Grow Old with Me

my aches and pains tell me that i am aging.  i see the signs in my body, as my shoulders slump forward and the curvature in my spine becomes more pronounced.  i have less energy and endurance and must rest more frequently and the chores that are necessary to care for our home and yard take longer.  i often lament those changes, but i also feel a deep sense of gratitude.

not everyone has the opportunity to grow old.  many are cut down long before that stage of their lives is reached.  i am grateful that i am still very mobile.  there is little i'm unable to do, even though it may take me longer.  i am undergoing physical therapy to counter the problems with my aging body, and, though the exercises i perform are exhausting, i can tell that they are helping.  my neck is more flexible, and the corrections i'm making to some bad posture habits are helping.  so, i am grateful that there are steps i can take to help my body function better.

i know that as long as i continue to age my body will continue to deteriorate.  this is a part of life, and i am grateful that i have reached this stage.  i hope that i can retain gratitude for this aging body until it no longer has life left in it.  may each of us be thankful for the gifts our bodies give us.  may we acknowledge the great miracle of biology that is the human body, this machine that can repair itself in so many ways despite our growing older.  may we relish each breath, each step, and each bite we take.  shalom. 

Deep Peace of the Quiet Earth

i have a relative whom i love dearly, but often this dear one says unkind things in the most casual way.  when she directs these remarks at others, it seems she has little regard for how her words wound.  if she is called out, she will say something like, "you know i didn't mean it" or "you should know i was only kidding."  i've felt the sting of her words, and my first impulse is to lash out at her.  

i'm trying to understand why she does this.  most of the time she is a kind, considerate person.  i know that she was abused physically and emotionally as a child and that she had a very difficult time growing up.   perhaps she feels insecure about the sincerity of others' love for her, remembering how her father treated her and how ineffective her mother was in protecting her.  whatever the cause, i've come to realize that her words are more about her internal anger rather than about the person at whom her unkind words are directed.  because she hurts, she tries to inflict the same pain on others.

realizing that takes away some of the sting of her words.  replying in kind confirms her belief that others harbor ill feelings toward her and deepens her conviction that everyone is against her.  the deep pain arising from her formative years can be pushed aside most of the time, but when it comes to the surface, she wants to hurt others as she has been hurt.  may those who carry deep wounds find healing.  may we look beyond the obvious and seek the causes of suffering.  may we be forgiving and let go of the hurtful arrows directed at us.  may lovingkindness and compassion replace anger and the desire for revenge.  shalom.

Our Severing Ways

last week i wrote about the birth of our granddaughter.  this week i want to write about the efforts of many to curtail the rights of women, especially their right to control their own bodies.  after the supreme court struck down the protection of reproductive rights based on the belief in a constitutional right to privacy, many state legislatures outlawed abortion.  we now have a patchwork of contradictory laws throughout our country.  in some states, abortion is forbidden after a certain point in pregnancy.  in others, abortion is allowed only in the case of rape, incest, or when the mother's life is in danger.  still others have made abortion illegal under any circumstances.  other states have maintained the right of women to control their bodies and left women's healthcare as a private matter between a woman and her doctor.

some of these laws make doctors criminally liable if they perform an abortion that the state determines violates the law.  many of these laws are unclear about when an abortion is or is not legal.  in many instances, the result is that doctors simply will not perform abortions under any conditions for fear of being jailed by the state.  women are dying and are being injured for life because of these laws.  poor women are forced to bear children that they cannot care for.  rape victims are forced to bear the children of their rapists, and many of these mothers are children themselves.  thousands of unwanted children will be born, and the states with the most draconian laws are the least supportive of mothers and children after babies are born.

the "fetal personhood" movement is pushing for laws that make a developing fetus equal in rights to a person who has been born.   rather than speaking of a fetus, the proponents of this perspective refer to the fetus as "unborn" or "preborn."  from this point of view, an "unborn person" is murdered if it is aborted.  the doctor who performed the abortion and the mother carrying the fetus are partners in murder and subject to criminal prosecution.  women have been prosecuted when a miscarriage has occured.  in several states, this legal theory is now enshrined in the legal code.

women must have control over their bodies.  it is not the business of the state to interfere in the health care of a woman.  women and their medical providers should be left alone to do what is in the best interest of the mother without intervention by the state.  may we stop treating women as little more than carriers of developing fetuses.  may we return to a belief in reproductive rights for women.  may we provide the support that mothers and their children need.  may we not impose our own religious beliefs on others.  may we remember that freedom of religion means freedom from religion in the public sector.  shalom.

