i want to write today about my wife's mother who died ten years ago. she was a woman that i admired greatly, and i think about her often. she was born in rural southwestern arkansas in the early twentieth century. her mother was the daughter of irish immigrants who settled in an irish community in western kentucky, and her father was a prosperous farmer who had moved with his young wife and several other family members to arkansas from the boothill of missouri, just across the mississippi river from the area where my wife's grandmother had grown up.
my mother-in-law had an idyllic childhood, growing up on a farm that was largely self-sufficient with her two sisters and one brother. her mother was a kind-hearted, happy woman who loved to sing irish and american folk songs and popular victorian ballads, many of which my wife's mother, juanita, remembered. juanita had a few piano lessons and loved to play the family piano. her skills were minimal but she could play all the songs she loved to sing, the songs her mother had sung to her as a child, as well as gospel hymns. in her young adulthood, before she married and left her family home, the house she grew up in caught fire. she wanted to make certain that her beloved piano didn't burn with the house and somehow managed to draw it herself to the front door so that the piano would have to be moved out before other prized belongings could be saved. though the house was a total loss, all the family members survived unhurt, along with the piano.
her father had a fine new home built, but soon after juanita began going out with her future husband, carl, and subsequently they were married. her father, elmer, believed that juanita's husband was not worthy of his daughter and had an intense dislike for him and all his family. elmer was even more disgruntled when another of his daughters married into the same family. from that point on, relations between juanita and elmer were strained, though they continued to see one another and maintain a polite, though distant, relationship.
juanita had been a good student at the small country school where she graduated as valedictorian of her class. her formal education ended then, and as she began her married life, she and carl moved into the town nearby where carl held a variety of jobs to support his wife and the daughter that was born to them in the early years of their marriage. by the time my wife was born, the youngest of four daughters, juanita had gone to work in a sweat shop making coats and jackets for the lowest wage required by law while carl operated a mechanic shop that adjoined their house on eleven acres of land he had bought by securing a loan from a former employer. the shop didn't make much, if any, money, and juanita's meager income was their main source of support.
carl was an abusive father and had become a religious fanatic. the daughters were beaten mercilessly for the slightest infraction of his rules, and juanita was helpless to protect them. in those days, men ruled and the law believed that what went on inside a home was none of its business as long as no one was killed. it was a difficult time for juanita and her children. the children were required to do all sorts of menial labor around the property and to help in the shop, and there was little time for the sort of play that most children enjoy. my wife and her sisters remember how hard their mother worked and how much effort she put into making their lives as happy as possible under the circumstances. through it all she never lost her positive disposition or her sense of humor, and it was only her presence that made life bearable for the four girls.
juanita was a gifted writer, and we delight in reading the stories about her life and the poems that she wrote, writings that she carefully preserved and treasured and which we now treasure ourselves. she was a great story-teller and loved recalling her life on the farm and the people she knew growing up. her father never let a visitor leave without first enjoying a meal with the family, and there were always guests at the table to enjoy the fine cooking of juanita's mother. many family members lived nearby, and juanita and her cousins had great fun exploring the woods and streams near their home and playing games with each other.
carl died after all the girls were grown and married with children of their own, and juanita was left alone. by that time, an interstate had come through near the family's eleven acres, and carl and juanita had been able to sell their land for a tidy sum and buy a large farm just outside town where they raised cows and chickens. juanita was left to run the farm by herself, so she got out of the chicken business and leased the pasture land to another cattle farmer, while she continued to take care of her nice new home and the beautiful plants she had set out in her yard at the new place. when two of her sisters bought homes in the same neighborhood in town, juanita bought a home that was just down the street from one of her sisters, and the backyard of her new home adjoined the back yard of the other sister, so that all three sisters were within easy walking distance of one another.
with carl's passing, she was free to live life on her own terms, and she relished her freedom. her brother, who lived in michigan, invited her on long trips with himself and his wife, and she jumped at the chance to see the country with them. her children and their families, including us, always took a long trip together during the summer and invited juanita to go along. she was always excited to see new sites and spending time with family members made her adventures even more fun for her. she kept journals of her travels, recording the events of each day of her journeys. reading about these trips and seeing them through her eyes, the eyes of a country girl who until that point had never traveled more than a few miles from her home except to visit relatives in kentucky as a child, has made us appreciate how fortunate we've been in our lives to see and do so much. that we were able to share our ramblings with her made them even more memorable.
i wonder what juanita could have done under different circumstances. with her keen mind and sharp wit she could have gone far if she had a supportive father and husband to encourage her. as it was, she made the best of life with what was available to her, always trying to make the lives of others better with her kindness and wisdom. she always said that "you're worthless if you don't have a little 'dink,' and dink she had in abundance. she lived life as fully as anyone i've ever known, never losing her optimism and good humor no matter what life threw at her.
may we all have a little "juanita" in us. may we learn from people like her that life only gets the best of us if we let it. may we never give up on kindness, and may we always look for the best in others. shalom.
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