soon as i feel anger in such a situation, if i immediately say in my head, "may you be well, may you be happy, may you be at peace," it is impossible to let anger build.

i hope that this discipline is not only a lenten discipline, but that i will carry this practice into my life every day from now on.  may we all learn to recognize those thoughts that lead to negative ways of being and replace them with thoughts that lead to happiness, lovingkindness, and compassion.  may we recognize that we aren't our thoughts and that those stories rumbling around in our heads don't have to control us.  shalom.

Forty Days and Forty Nights

lent has begun, and as ash wednesday was approaching i began to give some thought to what lenten discipline i would engage in.  coincidental to this, i have realized over the last couple of weeks that i've been going pretty much non-stop for many weeks now with not one day that i could step off the merry-go-round for any significant time.  alongside that realization, was the acknowledgment that hurt feelings and petty irritations were roaming around inside my mind.

i'm a person who needs some solitary time.  when i don't find that time for awhile, i don't function nearly as well.  i become irritable, and little annoyances that normally have little effect become magnified.  as i reflected on my mental state and stepped away to look objectively at what's going on, it became obvious that what was needed was the creation of some blocs of time to just "be."  at the same time i concluded that i needed to exorcise those little demons in my head that were telling me that i should lash out at those who were saying thoughtless things; those mind-gremlins were convincing me that the pettiness of others was the cause of my vague feelings of dis-ease and unhappiness.

some mindful attention to these stories in my head helped me to see that it's my responsibility to create the "alone time" i need, and that the problem was not the thoughtlessness and quirks of others.  rather, it was my reaction to the speech and actions of others that was the problem.  from this thinking my lenten discipline emerged:  first, i'm going to set aside more time each day that is reserved for me--no tasks, no matter how essential, will be allowed to interfere with that time.  second, each time i catch myself giving into those mind-demons telling me blame-someone-else stories, i'm going to wish that those who are getting under my skin might be well, happy, and at peace, showing compassion rather than becoming hurt or irritated with them.

since lent is only starting, i'll have to see how successful i am with my lenten intentions as the days roll by.   may each of us find ways to grow and to develop during these forty days of lent (even those who may not observe lent for whatever reasons--it's good for all of us to grow and develop!).  may we all take time to stop, reflect, and find ways to turn those negative stories in our heads into positive ways of being.  shalom.

From Every Mountainside

comments about events in arizona and texas have been abundant in the blogosphere.  i don't know that i have anything to say that hasn't already been said by many others, but i'll say my say anyway.  the reasoning of the arizona legislature in passing a bill that clearly discriminates against folks just because they are born gay and, with a straight (pun intended) face, call that bill a "religious freedom" statute is mind boggling.    the same bill would allow discrimination against jews, people of color, blood donors, anyone who has been divorced, and many other groups; there are certainly those whose "sincerely held religious" beliefs condemn jews as "christ killers," hold that people of color are "mud people," disallow blood transfusions, or pervert the gospel teachings concerning marriage and divorce.  under this law vetoed by governor brewer, bigots could select the group(s) they want to discriminate against and invent a religion that condemns the members of that group or groups so that their acts of discrimination could be protected in the name of "religious" freedom.  it is unfathomable that similar laws have been proposed in several other states.

now in the lone star state in which i live, the state constitution's ban on same-sex marriage has been ruled invalid.  one can only hope that similar bans in other states will soon be voided and that the supreme court of the usa will rule definitively on this matter, affirming the lower courts' decisions.  right-wing zealots will lambast the courts and rail against the administration of president obama for sending the country to hell in a hand basket, and in our part of the country, talk of secession will grow louder.  our southern politicians will scream about how our "state's rights" are being violated, just as they did at the beginning of the civil war and when the voting rights act was enacted, and the south will become even more a pariah to the rest of the country.

may those who have compassion for all--gay or straight, white or non-white, rich or poor, male or female, young or old--prevail.  may the forces of hatred and bigotry be converted to the cause of love and compassion.  shalom.

