last sunday, our son came for a visit. we were apprehensive about his visit, because he was coming without his wife, and we had just been to visit them a little over a week before. we were glad to see him, of course, but thought it odd that his wife was not coming with him. after an hour or so of conversation, he got around to the reason for his driving the hour and a half to our home on a sunday afternoon: he and his wife were separating and would be divorcing in the near future.
he seemed to be handling the breakup well and assured us that this would be an amicable dissolution of their marriage. they had discussed how to divide up their assets and debts equitably, she had found an apartment that she would soon move into, and he would remain in their home for the time being until a propitious time arrived to sell it and divide the proceeds. they both have good jobs that appear to be secure, and, while money will be tight for both of them in the short term, they can manage it seems.
i was impressed with the maturity both of them were exhibiting in this process, and i could sense relief on our son's part that they had come to this decision. as he told us, they seemed to be on different paths in their lives, and they could both see that there was no way to reconcile their personal goals in life. they had moved back to arkansas from colorado a few months ago, and he longed to return to the mountains with which he felt a deep connection. while we hate to see him move so far away again, i understand his love for the rockies. i have long felt more at home in the mountains than anywhere else, but i never had the opportunity to live near them, so i am happy that he finds himself in a position where he can choose where he wants to live once the divorce is finalized and his financial situation is less precarious. he envisions that scenario taking about two years, and that seems to be a reasonable timeframe. by that time, his feelings may have changed and new opportunities may have opened up for him.
after he left, i ached for him and his soon-to-be ex-wife. i believe they love each other, but the course of their lives has set them on different paths. we are glad that our son can count on our support and that of his sister. his spouse doesn't have that support from her own parents, who are religious conservatives that don't agree with divorce, though she has other family and friends that will be there for her. our son longs for time to be by himself to sort his feelings out, and i think it will be good for him to be on his own, something that he has never been able to do before. he jumped from being a college student into his first marriage, which ended when his wife left him for another man. when that marriage ended, he moved into our guest house, which put him back with mom and dad, and he went from that situation into his second marriage and a move to north arkansas to be with his new wife. now he looks forward to living independently and sorting through his thoughts, dreams, and goals.
may each of us have the time we need to search out our own way. may we do so with compassion for those who are a part of that search and who we encounter on the path. may we have the space to be our authentic selves and to discover who we are in our deepest hearts. may we see the opportunities life presents us with and be thankful for the obstacles we encounter that help us become more compassionate, caring, and resilient people, remembering that the rocks are there to be climbed so we can see new visions. shalom.
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