all my life i have attended church services every sunday. the only times i would miss is when i was ill or when i was traveling. the pandemic has changed that. i have only attended worship at the church of which i am a member once during this time, and that was because i was needed to accompany the service in the absence of the regular organist. twice a month, i play for services at another church that is without an organist. when i am not needed to play for a service, i have been absent from worship. i have felt safe in attending services as the organist, since i am able to self-isolate behind the music rack of the organ console. i still don't feel secure about sitting in the congregation during a service, since both churches where i play have abandoned social distancing protocols, and most people no longer wear masks. i'm not ready to return to normal in an enclosed space where large numbers of people are present.
what has surprised me during my absence from every-sunday attendance at worship is that i don't miss it that much. certainly, i miss seeing friends that i only see at that time but otherwise not being there every sunday has not left a void in my life. i feel no guilt in missing worship. my wife has expressed the same sentiments. we have a close relative who is greatly disturbed that we have not been attending church. his wife has not attended either and has no plans to resume going to church in the near future. this relative reminds us of our failure to participate in worship every time we see him and lets us know that others have been asking about us and when we plan to come back to church. he is of the opinion that God will take note of his presence and look favorably on him while viewing us with disapproval.
my wife and i don't plan to go back to worship each sunday until the fall, and we're not certain we'll attend the church to which we belong. we have a new minister who has changed the pattern of our services quite radically. we're afraid that those changes will make us ill at ease, so we may worship at other churches on some sundays, returning to our own church only once or twice a month. we've made friends in a couple of other congregations, and we feel more at home in their worship services than we do in those of our own congregation now. whatever we do, the pandemic has changed our way of thinking about participation in church permanently. were it not for the opportunity to see others that we have come to count as friends and to hear and participate in the music of the church, we might abandon attendance on sunday mornings altogether.
as children we were compelled to go to church. as adults, we went out of habit or because i was employed as a church musician. now that the pandemic has forced us to stay home on sunday mornings, we have re-examined our reasons for church attendance and have found that we will go back only to rekindle friendships and be a part of the camaraderie we find with those friends.
may we be honest with ourselves about our faith and the obligations we feel towards it. may our worship be about loving others rather than out of a sense of duty, force of habit, or fear of a deity's wrath. may we find what normal is for us now as we emerge from the isolation caused by the pandemic. shalom.
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