Our Future Gets Brighter

my wife and i went to see our new granddaughter for the first time this past week.  it was immediately apparent that her parents were filled with joy and pride.  they both glowed with the experience of being first-time parents.  we caught their enthusiasm as soon as we saw the little bundle of life they had created.  to us, she was the most perfect child that ever has been.  she was alert, with eyes that opened wide as she looked lovingly at her mother.  she cried very little as she was passed to her grandmother, and she quickly became calm as she peered into her grandmother's face.

as my wife sat down with her in a swivel chair, the tiny baby made soft cooing sounds.  when the chair began to rock slowly from side to side, she fell asleep in her grandmother's arms and slept there for well over an hour.  when lunchtime came, she was transferred to a small pillow that lay on the couch, where she continued to sleep as the four of us ate and talked.  we marveled that she slept so soundly despite the noises we were making.

our son and his wife recounted their experiences with her birth and the few days they had spent caring for her.  they remarked how they had prepared carefully for the at-home birth with a midwife and her assistant present, but they weren't prepared for the many responsibilities of caring for a newborn.  nonetheless, they were delighted to have her and beamed with the love they felt for her.  we were reminded of our first days with our two children.  i recounted my gratitude that our son had been born during the summer, when i was free of my teaching responsibilities and could be home with my wife and son as a full-time parent.  we are glad that both our son and his wife can take time off from work for parental leave, though my son's leave is unpaid and some of the time he will work from home, while his wife's leave is at reduced pay.  even that concession was unavailable when my wife and i were in the workforce, so when our daughter was born, my wife's mother came to help us so i could go back to work the day after she was born.

we are happy beyond words that this new life has come into our family.  each day, we pray that she will be happy, healthy, and able to life a rich, fulfilling life.  may each of us marvel at the miracle of creation.  may we see each child as a special gift whose life must be nurtured.  may every parent have the resources they need to care for their children.  may we as a nation provide the opportunities that each child should have to be happy, caring members of society.  shalom. 

All Beautiful the March of Days

a few days ago, my wife and i received some wonderful news:  our first grandchild had been born!  she is a perfect baby so far as anyone can tell, and she and her mother are doing well.  in the pictures our son sent us, he is happy and proud.  we cannot wait to see her in person and to celebrate with our son and our granddaughter's mother.  we'll go over to their home in a few days to have lunch and to cuddle this precious gift.

we had given up on the idea of having a grandchild when we learned that we would finally become grandparents.  as i think on this new life that has come into the world, i marvel at the miracle of birth.  this is especially true during this time of year, as trees bud out, grass greens, and all the manifestations of spring appear.  soon it will be easter, the christian version of the ancient tale of birth and rebirth.  in my questioning mind, i doubt the story of the founder of our faith rising from the dead.  instead, i think of those things which arise from the earth at this season, of grass growing, flowers poking out of the ground and blooming, of dormant trees coming to life again.  the story of the resurrection is the story of life renewing itself, as it does every spring.

may we rejoice in the miracles of nature and in the birth of new life.  may we be filled with gratitude that the sun warms all of creation and brings about the renewal of spring.  may we see and rejoice in the wonders of each passing season.  may we sense the warmth of love shared with one another and the universe.  shalom. 

