Thursday, December 30, 2010

An End to Christmas?

Yesterday was "pack up Christmas" day at our house.  This is always an upsetting time for me.  i always hate to see our Christmas "stuff" put away, & i'm always down during the time when that is taking place.  i know that this is a bigger job for my wife than it is for me, and i understand why she is always ready to get everything put away after Christmas and to return the house to its normal state.  i prayed that i would be there to help her without the appearance of the grumpiness that i usually feel on the annual workday after Christmas.  i was largely successful in being an extra pair of helping hands and doing my share of the work without complaining.  i can't say that i enjoyed it, but when i collapsed in the early evening, and my wife got her second wind and kept going, i have to say that i felt joy in seeing that she was relishing the fact that the end of the work was in sight.  i also had to acknowledge that the work was more pleasant for me that it has ever been before.

This morning as i prayed and meditated i tried to look at my reactions objectively.  i realized that my tiredness was as much an emotional weariness as a physical one.  Seeing the end of the Christmas celebration, while at the same time being there for my wife, had left me totally worn out mentally and physically, and that's OK.  My prayer is that i can carry the spirit of Christmas forward into the new year and that i can remember that even though decorations have come down in our home, the liturgical season is not yet over.  i can have the joy that Christmas brings all year long, because Christmas is the celebration of the gift of Jesus to us

i felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety this morning, though.  i have taken on a new responsibility at church, i have agreed to fill in for a friend in his church for a couple of Sundays in January so he can have some much needed time away, i have a performance this month with our local community chorus & symphony to which i am obligated, and we have friends that are wanting us to come spend a few days with them.  This morning, all of this seemed to be weighing down on me.  i know that God is there to help me, and if i just let go, everything will fall into place.  i am praying that i will be able to open my heart to God's leading and quit thinking that it is the all-imporant me that must take care of all these responsibilities.

In my mind, i know that part of the anxiety is tied into the un-decorating of our house, and i know, too, that through these seemingly overwhelming responsibilities and obligations God is leading me to learn that God gives us a perfect day each day.  It is my wanting to control the day that causes the problem.  Today, i'm asking God to help me let go of that desire for control and acknowledge the perfection that my need to control sees as imperfection.

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