The Years I Spent With You

for the next several weeks i want to write about those who have gone before, whose influence and presence in my life have contributed much of what and who i am.  i am fortunate to have known all four of my grandparents for most of my formative years, as well as an extended family that included my maternal grandmother's mother, many great-aunts and great-uncles, my parents' brothers and sisters, and their children.  we lived less than an hour's drive from both sets of grandparents.  for most of my life while living with my parents, we went to one or the other most Sunday afternoons and were often joined there by other family members, including some of my first cousins.

those afternoons with my grandparents and their children and grandchildren were among the happiest of my life.  i was deeply attached to some of my cousins, especially those who were near the same age as me.  i've stayed in contact with those first cousins throughout my life.  i have reached the stage of my life that my parents, their parents, and all of my great-aunts and great-uncles, as well as my parents' siblings and their spouses, save one, and two of my first cousins have died.  my one remaining aunt, the wife of one of my mother's three brothers, is in her nineties and lives in an assisted living facility two states away.  i hope to get one more visit with her during her lifetime and to see her son, my first cousin, who is a year younger than me.  

sundays at my grandparents' homes were magical times for me.  it was the tradition of my maternal grandmother to prepare a meal to be eaten in the early afternoon.  we all gathered around her huge dining table and ate the wonderful food she had prepared.  she was a great cook, and, because my grandparents owned a small grocery store that was attached to their home, she had instant access to every ingredient she could possibly need.  usually there would be ten or more of us at the table, and the chatter was endless.  everyone could speak, and even the smallest children were made to feel as though what they had to say was important.  no topic was off-limit.  we talked about politics, religion, the weather, other kinfolk and friends and reported to the others what was going on in our lives.  this type of family gathering is almost unheard of now, but it was most wonderful for me as i grew up surrounded by so many who cared for me.

when we went to my paternal grandparent's home on sunday afternoons, the atmosphere was much quieter.  my father's brother and his family lived a block from my grandparents, and they would often join us until they moved away when i was in the six years old.  my aunt and uncle had two children, a daughter who was my age and a son who was two years younger.  i enjoyed playing with them both at my grandparents' and at their home down the street.  occasionally, my father's sister, her husband, and their two children would join us for part of the afternoon, but they didn't usually stay for dinner.  they lived about ten miles away in the next town.  my aunt and uncle's two children were a boy two years older than me and a daughter the same age as me.  my father's family was very reserved, and there was much less conversation, even at the dinner table.  my grandmother prepared an evening meal, so we usually ate lunch at our home before we left to visit them or stopped at a restaurant or burger stand along the way.  while this grandmother's food was tasty, it didn't compare to the meals my maternal grandmother served.  there was a sense of calm and quiet that prevailed in their home, a marked contrast to that of my other grandparents.  nonetheless, i enjoyed being there, and because i was always somewhat introverted, i was comfortable with my father's family.  his mother was a very kind person and took a special interest in me.  it was always obvious that for some reason i was her favorite grandchild, perhaps because our temperaments were so similar.

this connection with my extended family on both sides was an important part of my young life.  i will always be grateful for those sunday afternoons and early evenings at their homes.  i look forward to writing about many of the individuals who made up our close-knit families.  

may we cherish those who are important in forming the people we've become.  may we remember happy times that made our childhoods wonderful and be forgiving for times that may not have been so happy.  may we be grateful for those who have gone before us and appreciate the legacy they left behind.  shalom.

Ever Open to Joy and Love

in the last few days, i've been thinking about gratitude.  as i meditate, i try to list many of the things for which i am grateful.  it's impossible to compile a complete list of everything that blesses our lives.  i am amazed, as i contemplate those many things and people.  my list seems endless.  i was talking with a friend about this topic a few days ago.  his wife had placed a tray of cookies in front of us, and i said, "just think of these cookies.  how many people were involved in making it possible for us to enjoy this treat!  there are those who produced the raw products, those who processed them, those who delivered them to the store, the store employees who made them available to us, the person who devised the recipe to combine the ingredients, the manufacturers of the implements, bowls, and oven that made it possible to bake the cookies, and finally your wife who prepared them, not to mention those involved in the creation of the tray on which they are being served."  when we say we are thankful for the cookies, we forget most of those who made our reason for gratitude possible.

in every facet of our lives, we encounter similar situations.  we are dependent on so many people, people we have never seen or thought of.  our lives are made up of an interconnected web of people to whom we owe a debt of gratitude without ever realizing it.  we can take any one thing for which we are thankful and meditate on all those who made our object of gratitude possible.  every sunday in most churches we sing "praise God from whom all blessings flow," but we don't stop to think of all those through whom that flow takes place so that we can enjoy God's blessings.  it is not God alone that blesses us, but a myriad stream of others who are the agents of blessing.

may we not forget that we are dependent on many others for everything that we have and enjoy.  may we become a part of the stream of blessing that flows from God and passes through an infinite number of other beings.  may we take time to be grateful and, in so doing, become the object of another's gratitude.  shalom.