Love Is the Theme

a friend sent me a text a few days ago containing an announcement that a former student of mine had been named the superintendent of schools for the district in which i taught for over twenty-five years.  this man, now in his forties, was a wonderful student who loved to sing.  he was a born leader and inspired others to want to be in his company.  he was a fine athlete as well, but he dropped out of sports when they interfered with his participation in the school choir.  he was also a brilliant mathematics student, but he refused to take some of the school's advanced math courses because they were scheduled at the same time as choir, such was his devotion to choir.

he went to college on a choir scholarship and majored in math.  he went on to be a math teacher, then a school principal, then a district-wide administrator, before becoming an assistant superintendent in a large urban school district in a neighboring state.  during this time he earned his masters and doctoral degrees.  now he will come back to his hometown as the district's first black superintendent of schools.  when i sent him a congratulatory note, his reply told me how much his association with me, my family, and the choir had meant to him.  he said that without those influences, he would never have been motivated to achieve what he had.  he grew up in a single-family home, and his mother had a meager income.  he was determined to create a better life for himself and his loved ones, and he did.

i wish i could take credit for his accomplishments, but it was his strength of character and determination that made him what he is.  i am better for having known him and being a part of his life.  may we remember that we touch lives without knowing it.  may we see the value in every human being and do all we can to make their lives better.  may our love and compassion encompass everyone with whom we come in contact, and may we be a source of encouragement.  shalom.

Just the Perfect Blendship

i've never been one to need close friends.  some would say i'm a loner, but my dearest friend is myself.  the time i have to spend with myself is something i treasure.  loneliness and boredom are very foreign to me.  as i've aged, the enjoyment of being with others has grown, though.  we moved to the northern part of our state to be near some close relatives that we've always enjoyed visiting.  after we moved, we spent a great deal of time with them, going on several long trips and getting together often for meals and to play games.  after the first couple of years, though, we didn't get together as often.  their health declined, and they were frequently not well enough to spend time with us, and lengthy trips were out of the question.

to my surprise, i found myself missing our get-togethers and resented their inability to travel and join us for evenings of meals and game-playing.  we've become friends with another couple who are several years older than we are but who are still quite active.  we have much in common, including our political leanings and backgrounds.  i love spending time with them and hope that i can be as vital as they are when i'm their age.  when circumstances prevent our weekly visits, i find myself missing them and looking forward to a time when we can be with one another.

it's so important to have companionship, especially as we age.  the experts tell us that close friendships prolong our lives, and i believe them.  may we all find others with whom we can enjoy ourselves.  may each of us love ourselves and let our love carry over to others.  as we age, may we enlarge our circle of love to embrace as many people as we can.  shalom.

With Each New Day

each day when i awaken, i have a plan for the day.  in a way, that's good.  it enables me to get things done in an orderly fashion and to have a sense of accomplishment at the end of most days .  the downside of this process is that when things don't go according to plan, i'm frustrated and angry.  i feel as if i've failed.  i am trying to  let go of my need to have everything go as i would wish.  while i may still have goals for the day, i want to learn to let the day take its course without me forcing it to follow a preconceived sequence.

for instance, one day i wanted to get some practicing in for next sunday's service and i needed to pick up some things from the grocery store.  later in the day we had friends coming over to play cards and have dinner.  my usual plan for the day would be quite detailed, with breakfast at a precise time, followed by getting dressed for the day, arriving at the church for practice at a pre-determined time, followed by a trip to the grocery store, with my arrival back home by a set time to prepare for our friends' visit.  my pattern for the day would be rigid, and failure to keep to my timetable would result in trying to hurry through the process to stay on schedule.  

instead, i let go of my timetable.  i had a more leisurely morning, yet everything i hoped to accomplish got done.  without the dictatorship of the clock, i enjoyed my day more and went to bed more relaxed and woke up refreshed and ready for another day.  i hope to make each day follow the same pattern.  may we each let go of the unreasonable demands we make on ourselves.  may we allow each day to be what it wants to be.  may we be grateful for the little joys each day has to offer us.  shalom.

