Teach Me the Patience of [Answered and] Unanswered Prayer

i don't post about anger very often because it is an emotion i seldom experience. that may be good or not so good; sometimes i wonder, but on the whole i believe that the less we can keep from anger, the healthier and happier we are. when i went to my morning meditation, though, i was angry, so i prayed that i could set aside anger at first and concentrate on the characteristics of love, the noble eightfold path, and the four noble truths. after that part of my meditation, i returned to my anger and sought to examine it objectively. first, i realized that i was angry with the actions and speech of a friend that, while directed at me, had little to do with me. next, i thought and prayed about ways that i could replace my anger with loving actions. finally, god led me to the perspective that it's not my role to effect change in another; that's something i have to leave to god.

i have a close friend who had a terrible childhoold. the friend's father was physically and emotionally abusive, and the friend learned that the safest path was to withdraw from emotional attachment to parents, to try to stay "in the background," and to behave in ways that were least likely to arrouse anger from the father. all the while, this friend's mother, though a kind and loving person, was not the friend's protector and was ineffective in standing up for my friend's well-being.

my friend is usually a considerate and loyal ally, but from time to time old childhood resentments and angers surface, and my friend lashes out at those closest, like me. most of the time, i am able to react with understanding because i know the source of this behavior, but sometimes the remarks are so consistently cruel and belittling, that i become angry with my friend and want to return my friend's actions in kind. it was this anger that i took to my meditation, and i left that time with greater understanding, though not with freedom from my anger.

i encountered this friend shortly afterwards and had little to say, all the while listening to god saying to me that i should let god work as i waited. that was what i did. our exchanges were perfunctory--polite but cool. after about fifteen minutes, my friend walked over to me and embraced me, thanking me for being a friend and telling me of my friend's love for me. it was as if a great joy replaced my anger, and i was deeply grateful that god had given me the restraint to wait quietly rather than intervening myself in a difficult and painful situation.

as i sit writing this post, there are tears in my eyes, because a valued friendship is restored, and a prayer was answered. my prayers for each of us this day are that we remember that life is not ours to control, that to give up the desire for control is to let life happen as it should, and that the first characteristic of love is patience. prayers are not answered in our time but in the proper time. shalom.

Love Divine, All Loves Excelling

each day during lent i spent some time meditating on the characteristics of love that are listed in the thirteenth chapter of first corinthians. in my own words, i compiled this list: (1) love is patient, (2) love is kind, (3) love is not envious, (4) love is not boastful, (5) love is not arrogant, (6) love is not proud, (7) love does not keep a list of wrongs, (8) love does not insist on one's own way, (9) love is not irritable, (10) love is not resentful, (11) love doesn't rejoice in wrongdoing, (12) love rejoices in the truth, (13) love bears all things, (14) love believes all things, (15) love hopes all things, (16) love endures all things, (17) love never ends. i suppose i should say this is a list of the things that love is and the things love is not. perhaps i should write a post on each of these items, but my intention was to try incorporate each item on the list in my thinking every day. when i found myself becoming angry or frustrated, i tried to call to mind some of these characteristics to compare to my attitude, hoping to become a more loving person by applying the qualities of love to my own present feelings. on the whole, it was a positive way to change my mental point of view, and a way of thinking that i hope i can make a habit.

part of my lenten meditations led me to the realization that God is more than an empathetic God. the God of creation is a God that truly feels our emotions along with us. God hurts along with every abused child, God grieves along with every person who loses a loved one, God's heart breaks along with everyone whose heart is broken by betrayal, God rejoices along with every person who finds true love, God celebrates with every parent who brings a new life into the world. it amazed me to realize that God is one with God's creation, that each of us is united with God because God is part of each of us. how great is a God who caused all things to be and continues to participate in creation by the most intimate connection with what was and is being created.

i feel humbled to say that i believe that God is leading me to a greater truth about the interconnectedness of all things and the presence of God in God's creation. it is not that God is a puppetmaster pulling the strings of our lives, but rather that God who dwells in us is mysteriously present for us, making our joys more joyful and our pains more bearable if we only allow ourselves to participate in that Presence.

my prayer for myself and for you is that we open our hearts to the love that is God and allow ourselves to love without fear, celebrating together the joy that this season symbolizes. shalom.

Forgive, O Lord, Our Severing Ways

once more i'm going to write about politics in the us, then i'll leave the topic for a while. i often wonder what people in other countries make of our political campaigns in this country, especially the current one for the republican presidential nomination. probably most don't follow the intricacies of us politics at all. for those who do, i feel that i must apoligize for the bigoted and intolerant pronouncements of conservatives who are taking all sorts of extreme positions to curry favor with the religious right.

today, i want to address the underlying racism of this campaign for the republican nomination. since president obama was elected, republicans have been angry, vowing publicly to do whatever is necessary to insure that he is a one-term president. this is not so much because of his policies. president obama has done more to reach out to republicans and to bridge the ideological gap between the american left and right than any democratic president in this century. at every turn, republicans have slapped his extended hand and have painted the president as a radical socialist, an enemy of the christian religion, an outsider who is not a true native-born american. no person who investigates the president's political positions, religious statements, or family history can fail to see the prejudices that are at the root of the accusations republicans have made against the president.