We Are One in the Spirit

linda died this past sunday morning, and her memorial service is later today.  nina's memorial service was last saturday.  services in memory of glen and don were only a few weeks ago.  soon ted's cancer will take him away.  all around friends are dying, and, when one reaches a certain age, these losses are all too frequent and inevitable.

this morning i thought of carl, linda's husband, and of his deep feelings of grief.  i thought, too, of thich nhat hanh's idea of "interbeing."  we are all one, the same.  carl's grief is my own grief, linda's and nina's and glen's and don's deaths are my own death.  ted's suffering as cancer slowly destroys his bones is my own suffering.  decay, disease, death are all part of life.  without them, there is no life.  we suffer and die, the earth is replenished.  we live on through those whose lives we touched, and i believe we are reborn to experience life anew/a new life.  one of these days my end will come and i will (or will not) have confirmation of the truth of rebirth.

that confirmation is not what is important.  what is important is that we recognize that we all suffer, that our experience of life may differ in the details but suffering is common to all of us.  the oppressor and the oppressed suffer, the well and the sick suffer, the rich and the poor suffer.  joy and suffering are two sides of the same coin, as are life and death.

may we each celebrate the great cycle that binds us all together, that makes us one.  may we see clearly, letting go of the need to assert our own specialness, our own individualism, and may we recognize "the tie that binds."  shalom

Alas and Did My Savior . . .

the sign in front of the small white church was impossible to miss, sitting near the shoulder of the highway.  on its stark white background a face of a man with caucasian features was outlined in black.  his eyes stared out at those who traveled along the road.  on his head was a black thorny crown and streams of black blood appeared to flow down the sides of his head.  at the bottom of the sign were these words: "this blood's for you."

as we drove past, i wondered what sort of a god would require a great teacher to die in such a horrible way.  i wondered if such a god was worthy of worship.  i wondered if the idea of such a blood-thirsty god didn't contradict the passage in micah that says, " what does the lord require of you?  to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."  i wondered if this whole atonement idea wasn't a way to make sure that christians felt perpetually guilty, always reminding ourselves that the man whose life was the beginning of our faith had to be crucified to pay for our sins, otherwise we would be doomed for all eternity.

aside from resentment that the death of jesus was cheapened by adapting a beer slogan to proclaim a message about his crucifixion, i felt a deep sadness for those who had to see that sign each time they drove into their church's parking area or each time they drove down that highway.  the execution of jesus was a tragic end to a great life, tragic because it was unnecessary, tragic because it resulted from the lust for power on the part of religious leaders who should have heeded the teachings of jesus.  this business of "the atoning death of jesus" obscures the good that he did during his lifetime, the profound teachings about love, about true religion, that he proclaimed in an obscure middle eastern backwater of the roman empire.

may we focus on the wonder of jesus' life, rather than beating ourselves up over our own unworthiness in light of his death.  may we live so that the kingdom of god about which jesus spoke becomes a reality.  may we live lives of love, compassion, and forgiveness so that jesus lives on in us.  shalom

We'll Guard Each One's Dignity

our local newspaper runs a column on the editorial page each friday in which a question is asked about a current issue, inviting responses from the public.  in the same column, some of the responses to the previous week's issue are printed.  the responses recently concerned the debate about raising the minimum wage in the usa.  to my astonishment, four of the five printed responses favored the abolition of the minimum wage altogether.  the responders sided entirely with employers and indicated no compassion for workers who were struggling to keep their heads above water financially.

as i read these comments, i wondered if these respondents had tried supporting themselves or a family on a full-time minimum wage job.  i also wondered if they knew the desperate struggle that had brought about the minimum wage.  were they aware of working conditions in this country in the 19th and early 20th centuries?  did they know that men and women had died trying to insure that american workers could live in dignity, put food on the tables for their families, and have safe working conditions?  had they read of how a wealthy elite lived in luxury, building opulent seaside "cottages" and palatial "hunting lodges," on the backs of workers who lived in abject poverty?  did they realize that many of these workers were children who labored in factories when they should have been attending school?

history repeats itself when we fail to learn from it.  we are forgetting what happens when unrestricted capitalism, the randian "objectivism" promoted by the radical right in our country, is the dominant philosphy.  workers who demand to be compensated fairly are labeled as "looters" or "takers," and corporate executives who are paid exorbitant salaries become the "heroes."

my prayer today is that we will turn from this philosophy that wealth when acquired by oppressing those who actually create it is virtuous, this philosophy that those at the bottom of the economic ladder are slackers who deserve whatever those at the top choose to "trickle down" to them.  may we honor those who are the true heroes, those whose labor is the true source of wealth.  shalom.