You’ve got to be taught to hate and fear

we are in the midst of another presidential race in this country.  we watch as donald trump blusters through his rallies and court appearances, spewing venom and encouraging his followers to hate as he hates.  it is easy to sit on my moral high horse and look down with contempt on him and his supporters.  that is not what a follower of jesus and of the buddha should be doing.  each day i say, "may i develop the perfect understanding, may i be filled with lovingkindness and compassion," then i refuse to have those qualities for some people.

this morning, i'm thinking about how to develop understanding, lovingkindness, and compassion for donald trump and those who support him.  i want to see them as human beings with whom i have more in common than i admit.  i want to be accepting of them without embracing their ideology, to love them even when they seem to be filled with anger and hatred.  i have no right to pat myself on the back for my virtues when my heart is filled with contempt for them.

i need to consider what may have happened in the lives of those who are so filled with anger toward others, to seek to understand how they have come to embrace this bitterness and sense of victimhood.  as the song from the musical, "the king and i," says, "before you are six or seven or eight, you've got to be taught to hate all the people your relatives hate."  the prejudices and bigotry that has come to expression in the maga crowd are inherited from past generations.  only the will to look at the world differently can change these vile patterns.

may we turn from those inherited ways of thinking and seeing others.  may we have compassion and love rather than hatred and condemnation.  may we see the humanity in all those around us, even those who do not see our humanity.  shalom.

In the Sweet By and By

a friend of ours passed away a few days ago.  she had been ill for about a year and was to have a couple of surgeries that might have enabled her to live longer.  before the operations could take place, she had a hemorrhage that brought her life to an end.  my wife and i attended her funeral service in a local funeral home.  she was well-loved in the community, as indicated by the large number who were present.

the minister who officiated at the funeral spoke of the example she had set for others, of her great love for her family, and of her years of teaching young children in church.  the main thrust of his remarks was the "rightness" of her beliefs that would enable her to spend an eternity in heaven where she would be reunited with her husband and other loved ones.  he urged any of those present who had not made a "decision for jesus" to make such a commitment, lest they miss out on heaven.

i left the funeral home troubled by what he had said.  i wanted to hear him tell us how her dedication to the teachings of jesus had made her the beloved person that she was.  i can't share his certainty in what comes after this life ends.  no one can know what happens after death except to know that the person who has died ceases to exist as we know them.  we don't follow jesus out of a selfish desire to live in an eternal heaven after we die.  we follow him because his teachings compel us to live a meaningful life of service to others.

may we live life in the now, not in a pie-in-sky hope of heaven.  may we love, not because doing so will give us a key to paradise, but because it is the best way to live.  may we live the best life we can each moment without worrying about whether we've adopted the right beliefs to get us into heaven. shalom.

Now I Need a Place

yesterday, my wife and i embarked on an outing that we had been looking forward to all week.  as we left, i was excited about the prospect of a day out with my wife.  as we drove toward our destination, i began to feel depressed and lethargic.  this feeling persisted all day long, and i couldn't account for it.  my wife, who was driving, decided along the way to forego our first stop because of the timing.  that was the stop i had been looking forward to most.  at first i was angry and started to tell her how disappointed i was but decided to keep my feelings to myself.

as the day went on, we were both somewhat let down by our trip.  items we had planned to purchase weren't available.  our lunch took an interminable time to arrive.  the day was exhausting, and as we drove home we both expressed our sense of frustration that the trip had not been all we had hoped it would be.  the days leading up to the trip were busy, and perhaps we were just exhausted from all that had gone before.  perhaps we had such high expectations for our outing that we were saddened by the day's inability to live up to them.  

this is a pattern that happens with some frequency in each of our lives.  we build up expectations and are saddened when reality is something different.  when this happens, we shouldn't feel guilty about our disappointment, but instead recognize that this is part of being human.  everything can't always go as we would wish.  there's nothing wrong with feeling angry or sad when things go awry.  what we have to do is accept our humanity and learn from these misadventures, turning disappointment into gratitude.

may we accept our humanness.  may we be grateful when things don't go as we would wish.  may we recognize and embrace our emotions, even those that are negative.  may each experience be an opportunity to grow and learn.  shalom.