If It Makes You Feel All Right

i had a conversation with a friend yesterday about the complications that our reliance on technology has caused us.  we don't think we can go anywhere without our cell phones.  we believe that we need to have our questions answered immediately by looking up information on the internet.  we watch 24-hour news channels that bring us the latest happenings instantly.  along with this instant access to information and to other people via our phones have come myriad problems.  we have difficulty functioning in our daily lives when we can't access the internet.  we spend large portions of our income on internet access and to have huge numbers of channels on our televisions.

as our conversation continued, my friend and i both longed for the days when we had to wait for the evening news on tv when walter cronkite or huntley and brinkley would inform us about what had happened earlier in the day.  we didn't spend our days seeking the most recent news and worrying about the implications of that news.  we were not instantly accessible to whomever wanted to talk to us.  if someone called and we were not at home, they couldn't even leave a message.  they had to call again later.  we had to go to the library and pull the appropriate volume of an encyclopedia or a book on the subject off the shelf when we needed an authoritative answer to a question.

of course, there was a great deal of inconvenience to the "old way" of doing things.  we couldn't always go to the library at the time we needed an answer to a question.  we couldn't reach someone in an emergency.  we couldn't even leave a message if someone we needed to talk to was unavailable.  we couldn't let another know if we were going to be late for an appointment.  events that had a major impact on our lives couldn't be forseen and prepared for as readily.  

in many respects, the reliance on technology that began with the industrial revolution and continues through the innovations of today's information revolution has made our lives more convenient and less physically demanding, but we pay a price for that convenience.  we become less healthy if we spend much of our time seated in front of one screen or another.  we are more stressed as we try to figure out how to make our new technologically advanced gadgets work and as we are constantly available to whomever calls us.  of course, the solution to these problems is to control the technology rather than allowing it to control us.  no one forces us to sit with our computers, cell phones, and televisions staring back at us.  we don't have to answer the phone every time it rings with a call, text, or email.

may we learn to use what technology has given us responsibly.  may we control the technology rather than allowing it to control us.  may we weigh the advantages these advances have brought us against the harm they may do to us if we are too reliant on them.  may people always be more important than technology.  may we use whatever tools are at our disposal to make our lives and the lives of others better.  shalom.

If You Hear the Song I Sing

we have returned safely from a wonderful trip to canada.  the scenery in the canadian rockies was breath-taking, despite the haze of smoke from the forest fires in northern canada that obscured the views during much of our trip.  during our stay, we went to butchart gardens on vancouver island, and that was the highlight of the trip for me.  the beauty of the flowers there was overwhelming.  i could have spent several days wandering along the paths and marveling at the wonders of the plants and blooms of every hue.

the remarkable kindness of the canadian people touched me even more than the wonderful sights we saw.  on every trip we take, i come home with a heart filled with gratitude to the strangers who showed us kindness on our travels.  the graciousness of those we encountered in canada surpassed any we have experienced elsewhere in the world.  that every person we met was considerate and helpful was beyond anything i can express in words.  we'd always heard that the word "nice" is the best descriptor of canadians, and i can concur with that assessment.  

now that i'm home, i wonder why this is.  the aggressive behavior of americans contrasts with the patience of those who live north of our borders.   even on the highways when traffic was at its busiest, drivers never attempted to cut each other off or refused to let another car change lanes as is often the case here.  during the entire trip, we didn't see one traffic accident.  on the whole, canada appears to be a prosperous country.  we saw no homeless people on the streets of vancouver, the largest city we visited, or anywhere else in canada.  those with whom we spoke never expressed complaints about anything in their society.  their positivity was consistent and refreshing.

perhaps it is the origins of our country that has made us as we are.  the usa was borne from a violent conflict with our british rulers.  our economy was based on the enslavement of africans who were forced to labor in order to enrich their owners in the south and provide the raw material for factories in the north.  a terrible civil war was necessary to bring an end to this vile system.  our canadian friends never experienced any of these things.  maybe that is why the national psyche of our two countries are so different, despite our many commonalities.

may we learn from our "nice" friends to the north.  may we americans see that kindness to others is the best way to live.  may we learn to be more patient.  may we bless rather than curse.  may we learn to seek good for each other rather than seeing life as a struggle to get the best of another.  may we let go of our violent past and learn from it.  shalom.