i have been reading eckhart tolle's book "now," and find it challenging and thoughtful. i am especially intrigued by the idea of the self as an observer of the mind. i must agree with him that one's mind is not the same as one's "self." our minds like to be in control of our actions and feelings, but the mind is often mistaken. to be able to stand apart and challenge the directions the mind gives us can stop us from taking the wrong path. it's important to allow ourselves to pause before acting, reacting, or speaking. discovering the true "me" apart from the mind is a difficult but necessary task that takes constant vigilance, else we allow the mind to control us, causing us to act in ways that are contrary to our true selves.
i often find that when i meditate, thoughts about past actions that were wrong begin to appear, and i am overwhelmed with a sense of guilt and self-recrimination. i am beginning to see that this is the mind trying to take me out of the present moment into the past. this interruption of the peace of my meditation requires me to step back and see that i am not the person i was in the past, that what was done cannot be undone but as i live in the present i can see the errors in my past and stop myself from repeating them. in this way, such thoughts are a good thing, so long as i don't allow the mind to dwell on those mistakes and the guilt arising from them. i am learning to be grateful for the mind's reminders, despite its intrusion on my meditation, since there are lessons to be learned from the past.
as i learn to live more and more in the present, i find that life is easier. there is a flow to life that wasn't there before. little aggravations are not as irritating. my stress level is much lower. i sleep more soundly. little everyday tasks that were once done mechanically and thoughtlessly are now important as i turn my attention to them entirely without allowing random thoughts about other matters to distract me. i am surprised at how much i enjoy these routine tasks when i am present as i perform them. they become events to be celebrated rather than endured.
i am more cognizant of the interconnectedness of all things. the tiniest particle of matter is a manifestation of an intelligence that is a part of everything that is. everything is immortal as one part of creation is transformed into part of something else. we never die; we are only changed into something else when this life is at an end. our physical bodies become food for new life, and in that metamorphosis we return to the intelligence that created us. in the process we discover what becomes of the "me" that has watched our minds during our lives. only at that point can we know what the meaning of eternity is.
may we spend our lives in self-discovery. may we learn to control our minds, rather than allowing our minds to control us. may we find the peace that comes from realizing that we are part of something bigger than ourselves. may we learn true constancy, the evenminded calm that arises from gratitude for life's trials and accepts them as the gifts that they can be. shalom.
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