The Years I Spent With You

for the next several weeks i want to write about those who have gone before, whose influence and presence in my life have contributed much of what and who i am.  i am fortunate to have known all four of my grandparents for most of my formative years, as well as an extended family that included my maternal grandmother's mother, many great-aunts and great-uncles, my parents' brothers and sisters, and their children.  we lived less than an hour's drive from both sets of grandparents.  for most of my life while living with my parents, we went to one or the other most Sunday afternoons and were often joined there by other family members, including some of my first cousins.

those afternoons with my grandparents and their children and grandchildren were among the happiest of my life.  i was deeply attached to some of my cousins, especially those who were near the same age as me.  i've stayed in contact with those first cousins throughout my life.  i have reached the stage of my life that my parents, their parents, and all of my great-aunts and great-uncles, as well as my parents' siblings and their spouses, save one, and two of my first cousins have died.  my one remaining aunt, the wife of one of my mother's three brothers, is in her nineties and lives in an assisted living facility two states away.  i hope to get one more visit with her during her lifetime and to see her son, my first cousin, who is a year younger than me.  

sundays at my grandparents' homes were magical times for me.  it was the tradition of my maternal grandmother to prepare a meal to be eaten in the early afternoon.  we all gathered around her huge dining table and ate the wonderful food she had prepared.  she was a great cook, and, because my grandparents owned a small grocery store that was attached to their home, she had instant access to every ingredient she could possibly need.  usually there would be ten or more of us at the table, and the chatter was endless.  everyone could speak, and even the smallest children were made to feel as though what they had to say was important.  no topic was off-limit.  we talked about politics, religion, the weather, other kinfolk and friends and reported to the others what was going on in our lives.  this type of family gathering is almost unheard of now, but it was most wonderful for me as i grew up surrounded by so many who cared for me.

when we went to my paternal grandparent's home on sunday afternoons, the atmosphere was much quieter.  my father's brother and his family lived a block from my grandparents, and they would often join us until they moved away when i was in the six years old.  my aunt and uncle had two children, a daughter who was my age and a son who was two years younger.  i enjoyed playing with them both at my grandparents' and at their home down the street.  occasionally, my father's sister, her husband, and their two children would join us for part of the afternoon, but they didn't usually stay for dinner.  they lived about ten miles away in the next town.  my aunt and uncle's two children were a boy two years older than me and a daughter the same age as me.  my father's family was very reserved, and there was much less conversation, even at the dinner table.  my grandmother prepared an evening meal, so we usually ate lunch at our home before we left to visit them or stopped at a restaurant or burger stand along the way.  while this grandmother's food was tasty, it didn't compare to the meals my maternal grandmother served.  there was a sense of calm and quiet that prevailed in their home, a marked contrast to that of my other grandparents.  nonetheless, i enjoyed being there, and because i was always somewhat introverted, i was comfortable with my father's family.  his mother was a very kind person and took a special interest in me.  it was always obvious that for some reason i was her favorite grandchild, perhaps because our temperaments were so similar.

this connection with my extended family on both sides was an important part of my young life.  i will always be grateful for those sunday afternoons and early evenings at their homes.  i look forward to writing about many of the individuals who made up our close-knit families.  

may we cherish those who are important in forming the people we've become.  may we remember happy times that made our childhoods wonderful and be forgiving for times that may not have been so happy.  may we be grateful for those who have gone before us and appreciate the legacy they left behind.  shalom.

Ever Open to Joy and Love

in the last few days, i've been thinking about gratitude.  as i meditate, i try to list many of the things for which i am grateful.  it's impossible to compile a complete list of everything that blesses our lives.  i am amazed, as i contemplate those many things and people.  my list seems endless.  i was talking with a friend about this topic a few days ago.  his wife had placed a tray of cookies in front of us, and i said, "just think of these cookies.  how many people were involved in making it possible for us to enjoy this treat!  there are those who produced the raw products, those who processed them, those who delivered them to the store, the store employees who made them available to us, the person who devised the recipe to combine the ingredients, the manufacturers of the implements, bowls, and oven that made it possible to bake the cookies, and finally your wife who prepared them, not to mention those involved in the creation of the tray on which they are being served."  when we say we are thankful for the cookies, we forget most of those who made our reason for gratitude possible.

in every facet of our lives, we encounter similar situations.  we are dependent on so many people, people we have never seen or thought of.  our lives are made up of an interconnected web of people to whom we owe a debt of gratitude without ever realizing it.  we can take any one thing for which we are thankful and meditate on all those who made our object of gratitude possible.  every sunday in most churches we sing "praise God from whom all blessings flow," but we don't stop to think of all those through whom that flow takes place so that we can enjoy God's blessings.  it is not God alone that blesses us, but a myriad stream of others who are the agents of blessing.

may we not forget that we are dependent on many others for everything that we have and enjoy.  may we become a part of the stream of blessing that flows from God and passes through an infinite number of other beings.  may we take time to be grateful and, in so doing, become the object of another's gratitude.  shalom.

