"what if" . . . these can be deadly words that cause us to live in fear. what if i lose my job, what if my partner abandons me, what if my house catches fire, what if, what if, what if. when we dwell on what might happen if catastrophe occurs, we live in dread of the future and can be paralyzed in the present. an insurance company in town has an electronic sign that constantly displays the message "life is uncertain, plan for it." we can't plan for the uncertainty of life. sure, we can insure ourselves up to a point so financial ruin doesn't result from a catastrophe that harms or destroys our home or a car wreck that results in loss or injury. but life is a chance. we don't know what tomorrow or even the next moment may bring. we have no guarantees, so all we can do is our best each moment as that moment comes to us.
some other deadly words are "if only." if only i could lose twenty pounds, i would be more attractive. if only i could finish this task, i could enjoy life. if only my spouse didn't make so many demands of me, i could do what i want to do. an "if only" life isn't much of a life. what we're doing during those if-only moments is life. when we feel that our lives are interrupted by such moments, we need to abandon the if-only task or find a way to accept the if-only times as essential parts of our lives. our happiness doesn't have to be delayed by if-onlies. instead, we need to enjoy the present moment, even when it's not what we wished for, and forget what the future that is delayed by our present situation might be "if only . . ."
our minds are tricky things. we imagine a perfect future and are disappointed when the present interferes. when the future arrives, it's usually not what we anticipated. or we imagine the future with dread, wondering about the what-ifs that might occur. when we do this, we can't enjoy the present. i have an acquaintance who lives in dread of tornadoes, which are not infrequent in this part of the country. every time there is a chance of rain, she has to go stay with someone who has a basement in case the possible rainstorms might bring a tornado her way. she can never be amazed by the patter of rain, the majesty of lightning, or the rumble of thunder because she is thinking "what if this storm spawns a tornado and that tornado comes at me." we all have such fears, but some of us have never learned to stop those fears from spoiling our enjoyment of what's happening in the present.
may we let go of what-if and if-only and live our lives rejoicing in what the present brings. may we not let fear and dread spoil our happiness. may we live with gratitude for what we have and live skillfully with impermanence. shalom.
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