Up a Lazy River

my wife was raised in a household where the prevailing philosophy was "idle hands are the devil's workshop."  she and her siblings were taught that they must always be busy at some task, except when they were eating or sleeping.  their father was a stern man who worked from home, so the children never had a minute at home when he was not supervising them.  their mother worked in a sweatshop making coats eight hours a day and then returned home to clean and cook.  none of the family ever had a minute to spare.  if one of the children completed an assigned job, that child was given another assignment, even if a needless job had to be invented.

their father, who operated a car repair shop attached to the home, might empty a coffee can full of different sizes of washers and order one of the children to sort them by size.  he might send a child in search of a certain tool, all the while knowing that it was in the pocket of his coveralls.  that child didn't dare stop searching until her father "discovered" the tool in his pocket.  he kept a collection of wrecked cars to scavenge for parts.  as soon as they could see over the dashboard, the children had to drive these vehicles out into a field beside his garage every morning.  every evening they had to be driven back from the field into the parking area in front of the garage.  there was no reason for this shifting of the old wrecks, except that it gave the children practice at driving and created a job for them.

as can be imagined, this constant insistence on work carried over into the children's adult lives.  my wife and her siblings can't sit and relax without feeling guilty.  they are constantly finding reasons to be up and "doing something useful."  my wife will tell me that the next day she's going to take some time just to unwind, but when the next day comes, she begins it with a recitation of jobs that she intends to accomplish.  by the time all her list is completed or she gives some of them up in exhaustion, the unwinding time is gone.  over the years, she has come to realize that there is more to life than constantly working at something.  she can now sit down and visit with guests, even though there may be jobs that need doing.  she can sit down in the evenings after the kitchen is cleaned and watch television or play on her ipad.  a few years ago, such time spent relaxing would not have been possible for her.

we visited one of her sisters over thanksgiving and watched as she worked all the time we were there.  she couldn't sit through a meal without getting up several times to fetch something that was needed or to wait on one of the others who were gathered around the table.  another of her sisters is the same.  i don't believe either of them has ever completed a meal undisturbed.  my wife often tells her sisters that there is more to life than work, and she tries her best to take time to stop and enjoy her life without feeling compelled to "be busy."  while my wife works far too much, i'm glad she has been able to slow down a bit and take time for herself.  i've learned that she can let go of some of her work if i work along with her, helping her finish her to-do list more quickly. 

may we each let go of the compulsion to constantly keep busy.  may we allow ourselves the freedom to just be still.  may we learn to appreciate the sweetness of doing nothing.  shalom.