If It Makes You Feel All Right

i had a conversation with a friend yesterday about the complications that our reliance on technology has caused us.  we don't think we can go anywhere without our cell phones.  we believe that we need to have our questions answered immediately by looking up information on the internet.  we watch 24-hour news channels that bring us the latest happenings instantly.  along with this instant access to information and to other people via our phones have come myriad problems.  we have difficulty functioning in our daily lives when we can't access the internet.  we spend large portions of our income on internet access and to have huge numbers of channels on our televisions.

as our conversation continued, my friend and i both longed for the days when we had to wait for the evening news on tv when walter cronkite or huntley and brinkley would inform us about what had happened earlier in the day.  we didn't spend our days seeking the most recent news and worrying about the implications of that news.  we were not instantly accessible to whomever wanted to talk to us.  if someone called and we were not at home, they couldn't even leave a message.  they had to call again later.  we had to go to the library and pull the appropriate volume of an encyclopedia or a book on the subject off the shelf when we needed an authoritative answer to a question.

of course, there was a great deal of inconvenience to the "old way" of doing things.  we couldn't always go to the library at the time we needed an answer to a question.  we couldn't reach someone in an emergency.  we couldn't even leave a message if someone we needed to talk to was unavailable.  we couldn't let another know if we were going to be late for an appointment.  events that had a major impact on our lives couldn't be forseen and prepared for as readily.  

in many respects, the reliance on technology that began with the industrial revolution and continues through the innovations of today's information revolution has made our lives more convenient and less physically demanding, but we pay a price for that convenience.  we become less healthy if we spend much of our time seated in front of one screen or another.  we are more stressed as we try to figure out how to make our new technologically advanced gadgets work and as we are constantly available to whomever calls us.  of course, the solution to these problems is to control the technology rather than allowing it to control us.  no one forces us to sit with our computers, cell phones, and televisions staring back at us.  we don't have to answer the phone every time it rings with a call, text, or email.

may we learn to use what technology has given us responsibly.  may we control the technology rather than allowing it to control us.  may we weigh the advantages these advances have brought us against the harm they may do to us if we are too reliant on them.  may people always be more important than technology.  may we use whatever tools are at our disposal to make our lives and the lives of others better.  shalom.

If You Hear the Song I Sing

we have returned safely from a wonderful trip to canada.  the scenery in the canadian rockies was breath-taking, despite the haze of smoke from the forest fires in northern canada that obscured the views during much of our trip.  during our stay, we went to butchart gardens on vancouver island, and that was the highlight of the trip for me.  the beauty of the flowers there was overwhelming.  i could have spent several days wandering along the paths and marveling at the wonders of the plants and blooms of every hue.

the remarkable kindness of the canadian people touched me even more than the wonderful sights we saw.  on every trip we take, i come home with a heart filled with gratitude to the strangers who showed us kindness on our travels.  the graciousness of those we encountered in canada surpassed any we have experienced elsewhere in the world.  that every person we met was considerate and helpful was beyond anything i can express in words.  we'd always heard that the word "nice" is the best descriptor of canadians, and i can concur with that assessment.  

now that i'm home, i wonder why this is.  the aggressive behavior of americans contrasts with the patience of those who live north of our borders.   even on the highways when traffic was at its busiest, drivers never attempted to cut each other off or refused to let another car change lanes as is often the case here.  during the entire trip, we didn't see one traffic accident.  on the whole, canada appears to be a prosperous country.  we saw no homeless people on the streets of vancouver, the largest city we visited, or anywhere else in canada.  those with whom we spoke never expressed complaints about anything in their society.  their positivity was consistent and refreshing.

perhaps it is the origins of our country that has made us as we are.  the usa was borne from a violent conflict with our british rulers.  our economy was based on the enslavement of africans who were forced to labor in order to enrich their owners in the south and provide the raw material for factories in the north.  a terrible civil war was necessary to bring an end to this vile system.  our canadian friends never experienced any of these things.  maybe that is why the national psyche of our two countries are so different, despite our many commonalities.

may we learn from our "nice" friends to the north.  may we americans see that kindness to others is the best way to live.  may we learn to be more patient.  may we bless rather than curse.  may we learn to seek good for each other rather than seeing life as a struggle to get the best of another.  may we let go of our violent past and learn from it.  shalom.