for many years, republicans worked diligently to woe the white majority in the south. they have done this through thinly veiled appeals to bigotry, endorsing the harshest positions on "illegal" immigrants, advocating laws whose purpose is to disenfranchise minority voters, drawing congressional district boundaries to insure republican majorities in state legislatures are perpetuated as the voting power of hispancis increases. white southerners never forgave the democrats for advocating racial equality, passing the voting rights act, promoting quotas that help ease the under-representation of minorities in education and the workplace, and similar measures to redress the wrongs of the first two centuries of american history. many of these wrongs were instituionalized in the south and written into state laws.

by appealing to the white southern fear of societal upheaval as the great civil rights leaders and their followers, with the support of most democrats in the national arena, became increasingly assertive, republicans split the voting block of poor southern whites and blacks that franklin roosevelt had built and weakened the southern democratic party. many southern democratic office holders abandoned their party to "convert" to a republican party that used code phrases like "states rights" and "traditional values" to signal its allegiance to the continuation of white control at the expense of the black minority.

when the first black president was elected, the gloves came off and the ugly political fight began. clearly, republicans will stop at nothing to regain power, appealing to the basest racism, as they demonize the president, immigrants, organized labor, gays, proponents of health care as a right for all, those who support a woman's right to control her own life, and those of us who believe that the us should be a pluralistic, tolerant society.

my prayer today is that when we americans go to the polls next november, we will vote with, and for, compassion, turning from bigotry to work together for the common good. may we live our national life as we should live our private lives, making love the central.

All Christly Souls Are One in Him Throughout the Whole Wide Earth

last post i wrote about the intolerant tone of the current republican primary contest. today i write about the sexist character of the candidates seeking the republican nomination. first, let me say that i find the use of abortion as a method of birth control morally reprehensible, but my view is not what is important. i will never have to bear a child, i can never know what the effect of being pregnant will have on my body. for that reason, i find it impossible to support any interference by the state in the control of what a woman does with her body. women must have the last word in this matter, and no man has the right to tell a woman what she may or may not do in this regard.

if we take the position that no fetus can be conceived unless God wills it and use this proposition to argue that abortion ignores the will of God, we must also accept that such a god wishes children to be born with horrible, painful birth defects, that this god wishes children to be born unwanted and unloved to parents who are unable to provide for them physically and emotionally. this is not the God that i worship. i cannot believe that God would ever wish for any child to suffer, and the decision to end a pregnancy is a decision between the mother and God, not between the mother and the state.

the desire to control women's lives and to make women subservient to men is dangerous and wrong, and, from where i sit, the current positions of those seeking the republican nomination is more about men exerting authority over women than one that has a true moral foundation. the use of coercive laws that places the state in the middle of the relationship between a woman and her healthcare provider like those adopted in texas and virginia, the restrictive measures taken to deny contraception coverage through employee insurance plans, and other tactics in the name of "religious freedom" and the "right to life," have more to do with men who wish to maintain power over women than with theological positions.

my prayer today is that we see each other as fellow humans, not as threats to our positions of power that insist on others' positions of subservience. shalom.

Teach Us to Care for People, For All--Not Just for Some

it's a rainy tuesday here, and, like last tuesday, my schedule hasn't allowed me time to compose a post until now. i prefer to prepare my weekly posts a day or two ahead of my usual tuesday morning posting time or to write in the early hours of tuesday morning, but that hasn't been possible for the last couple of weeks. in the past, this would have been upsetting to me, but i find that these days, i'm able to accept the day's schedule as it happens with less stress than in the past.

today, i'm going to comment on what's going on in the political arena. it's no secret that i'm a liberal democrat and have little in common philosophically with conseratives of either party. as i've observed the republican primaries and listened to comments of the candidates and their supporters, several positions have been disturbing to me: the intolerance for opposing ideas, the disparaging attitudes toward women and the lgbt community, the suggestion that the poor and the unemployed are in those conditions by their own choosing, and the underlying racism of the opponents of the president.

as i grew up observing politics in the usa, i was impressed by the respectful tone of the debate by those of opposing viewpoints. it was expected that accomodations would be reached between the majority and minority parties that allowed legislation that benefitted the country to move forward. those who wrote our constituion were wise enough to create a system that makes it more difficult for the majority to tyrannize the minority, and legislators worked together to find common ground, resulting in laws that could be supported by both parties, which is often the most sound legislation. now, we find ourselves in gridlock, where a republican majority in the house passes legislation that has no chance of becoming law rather than working to find a middle way that enables bills to be passed by a bipartisan majority. in the senate, rules enable a republican minority to hold the country hostage, even when the democratic majority seeks to find common ground that would permit bipartisan support. we've watched time and again as the president has reached out to the minority party, only to be told that republicans will support him only if he accedes to all of their demands. several legislators are retiring because of the poisoned political climate in the capitol, and from my vantage point blame for this situation can be placed at the feet of the republicans in congress.

