there are days when the responsibilities of life seem to close around us and weigh us down. i had such a day yesterday, and i am hoping that this day won't be a continuation of it. my wife and i have decided to make a move so that we can be near some of our family--all of the family that we moved to the place where we now live some thirty years ago are gone, either having died or moved away. after so long in one place, living in the same wonderful house that has brought us so much joy and that is filled with wonderful memories, it is hard to leave. yet we know that we will enjoy being near loved ones that we've longed to spend more time with, and we are excited about the prospect of beginning another chapter in our lives.
we've found that, since we've retired, we are called on to do a great deal of volunteer work. it's difficult to say no because we know that the work we're asked to do is worthwhile, and we feel strongly that we should do our part to make our community a better place. now we've reached a point where the work we are doing for others is consuming an inordinate amount of our time, so that we have little time left to take care of our personal responsibilities. we struggle to make time for our household duties--washing, cleaning, making repairs, shopping for and preparing meals, tending to the yard--and have to sit down and prepare a weekly schedule to fit it all in. yesterday, when we made our list for the week, we saw that there didn't appear to be time left for our own enjoyment of life; our obligations to various organizations and to keeping our home running would consume almost every waking minute.
i went to bed feeling overwhelmed, and, as i sit and write in the dark of the early morning, i'm not certain how we will fit everything in this week. i know that it will all fall into place if we take one day at a time, but, from the perspective of looking at this week's list, the challenges of the week ahead are daunting. this, coupled with our anxiety about selling our home and controversies in our church that don't seem to be moving toward any satisfactory resolution, makes me want to throw up my hands and declare myself no longer responsible for the commitments i've made. i won't do that, though, because i'll let too many people down.
in the back of my mind, i know that the frustration i feel at this moment is temporary. as i check items off the list, the sense of being buried under too many chores and not enough time will dissipate. my normal sense of optimism will assert itself more and more each day. at the end of the week, i'll look back with satisfaction at all that was accomplished and wonder how i allowed myself to feel discouraged. even as i write these words, some of the burden is lifted, and i look forward to tackling some of the items on our list. i can't solve everyone's problems, i can't force our realtor to go out and find a buyer for our home, i can't fix everything that's wrong in the world or even in my little corner of it, i can't step into the breach every time some job needs doing. all i can do is keep plugging away, doing my part, helping where and when i can, leaving those things i don't have time for until another day.
may i recognize my limitations. may i look beyond the mundane tasks to the good that results from doing them. may i accomplish what i can each day and fall into bed exhausted with a sense of satisfaction at having done my best. may we all find balance in our lives and reserve time to take care of ourselves in the process of caring for others. shalom.
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