this week i am writing about my relationship with my wife and how it has evolved since the days of our first meeting almost sixty years ago. i like to tell people that we were born two days and thirty-five miles apart, but we didn't know each other until we were freshmen in college. as i thought about our lives together, the stages of that relationship began to come into focus. first, there was the period of courtship which flowed from our first meeting as freshmen in college, when we began to get to know one another. our dating experience grew into a romantic love that convinced us that we wanted to marry and spend the rest of our lives together.
next were the early years of marriage, as we learned to deal with the mundane tasks that put food on the table, kept our first apartments clean and our clothes washed, found a way to buy our first car, and tried to live on the meager income that those first adult jobs brought in. we learned to cook together, suffering through some dismal culinary failures. we endured jobs we hated and were grateful to have one another's support in holding onto them.
less than three years into our marriage, we were learning what it meant to be parents, as we delighted in the birth of our daughter and watched her develop from a tiny baby to a toddler. we bought our first home and settled into new, more fulfilling jobs in a new town. it was during this phase of our lives that the differences in our upbringing and backgrounds came to make us question whether we were meant to be together. we bickered about little things and each fought for control of the other. we reached a point that we had to either find ways to compromise or dissolve our marriage. we chose the former path, knowing that we truly loved one another and our small child, and decided that each of us had to learn to put aside our selfish desire for control and choose a path that put our marriage ahead of our individual wants. it was during this period in our lives that we learned what commitment to another person was about. little by little, we came to terms with what loving another as one loves oneself means.
in the years that followed, we moved and changed jobs several more times, i completed course work for a graduate degree, and our son was born. life was good, as we entered middle age filled with optimism and happiness. we watched our daughter finish high school and college and saw our son grow from a rambunctious little boy to a mature young man. our daughter married, and our son completed his high school and college degrees. both found jobs that supported them, and our nest was empty.
once our children had moved out on their own, we found that we had become the best of friends. somehow, during the busyness of raising our family, we had outgrown the differences of our backgrounds and become new people. our love was deeper than it had ever been, as we delighted in each other's company. we traveled, shared wonderful experiences, helped our children in whatever ways we could, and looked forward to many more years together. we've watched as our children experienced some of the same difficulties we faced in the early years of our adult lives and did whatever we could for them. we knew, though, that they had to find their own way, just as we had. they've been successful in doing that. one of the joys of our senior years is seeing that both our children are kind, compassionate people who know the meaning of love.
now in this last period of our life together, we feel the aches and pains of old age. our daughter has reached the stage when she is planning for her retirement in a few years, and our son is training for a better job as he looks forward to a new career. my wife and i look back on our years of marriage and are grateful that we made it a success. we look forward to our next trip and the experiences it will bring. each week is an adventure for us as we plan for little explorations of the territory around our home, for time with friends, for cooking good food and eating out, for evenings together watching our favorite shows and movies, for concerts, and for visits with our children. the transformation from two individuals fighting for control of one another to supportive, loving friends and partners has brought us much joy. we've had a wonderful life and know that, though the years ahead will bring challenges, we can look forward to a rewarding future together.
may each of us find deep, abiding love for another. may that love show us what life can be like if we put aside selfish differences and learn to love others as we love ourselves. may we extend the love we find with a caring partner to embrace all sentient beings. shalom.
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