as we age, we have more aches and pains. we tire more easily. we often have digestive problems. our sleep patterns are sometimes disrupted. our bodies are wearing out, and we have difficulty accepting that. what is amazing is that, for most of us, these bodies have served us well for so many years. now that i'm in my mid-seventies, i am astonished that my body still functions so well. i have many of the complaints of old age but my health is still pretty good. i can do most of the things i did in my youth. some of them take longer. i have to stop and rest more often. occasionally i have to take a pill to ease the aches and pains. despite those pains, i still can accomplish a great deal. i have to remind myself that i am as old as i am.
there are times when those aches make me think of my dad. he was in his late twenties when i was born, so that by the time i was in my mid-forties, he was in his seventies. i thought then that he would be around of a lot longer and that he was still the active man i remembered from my childhood. now i realize that he was feeling those signs of aging that i now feel. i could have done a lot to help him with his chores around the house and yard, but it never occurred to me that he might need or appreciate my help. after all, he was my dad and had always had the stamina and strength to manage on his own. i wish i had known then how keeping up with everything must have seemed overwhelming to him and that he could have used my help.
i'm in the same position now, and my son doesn't realize that i could use some help around the house and yard. our age relationship is about the same as my dad's and mine were. sometimes my wife complains that our son ought to recognize that we could use his help, and i remind her that we never thought that my dad needed help when he was our age. we think of our parents as their younger selves, even though they've aged by decades since we were children. we tell ourselves that they'll be around for a lot longer. we can't imagine a time when they won't be here, but death comes to all. one day our children will look back and think that they should have been there for us more often, that they should have helped us more.
the old adage, what goes around comes around, is true. i understand my father so much better now than i am his age, and i understand his relationship with me as i see it play out in many ways with my own son. another old truism comes to mind: i wish i knew then what i know now. hindsight may give us a better perspective, but we can't alter the past. it does, though, help me to be more understanding and forgiving towards my own son. he doesn't envision a time when his mom and dad won't be around, nor can he imagine that we're that much different from they way we were when he was growing up. one day he'll look back and know what life felt like to his aging parents and wish, as i do now, that he had done more for us. i hope that he'll know that we understand and hold no animosity towards him because of his lack of perception.
may each of us do what we can to ameliorate the effects of aging, but may we accept them with grace. may we be forgiving or ourselves and others. may we understand the cycle of life and our part in it. as our body ages, may our minds remain young and agile, always ready to learn, to grow, and to explore. shalom.
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