On the Road Again

we are on our trip to canada, so there won't be any posts for the next couple of weeks.  i hope to get back to writing by may 30.  may all be filled with lovingkindness and compassion, may all be well, may all be peaceful and at ease, and may all be happy.  shalom. 

No Matter What May Be the Test

my wife and i will be leaving on a two-week trip to canada in a few days.  this morning i woke up early, and my mind was racing with details that need to be seen to before we leave.  all this past week, i've been trying to figure out how and what i need to pack.  now i'm thinking about all the paperwork and organizing our belongings to get through the airport.  it's difficult to focus on any one thing because so many things must be done.  perhaps my best solution for being able to concentrate on one thing at a time is to make a list so that i can tick things off as they're accomplished.  

i don't usually have this much difficulty keeping my mind calm and focused.  i'm wondering why this particular trip is presenting so many problems for my busy mind.  perhaps, it's because of the hassle that air travel has become.  if we were traveling by car or by train, many of the petty annoyances of planning would disappear, but the trip would take much longer and be more expensive.  i suppose this is a trade-off to give us more time to see the things in canada we want to see, since the time getting there and back is reduced by several days.

one thing i'm trying to do as i deal with the hassles of preparing for getting through the airports and onto the planes is accepting the way i feel with honesty and without self-recrimination.  why shouldn't i feel stressed by the demands of complying with security regulations and the possibility that flights will be delayed or cancelled and connections missed?  all i can do is my best to be prepared and accept that airline schedules are beyond my control.  the fact that anxieties are creeping into my mind is natural under the circumstances.  these worries are not failures but part of the fabric of travel in post-911, post-pandemic times, and i haven't failed if i experience them.

may each of us accept what we feel without condemning ourselves.  may we step back, seeing our worries and stresses for what they are:  part of the normal course of being human.  may we remember that there are thousands of travelers who are going through the same thing as they prepare for trips of all sorts.  in the midst of suffering, may we find peace and acceptance.  shalom.

Through All the Tumult and the Strife

many of us in the usa thought that the election of barack obama as president signaled an end to a racist past.  when donald trump was elected, we knew that was not the case.  with trump's election, those who had bristled at the idea of a black president were given warrant to publicly voice their hatred of those who were different from the white, male, heterosexual, evangelical majority.  the gains that had been made for lbgtq americans were attacked.  the concept of systemic rascism was decried as being a divisive view that should be made illegal.  controversial books were to be removed from library shelves lest young minds be contaminated.  guns were embraced as a necessary instrument of protection against what was seen as an unruly mob of largely young protestors who were standing up for the ideals of equality and respect for all people, regardless of skin color, gender identity, or ethnicity.

we're confronted now with two radically different philosophies of what america should be.  there are many who intend to use the power of government to prevent discussion of ideas they find troubling, to destroy public education, to establish a society in which those who are poor are kept that way and where those who have much acquire even more.  in almost half our states, those who espouse this view control state government and are using their power to insure continued control, even when a majority of their residents are opposed to this way of thinking.

on the other hand, there are those who believe that we must turn away from our ugly past when people of color were suppressed and relegated to menial jobs and substandard housing and embrace an open society, where freedom of expression and opportunity flourish.  this vision of america invites open discussion of the evils of the past, believing that we must understand and confront the systemic racism that is ingrained in our society and even in our founding documents.  in this view, we must come to terms with the brutality of slavery and make amends for it, no matter how uncomfortable that may be.  we cannot ignore history, lest we condemn ourselves to repeat it.  government, according to this way of thinking, is an agency for the betterment of all people, not a force to maintain an unhealthy status quo.

may we embrace the latter philosophy of governance.  may we understand the good and the bad in our history, bending its arc toward greater freedom, inclusiveness, and kindness.  may we not suppress that which we do not understand and that which makes us uncomfortable.  may we promote the pursuit of happiness for every person.  shalom.