i began writing a post last week but in the busy-ness of christmas, i never completed it. so today, i'll try again. i'm reflecting back on our christmas with our children. they came to spend the weekend before christmas with us, and that's when we had our family celebration. we had a great time opening our gifts to one another, playing games, visiting, and eating delicious food. they had to leave on the monday before christmas to get back to jobs and other family get-togethers, and our house became a little quieter. i have to admit that it was nice to have our home to ourselves, although we hated to see the children leave.
after they left, it became apparent how different the christmases of our youth had been for my wife and me. i remember the holidays of my childhood as wondrous times, with delicious aromas coming from the kitchen as my mother prepared special dishes all through the season. there were parties at school and at church. since my birthday is a little more than a week before christmas day, my annual birthday party and gifts were part of the season, too. on december 25 we always went to one of my grandparent's homes, usually that of my maternal grandparent's. my mother's mother prepared a sumptuous feast with pork roast, turkey, chicken and dressing, vegetables, iced tea, and rich desserts accompanied by the most wonderful coffee, which we all drank, from the youngest to the oldest. my many cousins would all be there, and we played with our gifts. it was a noisy, fun-filled day. at the end of it, we cousins often spent the night with our grandparents and continued the fun the next day. it was fun, too, when we went to the home of my father's parents, but they were more staid, and the cousins on that side of the family were not as rambunctious. the whole month of december was the happiest time of the year, and i carry those memories into every holiday season in my adult life. i anticipate that special time of the year all year long, and i can never get enough christmas.
my wife, on the other hand, doesn't remember her childhood christmases as being that special. her father believed that idle hands were the devil's workshop and made certain that his four daughters always had plenty of work to do. while they exchanged family gifts on christmas, and santa brought a few presents, there were no extended family gatherings and no feasts. because her mother had to work to help support the family, there were no special dishes prepared and, because their income was meager, there were few gifts under the tree. for her father, christmas was observed grudgingly, as a few hours of leisure that interrupted the work he felt all the family must be engaged in to keep evil from creeping into their lives. for him, anything that brought joy just be viewed with some suspicion, lest the devil get a foothold in the minds of him and his family.
as a result, once the gifts are exchanged in our home, for my wife christmas is over. it's time to take down the decorations and for life to get back to normal. this is always painful for me, because i want christmas to go on and on. i want to delay the packing up and clearing away until sometime in the first week of the new year. this difference always brings tension in our lives, even after fifty-one christmases together. as i've gotten to know my wife better, i've come to understand how her background affects the way she thinks of christmas, and, for her, it is a bittersweet time, since her childhood memories are not all good ones. the first day after our family christmas is always hard for me, and i feel great sadness and anxiety as she begins to remove the christmas decor from around the house. i usually have to leave that to her on that first day of "undecorating" and make myself scarce. by the second day, i'm ready to help, though somewhat grudginly, as i remind myself of why she feels the need to get christmas over with. i've talked with one of her sister's husbands about this, and there is the same division in their household about his wife's compulsion to put everything away immediately. he and their children are always a bit angry about her hurry to be done with christmas, but they, too, have come to understand why she feels as she does.
we carry our childhoods with us into our adult lives. learning to understand how the childhood of a spouse affects their adult attitudes and actions is an important part of marriage. my wife loves to hear me tell of the happy family times i had as a child in our large, close-knit family, but the contrast with her own childhood causes a tinge of sadness as well. we've worked hard to understand one another and to give our children the happiest upbringing we could. i think we've largely succeeded in both efforts. christmas is one of those times when our differences growing out of our early years is a source of conflict and a time to work harder at having empathy for one another. so now that everything is put away, our house is cleaned top to bottom, and normalcy has returned, i have to say i'm glad another christmas has come and gone. it was great fun while it lasted, and i can look forward to the next christmas, eagerly anticipating all the fun it will bring.
may we learn from one another. may we be patient with one another. may we not be stubborn in insisting that our own way is the best way. most of all, may love, compassion, and kindness take precedence over all other emotions and ways of being. shalom.
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