yesterday my wife and i were riding in a friend's car as we returned from a wedding. we have been friends of this woman and her husband for many years. we knew that their marriage was not a happy one, and, as we rode, she began to tell of us of some of the reasons. we were both surprised to learn that he had taken some actions that had wounded her deeply. though these actions were not "wrong" in and of themselves, they were troubling to her and done in secret. when she confronted him with her knowledge of what he had done, he did not seem to care about how she felt and insisted that she was making a big deal of something that was insignificant. he refused to discuss the matter further with her, and from that point on, their marriage was a sham that they kept up for appearances and for the sake of their children.
her revelation made me wonder if there were things that i had done unbeknownst to my wife that would hurt her if she found out. i suppose that in every relationship there are those "secrets" that, while not evil in and of themselves, would be troubling if they were brought to light. but should there be such hidden acts and habits? after a not-very-restful night, i got out of bed and began my period of prayer and meditation, asking God to show me some answers. the answer i received was that i needed to work for more openness in my own marriage, to become a more caring husband who took every opportunity to assure my wife of my deep and abiding love for her. i asked God to lead me to expose more of my thoughts and actions to my wife, something that is difficult for me because i am at heart a very private person.
i asked God to lead me on a voyage of self-discovery, to help me understand who i am in the deepest core of my being and to help me be that person all the time, not a fragmented person who is one "me" to my wife and family, another "me" to my friends and acquaintances, and still another "me" in my private life and thoughts. this is the transformation that i've sought for so long, the transformation that i believe God has been leading me toward over the past few years as i've written this blog. it took the revelation of our friend about her marital problems to awaken in me this process that i believe God is leading to begin.
my prayer today is that we each discover who we truly are, trusting in God to transform each of us into a person who lives in openness and honesty every possible moment. may we each have the peace of knowing that we are living the life God created us to live. shalom