To Be Sheltered and Safe

why do we wound ourselves over and over with the same arrows?  why can't we let go of our anger and our self-inflicted punishments?  we tell ourselves that we are learning from our mistakes but, in reality, we're giving our minds the power to keep us in a constant state of agitation.  i remember my anger with our former president and my persistent attention to anti-trump commentators on television.  there was nothing i could do to stop trump from holding his hatred-filled rallies or sending out tweets filled with invective and lies.  yet i was perpetually angry that such a person exists and that so many people have become his devotees.  what good did i accomplish with my anger?  trump continues on his destructive path and his loyal followers continue to proclaim what they see as his greatness.

i think, too, of a close friend who had become upset with the church he attends and with its pastor.  every time we got together, he wanted to talk about the latest offense the pastor had committed and to restate all the ways the church caused him to be distressed.  his wife kept telling him to look for positive aspects to his relationship with their church.  my wife and i asked him why he continued to put himself through such torment when there were other churches around that wouldn't affect him in this way.  no solution offered to him would assuage his anger until he finally realized that he couldn't change the way things were at his church.  he either had to accept them and follow his wife's advice or stay angry, since he was unwilling to quit attending this church because of his wife's loyalty to it, even though she agreed with most of his criticisms.  fortunately for him, he was able to let go of his anger and frustration and move on from this fixation with something he couldn't change.

this is a pattern that we often follow.  rather than realizing that our anger changes nothing, we persist in it.  may we stop our minds from filling us with anger.  may we rationally consider our options and choose one that does not cause us to suffer.  may we be at peace with ourselves and with others.  shalom.

 

Isn't She Lovely

a few months ago, we went to dinner with my son and his partner.  We could see excitement in their faces when they walked into the restaurant.  after they were seated at our table and we had exchanged the usual pleasantries, they said they had something to tell us.  we were mystified by their obvious elation, and we were completely bowled over when they said they were expecting a baby.  our son is in his mid-forties and his partner is in her late thirties, and we had given up on the idea of ever having a grandchild.   we were thrilled, of course, and the two of them were clearly overjoyed with the prospect of being parents.

the pregnancy has gone smoothly.  they have gone to birthing classes together and moved into another house that was better suited to housing their small family.  they've spent the last few weeks redoing the house and setting up a beautiful nursery.  they've collected all the necessary equipment, furnishings, and clothing for the baby.  today, we're going over to the town where they live for a baby shower being given by two of their friends and will get to meet the happy mother's parents and see their new home in person.  

there is something about the realization that you are a part of the miracle of creation that can't be duplicated by any other experience.  i can remember the overwhelming joy that my wife and i experienced when we learned that we were becoming parents.  may each of us know the thrill of unconditional love for another being.  may we marvel at the continuum of bringing new life into the world.  may we be filled with gratitude as we recognize our part in the miracle of birth.  shalom.

Wish You Were Here

i was awakened this morning with a dream fresh in my mind.  in it, i was saying goodbye to some former teachers and expressing my appreciation to them.  these were not teachers who had been a part of my life.  they were characters who were unknown to me, and i couldn't understand where these folks had come from or why they had emerged in my dream.  in my state of being barely awake, i also wondered what the dream's meaning was.  

as i thought about it, all i could figure out was that my mind was reminding me that i had never expressed my gratitude to many who had played important roles in my life as i grew up.  i remembered my piano teacher with whom i studied for eleven years.  once i graduated from high school, i never returned to see her and express my appreciation for all she had taught me.  i thought of many of my friends with whom i lost contact over the years and for whom i still have a deep affection.  i felt guilty for failing to convey my gratitude to so many people who are valued by me.

then, i reminded myself that this is the way of life.  there are so many whose lives i have touched who no longer stay in contact with me and who have never thanked me for the help i gave them.  it's not because they are ungrateful, but it is impossible to maintain all our relationships from the past and carry on with our lives.  we repay the beneficial influence of others by paying forward the gifts they have given us.  as much as we would like to continue relationships with all those who played important roles in our lives, we have our responsibilities and relationships to maintain in the present.  we can continue to feel gratitude for the past, but we can't let it weigh us down when the present is all we are able to deal with.

may we take time to remember those who have been good influences in our lives and express our gratitude to them as time allows.  may we repay past helpers by following their example in the present.  may we not weigh ourselves down with guilt for that which cannot be helped.  may we correct past failings when it is possible to do so.  shalom.

