Make of Our Hearts One Heart

 this week i am writing about my relationship with my wife and how it has evolved since the days of our first meeting almost sixty years ago.   i like to tell people that we were born two days and thirty-five miles apart, but we didn't know each other until we were freshmen in college.  as i thought about our lives together, the stages of that relationship began to come into focus.  first, there was the period of courtship which flowed from our first meeting as freshmen in college, when we began to get to know one another.  our dating experience grew into a romantic love that convinced us that we wanted to marry and spend the rest of our lives together.

next were the early years of marriage, as we learned to deal with the mundane tasks that put food on the table, kept our first apartments clean and our clothes washed, found a way to buy our first car, and tried to live on the meager income that those first adult jobs brought in.  we learned to cook together, suffering through some dismal culinary failures.  we endured jobs we hated and were grateful to have one another's support in holding onto them.

less than three years into our marriage, we were learning what it meant to be parents, as we delighted in the birth of our daughter and watched her develop from a tiny baby to a toddler.  we bought our first home and settled into new, more fulfilling jobs in a new town.  it was during this phase of our lives that the differences in our upbringing and backgrounds came to make us question whether we were meant to be together.  we bickered about little things and each fought for control of the other.  we reached a point that we had to either find ways to compromise or dissolve our marriage.  we chose the former path, knowing that we truly loved one another and our small child, and decided that each of us had to learn to put aside our selfish desire for control and choose a path that put our marriage ahead of our individual wants.  it was during this period in our lives that we learned what commitment to another person was about.  little by little, we came to terms with what loving another as one loves oneself means.

in the years that followed, we moved and changed jobs several more times, i completed course work for a graduate degree, and our son was born.  life was good, as we entered middle age filled with optimism and happiness.  we watched our daughter finish high school and college and saw our son grow from a rambunctious little boy to a mature young man.  our daughter married, and our son completed his high school and college degrees.  both found jobs that supported them, and our nest was empty.

once our children had moved out on their own, we found that we had become the best of friends.  somehow, during the busyness of raising our family, we had outgrown the differences of our backgrounds and become new people.  our love was deeper than it had ever been, as we delighted in each other's company.  we traveled, shared wonderful experiences, helped our children in whatever ways we could, and looked forward to many more years together.  we've watched as our children experienced some of the same difficulties we faced in the early years of our adult lives and did whatever we could for them.  we knew, though, that they had to find their own way, just as we had.  they've been successful in doing that.  one of the joys of our senior years is seeing that both our children are kind, compassionate people who know the meaning of love.

now in this last period of our life together, we feel the aches and pains of old age.  our daughter has reached the stage when she is planning for her retirement in a few years, and our son is training for a better job as he looks forward to a new career.  my wife and i look back on our years of marriage and are grateful that we made it a success.  we look forward to our next trip and the experiences it will bring.  each week is an adventure for us as we plan for little explorations of the territory around our home, for time with friends, for cooking good food and eating out, for evenings together watching our favorite shows and movies, for concerts, and for visits with our children.  the transformation from two individuals fighting for control of one another to supportive, loving friends and partners has brought us much joy.  we've had a wonderful life and know that, though the years ahead will bring challenges, we can look forward to a rewarding future together.

may each of us find deep, abiding love for another.  may that love show us what life can be like if we put aside selfish differences and learn to love others as we love ourselves.  may we extend the love we find with a caring partner to embrace all sentient beings.  shalom.

Rooted Deeply in the Soil

 this morning as i write, i am fearful.  such a feeling is unusual for me, but events in this country don't bode well for its future.  while democrats control the executive and legislative branches of government, their hold on the senate is tenuous.  two senators, manchin of west virginia and sinema of arizona, insist that bills before the senate must be passed with bipartisan support.  that will never happen as long as senate republicans are united in their determination to see a democratic president and congress fail no matter what the cost to the nation.  their goal is political power, not the good of the people.

