as i continue to write about those who've gone before me and to honor them in this way, i remember my aunt bess. she was my maternal grandmother's sister and my favorite of all my grandparents' siblings. aunt bess was like a third grandmother to me. she grew up in rural southwest arkansas with my mamaw and her other siblings, the youngest of my great-grandmother's children. after mamaw and papaw married and moved to magnolia, arkansas, aunt bess joined them there so she could complete high school and go to college.
because of the opportunities that education afforded her, she was interested in art and music in a deeper way than any of her siblings. none of her brothers or sisters had gone beyond the eighth grade, since that was as far as the rural school they attended would take them. since aunt bess was able to enroll in the high school and college in magnolia, she was much better educated than most people in those days. she was more independent and adventurous than women were supposed to be in those days. when lindbergh returned from his record-setting flight from the united states to france, she traveled by train to st. louis by herself to see him honored by that city, an unheard-of trip for a single woman to make in the society in which she lived.
she insisted that my mother take piano lessons, an opportunity she never had. she knew that her sister, my mamaw, played by ear and hoped that my mother had inherited that ability. because my grandparents didn't have the money to pay for lessons and a piano, aunt bess paid for them herself. by that time she had married and had gotten a job working in a large building supply company in magnolia, so she had more financial security than my grandparents who put everything they had into caring for their four children and keeping their business afloat.
after her first husband died, aunt bess remarried. as i have written earlier, my great-grandmother lived with aunt bess by that time and couldn't stand my aunt bess's second husband, ben, because he was a "yankee." her distaste for ben, who died after the birth of his and aunt bess's only child, caused grandma kate to move in with my mamaw and papaw. aunt bess doted on her daughter, betty sue. she and my mother were like sisters, and i remember betty sue as a beautiful, vivacious woman with a wonderful sense of humor and a laugh that was like music. aunt bess gave her piano, voice, and violin lessons, and she became an excellent musician. i'll have to write more about her later.
aunt bess owned a large home on one of the main streets in magnolia. she created two apartments in the home, leaving a large suite of rooms consisting of a living/dining room, a large eat-in kitchen, as well as two bedrooms and two bathrooms, for herself. she had arranged the rooms in her part of the house so that she could subdivide her quarters into a private space for herself while the other side of her area could become a third apartment because there was a small kitchen behind one of the bedrooms. at times when housing availability was tight, she would consent to letting out half of her living quarters, though she preferred to keep all of her space to herself.
when i became a teenager, i would stay with my aunt bess while attending week-long music workshops for high school students that were held on the local college campus. aunt bess loved having me stay with her and spoiled me with delicious food. she talked to me as if i were an adult, and i always felt happy in her presence. later, when i attended college in magnolia, i often visited with her and attended church with her. after my wife and i married we lived in a town about thirty minutes from aunt bess, and i continued to be close to her, often stopping by to visit with her when we travled through magnolia.
as she got older, she had difficulty caring for her large home and longed to see more of her daughter and her grandchildren. betty sue and her family lived in one of the suburbs of phoenix, arizona, so aunt bess decided to sell her home and move to live with betty sue and her husband. by that time her two grandchildren were grown and living on their own, so there was plenty of room in betty sue's home. i was heartbroken that aunt bess was moving so far away, but i understood her need to be with her daughter and her daughter's family. by that time, mamaw had passed away, and aunt bess longed for more companionship, especially since she had given up driving.
i learned many lessons for aunt bess. she was the exemplar of kindness, always looking for and desiring the best in others. she was an independent woman in a day when women were supposed to be dependent on their husbands. she was an astute businesswoman who lived on her own terms but always treasured her family connections.
may we learn from women like aunt bess. may we refuse to conform to the gender roles society assigns us without becoming hard and callous. may we remember that business acumen and kindness are both possible. may we know the value of family. may we treat others, no matter how young, with respect. shalom.
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