one of the things that i'm trying to understand is my own reactivity, the idea that the actions of others and the circumstances of life are not the cause of my suffering. rather my suffering is caused by my reactions to these actions and circumstances. when someone says something to me that causes me hurt, it is not their words that hurt me. it is my reaction to those words and the stories i tell myself about the person and the reasons for their words. when things go wrong, life is not out to get me. i allow myself to blame external events for painful feelings in my mind.
i've been trying to notice these reactions that cause my suffering and interrupt the stories that accompany them by analyzing what's going on inside myself. it's not helpful to blame what's outside me for my internal responses. as i do this more and more, i find myself less likely to be judgmental or to slip into a mental funk. i'm not always successful, of course. yesterday, i was a little under the weather, and my reactions to many of the events of the day were negative. at the end of the day, i felt badly about my failure to deal with the day's events in a more skillful way. still, i was able to set those feelings aside and accept them as natural. when my body was achy and tired, it's not surprising that my mental state was not up to par either.
today is a new day, and i am grateful that i have another opportunity to practice living with greater acceptance. the day is not mine to control, and the way it goes is not dependent on external factors. my internal life is under my control if i live mindfully, taking time to take note of my reactions to those things that are beyond my control.
may each of us learn to recognize our own reactivity to the stimuli that act on us. may we not waste our energies assigning blame. may we deal with the vagaries of life skillfully, reasonably, logically, rather than allowing our reactions to create new problems when we could be solving existing problems. may we see life for what it is, not what we want it to be. shalom.
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