Peace Like A River

this morning i'm thinking of several related words and phrases and how to apply their qualities to my life.  they have similar meanings, and we often use them interchangeably, though there are subtle differences in them.  i'm thinking of words like patience, long-suffering, even-minded calm, constancy, and equanimity.   i used to pray for patience, until i realized the negative implications of the word.  when we are patient, it is usually because something is going on that we must endure though we'd rather not have the need to be patient--something like having to wait in a line for our turn or sit through a boring lecture or conversation.  certainly, patience is a virtue that we need, but i came to realize that there is something better than having patience.

the same is true for being long-suffering, which i think of as a somewhat biblical word.  when we are long-suffering, we are being forced to put up with something unpleasant that may go on for quite some time.  to be long-suffering is to be patient for weeks or months or years, as we wait for unpleasantness or pain to come to an end.  what is needed is a mental attitude that recognizes that suffering, whether short-term or long-term, is a part of life, just as happiness is.  as i turned from a desire to be patient or long-suffering, i sought to find a way to recognize both pleasant and unpleasant situations and the emotions that arise from them in such a way that i accepted those emotions without giving them control of me.

that is where the ideas of constancy, even-minded calm, and equanimity came into play.  i think it was a teaching of jack kornfield that first suggested to me that being constant was a better way of thinking about how to be that being patient.  if i could develop a way to be constant in the face of difficulties and to see them as part of the fabric of life that we all share, then i could replace the concept of enduring these problems with a recognition that it is better to accept them and realize that they are passing.  to be constant is to develop an even-minded calm or equanimity that allows the mind to turn from its turmoil during times of trouble and from its highs in good times, realizing that these emotions are natural but not who we are.  we can accept the emotions that come with suffering and happiness without believing that the emotions are us--they are simply something that we feel on a temporary basis, and they soon pass.

i had a chance to practice constancy a few days ago.  i was trying to purchase a rather expensive needed item in a chain store.  their online store showed that it was on sale.  in the physical store, it was not on sale, though i could purchase at the sale price online and pick up the item in the local branch of the store.  the procedure for doing so was complicated and confusing, and i became quite frustrated as i tried to negotiate the online procedure while in the store.  i could feel my bad temper rising and almost lashed out at the store employees.  i caught myself, thinking that none of this is their fault nor mine.  neither they nor i had control over the design of the website.  as they tried to help me figure out how to get my purchase for the best price, i realized that my anger was passing and that what was needed was constancy, even-minded calm, equanimity, and most of all gratitude to the workers in the store for their willingness to assist me as best they could.  i left the store with my purchase at the sale price and with some pride in myself that i had not allowed my fleeting anger to boil over but had replaced it with heart-felt thanks to those who were willing to help me.

may we recognize and accept our emotions, neither wallowing in them or condemning ourselves for feeling them.  may we live our lives with an underlying sense of constant calm as emotions come and go.  may we see ourselves for who we are, not as the pawn of negative or positive emotions.  may we truly be peaceful and at ease.  shalom.