republican-controlled state governments are making it more difficult for democrats to gain power at the state level, even when the majority of voters support democratic candidates.  they do this by restricting access to the polls and by constructing congressional district maps in such a way that their candidates are elected to majorities in state legislatures and to the federal house of representatives.  by so doing, the republican party rules, even when a majority of voters in their states oppose them.  in addition to these authoritarian measures, republican-controlled legislatures have passed laws, giving them, rather than impartial officials, control of the counting of ballots.  had this been the case in the last election, the will of the voters would have been nullified and trump would have been declared the winner, even though president biden clearly had the most votes.  thus, the apparatus for thwarting the people's electoral choice has been put in place in time for the upcoming 2022 elections.

the inability of the democrats in congress to pass progressive measures has exacerbated the situation.  two senators have the power to stop the passage of reforms to the senate rules, thanks to the arcane rules of the senate.  mr. manchin's  and ms. sinema's insistence on preserving those rules that were originally adopted to force compromise and find common ground between the two parties now prevent the passage of any legislation that their own party puts forward, since few, if any, republicans are willing to seek compromise or find common ground.  the desire for bipartisanship on the part of the two senators effectively gives them veto power on all legislation, even when it could pass with complex parliamentary work-arounds that bypass the requirements for a sixty-vote majority.

congress could stop many of the state-level attempts at voter suppression, but the democrats cannot muster the votes needed for passage under the senate's current rules.  until and unless senators sinema and manchin are willing to amend the rules to allow the two voting rights measures to pass with a simple majority instead of a sixty-vote majority, the country will be controlled by a minority of its voters in the future, just as the senate is now controlled by two recalcitrant democratic senators.

may those who seek political power instead of the well-being of our people repent of their desire for control at any cost.  may the people of our country see the harm being done to our democratic processes when we allow the current political climate to continue.  may anti-democratic forces be defeated, both at the polls and in the minds of the vast majority of our people.  may we become a land of "liberty and justice for all," whether rich or poor, democrat or republican, immigrant or native-born.  shalom.

When in Affliction's Valley

 as i thought about what to write this week, several things crossed my mind:  the memorial service for a friend just a couple of years younger than me who passed away unexpectedly, my sense of gratitude for my wonderful wife and the comfortable life we live, the horrible events of january 6, 2021, which we have been recalling, the suffering of those who lost so much in the tornadoes that swept through our country recently.  the thing that has most concerned me is the continuing effects of covid on our lives.  we are in the beginning of a second year of fear caused by this destructive virus, and there is no end in sight.

so many have lost their lives to infection.  others who have recovered from the initial stage of covid continue to suffer from lingering health problems.  many are forced to be exposed to potential infection in order to keep their jobs, while some of those with whom them must work refuse to take precautions to protect those around them.  ignorance about the vaccines and misinformation run rampant in our society.  refusal to follow the advice of medical experts has been adopted by some as an emblem of individual liberty at the cost of many lives.  

a few days ago, one of our relatives was exposed to an infected person while visiting a friend and had to undergo testing and quarantine for the third time, after earlier exposures.  another friend has just emerged from quarantine after her boyfriend was infected, though she somehow escaped infection herself.  two of the sunday school classes at our church have suspended meeting again because the omicron variant is spreading so quickly in our area.  our pastor sent out an email a few days ago urging unvaccinated members of our congregation to reconsider their position and reminding us all to take the necessary precautions to avoid infection, especially when gathering for worship.

if we go to a movie, we buy our tickets just before the start of the movie and check to see how many tickets have already been sold.  if the number of people attending the movie is too great, we don't go because we can't distance ourselves from others.  when we go shopping, we stay away from others as much as possible.  every activity outside our home involves thinking about the danger of becoming infected.  we avoid large gatherings if we can't control the space between ourselves and others.  

this is not the way we want to live.  both my wife and i love being with other people.  we are not fearful people, and we don't like what covid has forced us to become.  yet we watch as those who ignore the recommended precautions and refuse vaccination catch the virus and some die.  i admit to a certain amount of anger toward those who will not take the vaccine, because they make life more dangerous for us all, not just themselves.  i have to remind myself that even the vaccine deniers are human and that i must not gloat when one of them suffers serious illness or dies, especially when they have tried to influence others not to take the vaccine.

may we do what we can to stay safe and keep others safe.  may we urge those who remain unvaccinated to reconsider their positions.  may we have compassion for those who are infected, even when they refuse to protect themselves and others.  may we do what we can to preserve our humanity in the face of the need for isolation, reaching out to others in whatever ways we can while still remaining safe ourselves.  may we do what we can to bring this scourge to an end.  shalom.

