Monday, September 2, 2019

I Feel Pretty

one day last week i went to hobby lobby, a home decor store here in town, to pick up a candle my wife wanted.  i have mixed feelings about shopping at this store because it is part of the chain of stores owned by the family that went to court to keep from providing birth control as part of the employer-provided health care mandated by the affordable care act, or "obamacare" as its detractors call it.  this family also funds the museum of the bible in washington, d. c., which was called to task for stealing antiquities from iraq to add to its collection.  we shop there anyway, because we're not convinced that economic boycotts of businesses which are operated by people we disagree with is a good idea.  it seems to be another way of polarizing our society, and we generally don't participate in these sorts of boycotts as a way of expressing our opinion.

at any rate, that's a topic for another post.  what struck me as a i walked through the store were all the little cutesy signs that said things like "be grateful" or "family gathers here."  some people like to put these up in their homes, and that's okay if that's what you like.  one sign really bothered me, though.  it said, "a gurl [sic] is a bit of glitter wrapped up in a giggle," or something to that effect.  i immediately thought of the old nursery rhyme that goes, "snakes and snails and puppy dog tails, that's what little boys are made of; sugar and spice and everything nice, that's what little girls are made of."  i wondered if someone would buy such a sign and put it up in their home and if so, if that what they think of girls and women.  the thought sent chills through me.

one of the problems with evangelical christianity is its attitude toward women.  we have a large community of mennonites in our area.  while i think there is much that is admirable about the mennonite version of christianity, i am disturbed by its requirements that girls and women must wear little veil-like coverings on their heads, must dress in homemade clothing that usually looks like it came from the last century, and must go without make-up, while mennonite men dress in "store-bought" modern clothing and are indistinguishable in their appearance from non-mennonite males.  this whole approach that seems designed to keep "women in their place" and overtly assert male dominance is deeply disturbing.  my wife and i know many marriages where the wife, no matter how intelligent and well educated, always defers to her husband because they both believe that in a "good christian marriage" the husband is the final authority in the household.  they say, "that's what the bible teaches, so we believe that's the way it must be in order to be faithful christians."

when i think of the hard-fought battles that women have fought and continue to fight to gain equal status with men, i can't believe that any woman would settle for second-class status in marriage or relationships with men in general.  how could any man worth his salt want to be the ruler of the woman he loves?  i have to agree with my wife that marriage is a partnership between two equals, not a patriarchal bargain based on antiquated views of gender roles.  we've lived this way throughout our marriage and think that we've taught both our son and daughter to live their lives in the same way.  "gurls" are certainly much more than glitter and giggles, just as boys are more than snakes, snails, and puppy dog tails.  there's so much we don't understand about gender and identity related to gender, and i hope that our society is evolving into one that is broader than the stereotypical views of male and female that we once held.

may we think before assigning gender roles to ourselves and others.  may we see fellow humans as being more like us than different from us, regardless of their gender.  may we see that each of us is never wholly male or wholly female, that we all share common traits.  even when we disagree, may love and compassion win out.  shalom.

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