Knows My Need and Well Provides Me

i am a creature of habit.  i have a morning routine that i follow.  if i am unable to perform that ritual, i feel "off" the rest of the day.  even when i am traveling, i feel the need to preserve some parts of my pattern--meditating, working on languages, and browsing the internet, with a freshly made cup of coffee beside me.  each night, i plan the following day.  i know when i awaken that certain things are planned in a certain order.  if i am prevented from acting on my daily schedule, i am out-of-sorts.

i am compelled to keep objects in a certain order.  i cannot abide disorder.  everything has a place, and i want it to be there.  our pantry has to be organized in a pre-determined order, and, when new canned goods are added to it, they must be in their proper place, with the most recent additions behind the older cans.  everything i own--clothing, music, toiletries, cords and cables, tools--must be where i have determined they should be.

this compulsion is good up to a point.  it means that i can find what i need when i need it, that i can accomplish what needs to be accomplished, that there is an efficiency to life that avoids confusion and disorder.  however, i know that my need for routine and order is not always a good thing.  life is not always orderly.  things happen that cannot be forseen, things that disrupt plans that were made, things that prevent putting something back where it belongs.  when life goes awry, i am learning to let go of the need to carry out my plans and address whatever situation arises upexpectedly.  it has taken me a long time to reach the point where i can tell myself that it's ok if i am not able to follow my pre-planned schedule.   i have come to realize that people are more important than schedules and plans.

i know, too, that an unhealthy insistence on having life just as one wants it is the stuff of tyranny.  such thinking is born of an overriding need for control.  life is not about control, but about letting go.  if i cling to my need to have everything just as i want it to be, i miss out on the joy that serendipity brings.  surprises can be nice, even though they are not always so.  it is worth the risk of allowing some unforeseen act to interfere with my plans for the day and accepting that life is not always tidy.

may we be ready to accept what life brings us, even when it is not what we had expected or planned for.  may we deal with the unexpected with intelligence and patience, realizing that even that which is unpleasant may work for the good in the long-term.  may we be flexible, resilient, and capable of giving up control.  may we learn that chaos, randomness, and disorder are as much a part of the fabric of existence as is order.  may we laugh at our foibles and learn from our mistakes.  shalom.