as i've been doing for the past few weeks, i continue to write about those who've gone before me, to honor my ancestors and learn from them. this week i write about my father's mother, known to her grandchildren as "mama w." mama w was my grandfather's second wife, the first having died at a young age. she raised his son, her stepson, along with my dad and his older brother and sister.
mama w was a woman of many talents. she loved photography and took photos of her family and friends throughout her life. in the days when only black and white photos were possible, she learned to colorize her photos beautifully. these hand-tinted photos were real works of art in her hands. she also was adept at needlework, creating beautiful pieces of knitted and crocheted yarn. i still have the pillow and blanket she made for me in my school colors when i graduated from high school.
she was fortunate that my grandfather was well off, so that she could pursue her hobbies without worrying about their cost. the downside of that good fortune was that she had to raise her stepson and their own three children with little help from him, because his work kept him away from home six days a week. she was alone with the children except for a few hours on the weekends. because of his absence, she developed into a very independent, self-confident woman who managed her household and finances quite well.
she loved her extended family deeply. her four sisters and their families lived nearby in the same county where they were all born, and she visited or was visited by them frequently. her three brothers didn't live close enough to visit often, but they all got together at least a couple of times a year and kept in touch frequently. when she and my grandfather built a new brick home not far from their first home, two of her sisters moved into their older wood-frame home. another sister lived in a small house behind the old home. later in life, after all the children were grown and married with families of their own, the fourth sister and her husband moved their home from out in the country onto a lot mama w owned right behind her own yard, so all four lived only a few steps from one another.
mama w was fascinated by genealogy, having researched her family history back to the time of the american revolution. she was in possession of the family bible that had been brought by her grandfather and his family when they moved to arkansas before it became a state. like her, i was interested in family history, which endeared me to her. when she died, she left a note in the bible that said, "i want j to have this bible." it still sits on a bookshelf in our study. one bit of family lore she told me was about my great-great-uncle jim, her mother's brother. uncle jim had died long before i was born, so what little i know of him comes from mama w. it seems that uncle jim went to st. louis as young man to study medicine and became a doctor. he returned home to practice, but early in his career one of his patients died. he was so distraught about his inability to save this patient that he abandoned his dream of being a doctor in rural arkansas and was a farmer the remainder of his life.
i always spent a week or two in the summer with my paternal grandparents, and mama w and i became great friends. she took me everywhere she went when i came to visit. we did the grocery shopping together, visited her firends and family, and attended church services. she even would take me with her to doctor appointments if they fell during the time i was visiting her. she talked in a calm, quiet voice, and her calm manner was a great influence on me. her home was always quiet and peaceful, even when it was many family members were there, a marked contrast to my maternal grandparents' home which was always filled with boisterous conversation and laughter. i loved both atmospheres, and they combined to make me who i am.
when i was to enter my second year of college, i planned to live with my grandmother and commute the ten miles or so to the next town where my school was located. in august of that summer, just before my college was to begin the fall semester, mama w suffered a massive stroke. i remember driving over to visit her in the hospital. she lay in her hospital bed, unable to speak. i could tell from her eyes and the expression on her face that she recognized me and was happy to see me. a few days later, she died. her children and their spouses were gathered around her bed, but we grandchildren weren't allowed in the room. i was so sad that i hadn't been able to be with my dear mama w during those last moments of her life and that i was unable to spend that year living in her home and enjoying her company.
may we learn that the differences between those we love don't make one person better than another. may we accept others as they are and love them for being who they are. may we honor those who've gone before, remembering what they contributed to making us who we are. shalom.
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