this week i want to write about my gratitude for the wonderful wife with whom i have shared the past fifty-three years of marriage. she and i met as freshmen in college, first attracted to each other by our mutual love of music. we dated throughout our undergraduate years and married the summer after graduation. we came from very different backgrounds but over the years we've learned to appreciate both the differences and similarities in our upbringing.
during our early years of marriage, we disagreed about many things. there were times when we went for days without speaking to one another. as time passed, we realized that our love for one another was stronger than the need for each of us to be in control. we found ways to compromise and learned to put our selfish desires aside in favor of understanding one another's needs. we came to view ourselves as equal partners, neither believing that one had to control the other.
my wife made many sacrifices so that i could pursue my career. when we concluded together that i needed to pursue a master's degree, followed by a doctorate, she gave up her job and moved with me so that i could enter a doctoral program in another state. we sold our home and lived in a typical married students' apartment while i completed by year of residency. by the time i completed my course work, the job market had dried up, and we were forced to take whatever jobs we could find. we worked together to make ends meet and provide for ourselves and our young daughter until i finally landed a good teaching job, forcing us to move yet again. through it all, my wife supported my endeavors and worked with me as our standard of living gradually improved.
our son came along, and we enjoyed our nice middle-class lives in jobs we both found rewarding. unexpectedly, the administration of my school district changed, and the new superintendent was less supportive of the fine arts program in which i worked than our previous leader had been. suddenly, i found myself out of a job, and we were forced to move once more so i could continue my teaching career. my wife never complained. she gave up her job and took another job which she hated. yet, she gritted her teeth and made our lives together work while she pursued a masters degree and found another job that was more satisfying.
as we continued our lives, our financial situation improved. we were able to pay for both our children to complete their bachelor's degrees and to build up reserves to support us in our retirement years. through it all, we drew closer to one another, realizing that we were not only spouses but best friends. we suffered through the deaths of our parents, seeing in those losses the need for us to relish each moment that remained to us. in our twilight years, we find that we enjoy being together now more than ever. my wife encourages me to pursue activities that i enjoy, even when those activities don't interest her, just as i encourage her in her active social life. our mutual interests--travel, dining out, spending time with other couples who are our friends, watching movies--are rewarding and draw us closer together with each passing day. neither of us can imagine life without the other, even while we recognize that some day that may become a reality.
i am grateful that we've had a long and happy life together. i am grateful for my wife's consistent encouragement of and support for me no matter the circumstances. i am grateful for the two wonderful children we've raised. i am grateful that we've learned to work together and that each of us loves the other as we love ourselves.
may we all find such happiness in our relationships. may we recognize the benefits of loving long and deeply. may we let go of the selfish need to control and think instead of the needs of others. may we relish the days we have, knowing how precious each of them is. shalom.
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