i want to write about issues affecting women and the lgbt community and the thinly veiled racism in the current primary campagin in another post, not because these issues are less important, but because i make an effort not to write over-long posts. it is the attitude of intolerance for the ideas and perspectives of others and the role that many conservative christians are playing in promoting such intolerance that troubles me most, and these other issues largely grow out of that intolerance. the claiming of the "moral high ground" by conservative christians that asserts that "since i am right, since my view is supported by bible proof texts, since i am the inheritor the 'christian tradition of the founding fathers,' you must be wrong when you disagree with me" is particularly dangerous in what was intended to be a secular democracy, free of religious intolerance and bullying.

my prayer today is that we can return to the mutual respect and tolerance that has characterized our country during its best and brightest periods and that citizens of the usa begin to look toward the common good, that which binds us together, rather than dwelling on our differences. shalom.

Through Each Perplexing Path of Life Our Wandering Footsteps Guide

i am off schedule and am very late in writing this week's post (more about that later). there are several things on my mind as i sit down to write this afternoon: the transformative work of God in helping me to become less prideful and to feel less need to control, my lenten discipline based on the thirteenth chapter of first corinthians, and the disturbing religious tone of the republican candidates for president. while all three are powerful currents swirling through my mind, i feel the need to address the first in this post.

one personality trait that it seems God is working to help me change is my feeling of moral superiority to others. i often find myself patting myself on the back because i am not a worrier like a friend with whom i often talk or a complainer like another friend. the inner me frequently congraulates me because i am optimistic, unlike my pessimistic friends. God keeps bringing me back to the contrast between the pharisee and the publican about which i wrote not long ago, reminding me that i'm in danger of trying to remove another's splinter while i'm blinded by a log in my own eye. i believe God is teaching me that i'm not better than any of those i look down on through my "holier-than-thou" glasses, that we are all creatures with a propensity for both good and evil. each of us is dependent on others and on God for the vision to see life as it truly is, not as our tricky minds wish us to belive life to be.

my need for control often lands me in hot water. this is especially true when it comes to the ordering of the day. i want desperately to plan out each day in detail and then become anxious because circumstances interfere with my carefully made schedule. when this happens, i am curt with others and impatient when their demands on my time throw me further off-schedule. God keeps reminding me that if i just live the day, the time for everything that is necessary is provided. for example, this morning i went to practice early, but i was later getting away than i had hoped. throughout the meditation time that preceded my practice, my mind kept jumping into stress mode, telling me, "you don't have time for this. you're late starting practice. now you won't get through in time to accomplish the other things you want to complete." nonetheless, i kept bringing my attention back to my breath and the sense of God's presence in the quiet. when i did move to my practice, i refused to check my watch as i worked. as i ended my session and looked at the time, i was amazed that i had completed what i intended right on schedule, even though i had begun almost an hour later that i wanted. because my mind was finally at peace, the concentration to do what needed to be done helped me use my time efficiently, and i left the bench with feelings of gratitude for the gifts of the music and exhilaration for the swift accomplishment of the desired goals. the rest of the day has gone beautifully--i've accomplished all i intended and even had time to spare.

my prayer for each of us today is that we rest in the knowledge that we're all imperfect but capable of change if we put forth the effort with God's help. i pray, too, that we don't waste energy trying to control that which is beyond our control, but rather that we let life unfold with the joy of being.

As the Sun Doth Daily Rise

for the past week, i've made a change in my daily routine that seems to be very helpful. i've begun rising at 5:00 to go to the church, where i spend time in prayer and meditation and do my daily service and rehearsal preparation. being in the church for my morning quiet time has been especially beneficial, and having my musical "chores" out of the way before 7:30 enables me to spend much more time at home helping my wife. i've always enjoyed rising early in the morning and find that for many activities, like practicing, i am much more efficient before daylight.

as i sat in the church a few days ago, hearing the sounds of our 1904 structure before the city noises drowned them out, i sensed the presence of God in the building and heard God saying to me that just as "I Am in the burning bush with moses, I Am with you here. I Am in every board, every piece of fabric, in the music that you will soon play, in the hymnals, in the bibles, in the very air you breathe." this gave me a great feeling of comfort and the realization that God is everywhere, in everything, including me, even when i don't acknowledge God's presence. God is more than a remote Creator; there is a part of God in all that was created. everything is sacred, in that sense, and the more we acknowledge the holiness of all things, the more God is honored.

as i played that morning, i had an awareness that the music i made was not only my offering to God, but it was God's gift to me, that God was present in the music. as i let myself enjoy the freedom of knowing that in the making of music, there was an exchange of ideas between God and me, and that i could "be" in the music if i let myself go without struggling against the difficulties the music might present. that freedom continued as i played the service on sunday, and the parts of the service that i improvise were especially enjoyable for me.

my prayer for each of us this day is that we become more aware of the sacredness of all that has been created and more sensitive to God's presence in everything. shalom