I'm Dreaming Tonight of a Place I Love

 a new year has begun.  perhaps i should be looking forward, but christmas is still fresh in my mind.  i am reminded of past christmases, especially those of my childhood.  christmas day back then was a day of traveling to my grandparents' home about an hour away.  their home would be packed with relatives--aunts, uncles, great-aunts and -uncles, cousins, and my great-grandmother.  it is about this remarkable woman that i want to write this week.

"grandma kate" lived with my maternal grandparents.  she was the mother of my grandmother and had helped to raise my mother and her brothers.  she was born sometime around the end of the civil war.  no one is certain because official records from those days were often missing.  she claimed to have been born in 1865, but she also claimed to remember events that occurred during the war between the states.  her own mother had married an itinerant musician, leaving their family home in rural southwest arkansas to live in his home in pine bluff, a town about fifty miles southeast of little rock.  when my great-great-grandmother discovered that her husband was having an affair with another woman, she left in the middle of the night while her husband was out carousing and took her daughter, my great-grandmother,  and all the household goods she could load in the buckboard with her.  she made her way back to her family's farm, and it was there that my grandma kate grew up.

she married my great-grandfather.  they farmed in the same community where both had been raised.  their family was large with three sons and four daughters reaching adulthood.  soon after my grandmother's youngest sister was born, my great-grandfather died.  grandma kate continue to operate the family farm and provide for her seven children.  when my aunt bess, the youngest child, married, grandma kate sold the farm and went to live with her and her husband.  aunt bess' husband passed away, and my aunt remarried.  grandma kate didn't get along with the new husband and went to live with my grandmother and grandfather.

the difficulties she faced in the aftermath of the civil war haunted her throughout her life.  one of the privations she and her family endured was the scarcity and expense of coffee, which for her symbolized the struggles she faced.  one of my most vivid memories of her was watching as she lifted one of the youngest of her great-grandchildren onto her lap at the christmas dinner table.  my grandmother's table seated twelve easily, and at christmas time extra chairs were added so that everyone could be seated around it.  my grandmother did not subscribe to the idea of a "children's table" away from the adults, believing that all the children should take part in the meal and accompanying conversation along with the adults.  at the end of the meal, grandma kate would prepare her after-dinner coffee with plenty of cream and sugar.  once she had lifted one of her great-grandchildren onto her lap, she would pour some of the sweet, hot coffee into her saucer, then take some into her spoon and blow on it to cool it.  she would then spoon the coffee into the chosen child's waiting mouth, as she reminded the gathered crowd that she was determined that no one in her family would ever have to do without coffee again.

we all, from the youngest to the oldest, were served coffee with our meal.  that cup of coffee became a symbol of the love that united our family across four generations.  it told each of us that we never had to endure want as long as another member of the family was able to provide for us.  there was always a pot of coffee available in my grandmother's house.  it was brewed first thing in the morning, and the pot was renewed whenever it was emptied.  i never saw my grandmother during a waking moment without a coffee mug nearby, and grandma kate's words reminded us all of the enduring love that the constant availability of coffee in that household represented.  not surprisingly, we all became great coffee lovers, a trait that my mother passed on to her children and that i have passed on to mine.  each time i drink a cup, i am reminded of grandma kate, of her refusal to give in to the difficulties that life presented her with, of her wonderful stories of growing up in rural arkansas, of the quirks of her many relatives and their descendants, and of her great love for every member of her family, and, with seven living children, that family was quite large.

it may seem odd that a simple beverage could encapsulate love across so many generations of our family.  coffee for us is more than a stimulating, warming drink.  it is the tie that binds us all together, a symbol of the legacy of a terrible war fought more than one hundred and fifty years ago and of the importance of family in giving us the strength to carry on in the face of adversity and the obligation we have to one another to help in times of need.

may we live with gratitude for those who have gone before us.  may we recognize their gifts to us and pass those on to those who come after us.  may we see that family is more than blood relationship, realizing that all sentient beings are part of our family.  shalom.