As in Our Daily Life We Struggle to Be Human

i can be very arrogant.  too often i witness the actions of others and think, "how wrong, how mistaken, this person is.  if only this person would do things as i would do them, life would be easier for them."  i create little stories in my mind of the way other people should behave and long for control of their lives, as if i have the answers while they proceed in ignorance.  this is something i work on constantly, and i hope i'm having some success in understanding myself better.

when these thoughts pop into my mind, i'm trying to be aware of what's happening.  i can't just tell myself that i'm mistaken, because this attitude of mental superiority is ingrained in my psyche.  instead, i have a little conversation with myself, telling the "me" in my head that i'm doing it again, recognizing that i might be right about the wrong-headedness of others while reminding myself that they are not mine to control.  it might just be that i am wrong and they are right, that i can only live my own life, that i have no claim over the lives of others and the actions they take.

since i've begun to remind myself of my lack of control over others, indeed of the time i waste thinking about how others should live their lives, i've discovered that i'm much happier and have better relationships with those who have to put up with me on a daily basis.  it is enough to try to make right decisions about my own life and how to live more skillfully without trying to manage how others live their lives.  this is not to say that i won't intervene if others are doing harm to themselves or someone else, but i have to recognize the possibility that they could be right and i could be wrong.  maybe their decision is the best one for them, but it won't hurt to have a discussion about other courses of action as long as i admit my inability to control what others do and deal with my arrogance in thinking that i have the answers to their problems.

may we be honest with ourselves, recognizing our shortcomings.  may we deal with them in compassionate ways.  may we not condemn ourselves for our failings, rather may we be mindful of how to live more skillfully through awareness of the stories we tell ourselves and how those stories affect our relationships with others.  may mindfulness bring us peace and greater respect for others.  shalom.