But First It Bent and Then It Broke

lately i've been thinking about the transitory nature of life.  we think of things as fixed and permanent but they're not.  the parents that we thought of as solid, permanent parts of our lives die.  we knew that would happen.  we witnessed our grandparents' deaths, and we know that our parents would also die, but we pushed that thought away.  we didn't want to think that like all other humans our parents would one day stop breathing.  it is the same with our own lives.  we live as if we will continue forever, but we won't.  like all who have gone before us, one day we too will stop breathing.

the aches and pains i feel tell me that my own body is wearing out.  it has served me well, but after i've done lots of bending or lifting, my hip and knee joints scream with pain.  ten years ago that wouldn't have been the case.  i can't consume tons of food and not gain weight because my metabolism has slowed down.  there was a time when i had to force myself to eat lots of calories and consume them quickly so that i could maintain my weight, but no more.  now i have to restrain myself to watch the quantity i eat and to slow down while i eat just to keep from gaining weight.

i look around at the things i treasure--my piano, beautiful pictures and objects--and i know that one day those things won't be around.  my treasures will wear out or be discarded sometime in the future by those who follow me.  my maternal and paternal grandmothers' crystal sits packed away in boxes or on shelves in my garage because i can't bear to part with them.  this is the common experience of many of us.  i know, because the value of these beautiful glasses and plates is a fraction of what it used to be since there is a surplus of lovely crystal on the market, and people don't use such things much any more.   it isn't valuable to them.  my brother-in-law jokes that his children would use the china cabinet they will inherit to store their empty pizza boxes because they will have gotten rid of the china and crystal.

times pass.  things change.  it is a fact of life.  while we try to hold onto fixed ideas of how things are, we are deluding ourselves.  change is the only constant in life.  while that is acceptable as an abstract concept, we cling to what we don't wish to have change, believing that by our grasping we can stop, or at least slow, the inevitable.  the object of my meditation is often to come to grips with change and to end my clinging to a present that is already disappearing as i try to grab it.

may we see that we are not fixed beings.  we change, all around us changes.  there is a flow to life and we are part of it.  we can swim against the tide and be miserable, wearing ourselves out, or we can swim with the tide and let it carry us to where we need to be.  may we let go of our clinging and grasping and enjoy life on its own terms, not trying to force it to be something that it cannot be.  may we be peaceful and at ease.  shalom.