Olden Times and Ancient Rhymes

during this busy time of year, it's easy to get caught up in the tasks that we feel must be done.  the decorating, the cooking, the gift-buying and wrapping, and the preparations for christmas guests can consume us so that we don't take the time to appreciate the season's magical qualities.  i hear people saying in voices filled with frustration that they don't know how they'll ever get everything done.

 i must admit to feeling a little of this pre-christmas anxiety.  i haven't wrapped any of the presents i'm giving my wife, and i'm not sure when i'm going to take care of that chore.  my wife and i spent some time yesterday figuring out when to cook each dish we need to have ready for our guests when they come next weekend.  we want to have as much as possible done in advance so that we can spend time with them rather than in the kitchen.  we hope our prior planning will make life easier for us and give us a more relaxing christmas weekend.  

 

perhaps this is a part of being mindful:  to stop and think through how to accomplish what is needed, thus developing a plan to help us avoid a last minute panic.  i can remember years when christmas arrived and i was too exhausted with preparing for it that i couldn't enjoy it.  when i talked with my sister on the phone yesterday, she reminded me of how tired our mother often was at christmas because of all the work she had to do leading up to it.  as the rest of the family celebrated together, she was busy in the kitchen.  when she finally was able to sit down, she had no energy left to enjoy what should have been a festive season for her as well.

 

may we remember to take time for reflection.  may we see what the purpose of all the preparation is rather than being so caught up in the process.  may we simplify our lives when we can and think of ways to give ourselves time to just be in the moment.  may busyness not become a goal itself.  may we enjoy all that this season offers us.  shalom.

 

Up a Lazy River

my wife was raised in a household where the prevailing philosophy was "idle hands are the devil's workshop."  she and her siblings were taught that they must always be busy at some task, except when they were eating or sleeping.  their father was a stern man who worked from home, so the children never had a minute at home when he was not supervising them.  their mother worked in a sweatshop making coats eight hours a day and then returned home to clean and cook.  none of the family ever had a minute to spare.  if one of the children completed an assigned job, that child was given another assignment, even if a needless job had to be invented.

their father, who operated a car repair shop attached to the home, might empty a coffee can full of different sizes of washers and order one of the children to sort them by size.  he might send a child in search of a certain tool, all the while knowing that it was in the pocket of his coveralls.  that child didn't dare stop searching until her father "discovered" the tool in his pocket.  he kept a collection of wrecked cars to scavenge for parts.  as soon as they could see over the dashboard, the children had to drive these vehicles out into a field beside his garage every morning.  every evening they had to be driven back from the field into the parking area in front of the garage.  there was no reason for this shifting of the old wrecks, except that it gave the children practice at driving and created a job for them.

as can be imagined, this constant insistence on work carried over into the children's adult lives.  my wife and her siblings can't sit and relax without feeling guilty.  they are constantly finding reasons to be up and "doing something useful."  my wife will tell me that the next day she's going to take some time just to unwind, but when the next day comes, she begins it with a recitation of jobs that she intends to accomplish.  by the time all her list is completed or she gives some of them up in exhaustion, the unwinding time is gone.  over the years, she has come to realize that there is more to life than constantly working at something.  she can now sit down and visit with guests, even though there may be jobs that need doing.  she can sit down in the evenings after the kitchen is cleaned and watch television or play on her ipad.  a few years ago, such time spent relaxing would not have been possible for her.

we visited one of her sisters over thanksgiving and watched as she worked all the time we were there.  she couldn't sit through a meal without getting up several times to fetch something that was needed or to wait on one of the others who were gathered around the table.  another of her sisters is the same.  i don't believe either of them has ever completed a meal undisturbed.  my wife often tells her sisters that there is more to life than work, and she tries her best to take time to stop and enjoy her life without feeling compelled to "be busy."  while my wife works far too much, i'm glad she has been able to slow down a bit and take time for herself.  i've learned that she can let go of some of her work if i work along with her, helping her finish her to-do list more quickly. 

may we each let go of the compulsion to constantly keep busy.  may we allow ourselves the freedom to just be still.  may we learn to appreciate the sweetness of doing nothing.  shalom. 

I Am Coming Home to Me

on the sunday before thanksgiving, the minister who preached in the service for which i played spoke of jesus' need for self-care.  he told of how jesus would withdraw from the world to go off by himself to a place of quiet to renew himself.  i thought of how each of us needs to learn from the example of people like jesus and the buddha.  these great teachers were filled with compassion for others, but they also knew how to have compassion for themselves.  they recognized that they needed quiet time for themselves in order to be able to meet the needs of others.

over the past several years, i've learned that i need this time each morning to focus on myself and prepare for the day ahead.  i won't be kind to others if i'm not first kind to myself.  no matter how busy the day ahead is, my time of meditation and quiet is essential if i am to accomplish what needs to be done.  it is not time wasted but rather time that is essential to my mental and emotional well-being.  i believe that this contemplative practice is something each of us should find time for.  we need to let our minds be free, to still the busy chatter that fills our consciousness, and simply be still with our breath.

from this stillness of mind arises the capacity for lovingkindness, compassion, tolerance, empathy, and forgiveness.  if we can't have these qualities for ourselves, how can we have them for others?  there is so little quiet in modern life, what with the noise of the media and traffic, the tyranny of the clock ticking, the endless list of what needs to be done, and the chatter of our minds.  it is imperative that we begin and end our days with some silent time during which our minds are at ease and our bodies are still.

 

may we find the "me" time that we all need.  may we remember that our minds are not who we are.  may we carry the sense of stillness into each day and slow down while the world whirls around us.  shalom.