The World's Fierce Winds

as i was meditating a few days ago, my mind dredged up an incident from over thirty years ago when i made a foolish, embarrassing mistake.  i began to berate myself for this long-ago lapse of judgment, and then i caught myself.  another voice inside me told me that what was in the past needed to stay there, that i mustn't continue to punish myself for something that i could not change.  i told myself to focus on the present and to let the past go.  i realized that my mind was not my friend at that moment.

this sort of thing happens so often.  as i was driving through town listening to the radio shortly after this realization, a commentator said much the same thing.  he said, "we remember the bad things that happen to us and often forget the good, even though the good far outweighs the bad," or words to that effect.  how true this is!  our minds constantly seek to control us rather than the other way around.  this is why we must train our minds to serve us rather than to punish us.  

meditation can sometimes be a curse, because the mind has the opportunity to bring up bad things from the past, interrupting our calm stillness, as it seeks to assert control over us.  we must remind ourselves that our minds are not who we are in the depth of our being.  the focus on our breath takes us away from the tyrant that is our mind, drawing us to our true selves, thus allowing our true nature to take control of the mind.

may we rein in our minds when they do us harm or bring out the worst in us.  may we learn from our mistakes with gratitude for the lessons they teach us without their arrows repeatedly wounding us.  may we have confidence in the breath, rather than in the mind.  may we experience true peace.  shalom.

Let It Be

this week one of the things i've worked on has been reframing how i react to the petty annoyances that are bound to occur in my daily life.  my intention has been, and continues to be, to see these little bumps as opportunities to learn and to be grateful for them.  when i knocked my coffee cup over and spilled coffee on the floor, i wasn't happy about my clumsiness, but i was able to act quickly to minimize the damage and smile at myself for being human.  when i wasn't able to get around to one of my last chores of putting away christmas lights, i didn't become frustrated and angry, but i recognized that i had already accomplished much that day and accepted the truth that the world wasn't changed for the worse by delaying my little job another day or two.

so often, we miss out on the joy of life because we get caught up in having things turn out just the way we want them to.  little accidents occur and plans go awry.  we wouldn't be living if that weren't so.  the secret is to recognize that minor annoyances are part of life and accept them, smiling at ourselves for being human.

may we accept our humanity.  may we smile instead of becoming angry and irritated.  may we be thankful for the opportunity to learn and to let go of the need to control every moment.  may we relish the flow of life, even the bumps in the road.  shalom. 

That Kind of Fool

i missed blogging last week because we had a house full of company for christmas.  it was hard to find a moment to myself to write.  i've decided to do more of a journaling blog.  so here is my first of these attempts.

this morning i listened to a talk by one of my teachers on the insight app.  in it, he talked about intentionality, of how we make a choice either to live with the intention of controlling our minds or to choose to let life happen and react to it.  as he talked about happiness, i realized that i'm happier than i've ever been in my life.  life is easier than it used to be.  i find joy in the little moments that crop up in my life.  i am more helpful to others, especially to my wife.  it's fun to do the necessary chores around the house, not because they have to be done, but because they make our lives more pleasant.

i find, too, that my wife is happier.  she doesn't fret as much about not having time to do everything that needs to be done.  she can do what she can one day, leaving the rest for another day, without worrying that she couldn't accomplish all she intended.  she goes to bed with a sense of accomplishment and looks forward to what may be accomplished when she awakens.  our lives together are more a partnership than they were in the past, and we rejoice in them.  may our happiness in our marriage continue.  

may others see the joy we find in life.  may it be our intention to control our minds rather than allowing our minds to control us.  shalom.