we spent the week of thanksgiving visiting relatives some distance away. one of those we visited had experienced deep suffering in her childhood and in her first marriage, leaving her bitter and difficult to get along with. each time we leave her home after a visit, we feel like never coming back, but we always do because of our familial relationship with her and our desire not to cause her further anguish.
in thinking of her bitterness and deep-seated mental trauma, i was reminded of how much we cause suffering for ourselves by our refusal to let go of the past. certainly the past is always with us, it is a part of who we are, but, by recalling past hurts and failing to deal with the causes of those hurts, we allow them to injure us over and over. the question is how to resolve the causes of our pains so that we do not continue to experience them repeatedly. holding onto our anger at those who injured us and revisiting every incident when another harmed us prevents us from ever letting go of our suffering.
in the case of our relative, it may be that our visits are difficult for her, because our presence reminds her of the past. our relative has never forgiven either the man who caused the physical injuries or the woman who failed to prevent them. being able to put the past behind us can only happen when we are able to forgive. we can only forgive when we understand the reasons another harmed us, when we see the causes of the suffering in them that caused them to want us to suffer. unless we can understand and forgive, we perpetuate our own suffering and inflict it on others. it is our responsibility not only to ourselves, but to others, to end the cycle of abuse that can so easily go from one generation to the next.
may we seek to understand so that we can forgive. may we learn the power of forgiveness to end our continual pain. may we not injure ourselves over and over. may we not cling to the hurts of the past as we try to love without condition.. shalom.
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