our planning for our big move continues, and a myriad of details swirl in my mind. there's so much to be done when undertaking such a move--bank accounts to be closed and new ones opened, addresses changed, business affairs put in order, all the arrangements for movers, closing out of professional and personal relationships--the list goes on and on. on top of all this is the packing, the acquisition of boxes to pack in, the sorting and thinning out of possessions. in addition, my wife is suffering from some health problems that we have to attend to, many of them brought on by the stress of the move.
amidst all the chaos, i began to feel overwhelmed a few days ago. i am normally a very optimistic person, but some of our relatives who have been here helping us with our packing are very negative. their pessimism dragged my wife down, and in my efforts to keep her spirits up, i suddenly felt completely exhausted, drained of the energy it takes to move forward with the joy and excitement which is my usual persona. after our relatives left, my wife suffered a severe episode with her health issues, and i went to bed that night filled with anxiety. the next morning, i sat for my daily meditation, focusing on my feelings of helplessness in the face of all the chores and decisions ahead of us. as i sat, i explored my emotions and how my angst expressed itself in my body. at the end of my meditation, i realized that all this was a passing phenomenon, one that i could deal with and come out happy and whole at the end of it.
i was able to admit that i'm no super-person who never experiences worry or depression, but i am a resilient person who can deal with these temporary problems. i can be strong for my wife when she needs me, and i can see beyond the negativity of those well-intentioned folks who tend to see only the worst possibilities as they attempt to help us. as i honestly owned my feelings, i was able to accept them as natural under the circumstances, that as the circumstances change my feelings will change, too. my feelings are not me, but a transient reaction to transient events.
may we each live into our inadequacies and shortcomings, accepting our imperfections, while opening ourselves to the deep strength within us. may we not confuse the stories we tell ourselves with the reality of who we are. may profound joy and peace undergird us as we deal with the vagaries of our daily lives. shalom.