a few days ago, my wife and i traveled about 70 miles from our home to tour two homes that had been the dwellings of a famous writer. both homes are on the same property, so seeing both in one trip was convenient. we had talked about making this trip ever since we moved here six years ago but had never gotten around to it. as we drove, my wife told me that she didn't really care to spend the money to tour the homes and would be happy just to see and photograph them from the outside. i wanted to see the interior of the homes, so she suggested that i go on the tour while she waited outside for me.
when we got to the welcome center and museum where tickets could be purchased, we talked with the young woman at the reception desk about the length and cost of the tours. we discovered that a museum of artifacts belonging to the writer and her family were part of the tour tickets, as well as a short film about her life. we went into the gift shop in the welcome center to look around and discuss what we wanted to do. i told my wife that i would be satisfied just seeing the homes from the outside, while she insisted that i take the tour alone. i replied that i didn't want to take the tour without her. to my surprise, she said that we ought to go ahead and buy tour tickets for both of us. i was struck by her willingness to go with me on the tour, even though i knew she wasn't really interested in the homes' interiors. as a compromise, i suggested that we only tour the first home and simply take pictures of the outside of the second because it didn't have as deep a connection to the writer as the first home.
that pleased my wife, and we agreed on that plan. we both enjoyed the tour, the film, and the museum. the timing worked out perfectly, since we had several errands to run on the way back to our home. by leaving out the second home tour, we were able to get back home earlier and have a restful evening at home before retiring for the night.
my wife's desire for me to be able to do what i wanted on this visit to the writer's property made me aware of her deep love for me, as i hope my willingness to give up some of what i wanted touched her. this is what love for one another is all about: putting the needs and desires of another on an equal footing with our own. a few years ago, one of us would have insisted to having our own way, while the other would have been angry because they didn't get their own way. by reaching a compromise, we both got some of what we wanted, and the end result made the day work out perfectly.
may we realize that part of love is not insisting on one's own way. may we express our needs and desires honestly without demanding that others fulfill them. may we be willing to give as well as to take. shalom.
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