my wife and i witnessed a conversation between a mother and her son a few days ago that has been on my mind ever since. we are related to these two, and both are wonderful people of whom we are quite fond. the son, who is just shy of fifty, lives in his parents' home. he has suffered life-threatening accidents twice in his adult life, both the results of poor judgment on his part. these injuries have left him with some physical and mental handicaps that make it difficult for him to hold a full-time job, so he is dependent on his parents for the necessities of life. though his parents have three extra bedrooms in their home, he has chosen to live in their basement lawn mower garage because he wants to have an indoor cat. his father is allergic to cats, so they cannot have a cat in the house.
his mother worries about him constantly. it is a source of great aggravation to her that he refuses to keep his garage/bedroom clean and tidy. when it is cleaned, it is she who must do it. as we were visiting with them, she made a comment about the state of his living quarters, and he took offense that she would bring the matter up in front of us. his mother usually changes the subject when he takes umbrage at what she is saying, but this time she reminded him that he is living in her house and therefore should conform to her expectations about how he keeps his room. my wife and i were glad that she stuck to her position. in her mid-seventies she should not have to be picking up and cleaning up after a man who is in his late forties.
as we talked about the conversation later, we both felt the same way. if the son truly loves his mother and cares about her well being as much as she does about his, he would do the simple tasks she asks of him, knowing that in so doing he is relieving her of a burden that weighs on her. at her age she should not have to climb up and down the stairs to his basement living quarters to take care of what he should be taking care of himself. by relieving her of this worrisome task, he would be creating a healthier environment for himself and his cat and contributing to a more harmonious household for all three of them.
thinking about this reminded me that we all can ease the burdens of others by paying attention to the things that we do that cause them to suffer. i know that each of us causes our own suffering, but as we live in society with others there is no need for us to continue with actions that bother others when stopping those actions would not harm us and might even help us, as is the case with our male relative who continues to act as if his mother is his maid. so often, a simple act of kindness that costs us nothing makes a world of difference to another.
it is much the same with the mask-wearing controversy in our country. even if one doesn't believe that wearing a mask when out in public prevents the spread of disease, it is a simple act to wear one, an act that costs us little, but wearing a mask may help another person to feel safer and more secure. indeed, refusal to wear a mask ignores the possibility that we are protecting ourselves and others.
may we try to look at life through the eyes of others, seeking to understand things from their perspective. may we not be so quick to judge or to insist on our own way. may we learn to listen with compassion and may our actions be guided by love both for ourselves and for others. shalom.
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