we were talking with another couple our age a few days ago about how our views of our parents have changed as we've gotten older. this came up when one of us made a remark about one of our children never coming to help us with anything. we all remembered that as our fathers aged, we never thought of them as getting old. in our younger days, we seemed to think that our fathers would be with us forever, that they were just as capable of handling all their responsibilities like mowing the yard and trimming the shrubs as they had been when we were growing up. now that we are up in years, we see that they could have used our help. their stamina made it more difficult for them to take care of everything around their homes, but we couldn't see that until we ourselves were at the same point in our lives.
our attitudes towards our mothers were different, though. as our mothers aged, we felt the need to help them and made many trips to do things for them that we didn't do for our fathers. i was the only participant in the conversation whose father had outlived his wife. my wife and i did many things for her mother after my wife's father died, but we didn't do any of those things for my father after my mother died. it wasn't that i didn't love my father. i just had a different attitude about him and his needs than i did about my wife's mother. as i look back, i can see that much of that had to do with sexism. in my mind, my wife's mother was weaker and needed help; my father, being a male, was stronger and, because he was a man, was able to look after himself without my help. i know now that i was wrong. he could have used my help but i failed to see it.
now i am in the same position. i don't blame my son for not coming over to help me with chores that are difficult for me. i'm sure he feels as i did--that his father is indestructible, forever young. if i were to die, he would probably come to his mother's aid to see that physically demanding chores around the house were taken care of. one day, he will see, as i do now, that as we get older we can't get things done as quickly as we used to and some things must be left for others to do because we can't do them for ourselves. i don't regret not helping my dad. he probably would have resented me "taking over" those tasks that had become difficult for him, just as i resist asking my own son for help. i'm simply amazed that i see through different eyes now than i did not so many years ago. in many ways i have become my dad and my son has become me.
may we understand how we are all related, how each of us changes with the passage of time. may we see that the vantage point of youth is different from that of old age and have compassion for one another no matter at what stage of life we find ourselves. may we know that we are all sons and fathers, daughters and mothers, each of us part of the same family. may we be slow to condemn and quick to love. shalom.
Tuesday, July 14, 2020
Tuesday, July 7, 2020
Try to Love One Another Right Now
the other day i went into a local pizza shop to pick up a pizza i had ordered. as i walked along the side of the shop to the entrance, i noticed several signs posted that said masks were required inside the building. at the door, the same sign was posted, and just inside the door was a large chalkboard with "masks required" written on it in large letters. as i waited at the counter, another customer came in without a mask on. i pointed to the sign, and she smiled back at me, obviously not intending to return to her car and put on a mask. i pointed to the sign once more and got the same reaction.
as i left the shop with my pizza, a group of older folks were getting out of their car. noticing the sign, one of them asked, "do you really have to wear a mask inside?" i pointed to one of the signs, and said, "that's what the sign says." one of the women in the group turned to the driver of the car and asked him to retrieve their masks, while she and the rest of the group proceeded to the door. the driver followed behind with several masks in his hand, but none of them stopped to put the masks on. as i got in my car, i wondered if they ever donned their masks.
i don't understand the attitudes of people who refuse to wear masks in public. do they believe that the masks are of no use in spreading the virus? do they have no regard for those around them? do they think that the reports about the virus and its ease of transmission are "fake news?" are they making a political statement in support of a president who ignores the advice of health experts, encourages risky behavior on the part of the population by presiding over large gatherings that make social distancing impossible, and refuses to wear a mask himself? maybe all of these reasons apply.
as i meditated this morning, i repeated the phrase, "may i be filled with lovingkindness and compassion, may i be well." as the words went through my mind, i thought of the unmasked woman in the pizza place, and the group of older people who entered without wearing their masks. a sense of lovingkindness and compassion for those who worked in the restaurant would compel its patrons to wear masks. if we wish to be well and to help others to be well, then we will wear a mask when we are among others outside our own homes. our own health and the health of others are inextricably wed. wearing a mask is a simple way of protecting one another as virus infections increase in so many places.
may we all be filled with lovingkindness and compassion so that we may be well. may we tolerate some inconvenience and discomfort if, in doing so, we can make life better for others. may our interconnectedness lead us to see that we must not think only of ourselves, that indeed we are all part of one great Self. shalom.
as i left the shop with my pizza, a group of older folks were getting out of their car. noticing the sign, one of them asked, "do you really have to wear a mask inside?" i pointed to one of the signs, and said, "that's what the sign says." one of the women in the group turned to the driver of the car and asked him to retrieve their masks, while she and the rest of the group proceeded to the door. the driver followed behind with several masks in his hand, but none of them stopped to put the masks on. as i got in my car, i wondered if they ever donned their masks.
i don't understand the attitudes of people who refuse to wear masks in public. do they believe that the masks are of no use in spreading the virus? do they have no regard for those around them? do they think that the reports about the virus and its ease of transmission are "fake news?" are they making a political statement in support of a president who ignores the advice of health experts, encourages risky behavior on the part of the population by presiding over large gatherings that make social distancing impossible, and refuses to wear a mask himself? maybe all of these reasons apply.
as i meditated this morning, i repeated the phrase, "may i be filled with lovingkindness and compassion, may i be well." as the words went through my mind, i thought of the unmasked woman in the pizza place, and the group of older people who entered without wearing their masks. a sense of lovingkindness and compassion for those who worked in the restaurant would compel its patrons to wear masks. if we wish to be well and to help others to be well, then we will wear a mask when we are among others outside our own homes. our own health and the health of others are inextricably wed. wearing a mask is a simple way of protecting one another as virus infections increase in so many places.
may we all be filled with lovingkindness and compassion so that we may be well. may we tolerate some inconvenience and discomfort if, in doing so, we can make life better for others. may our interconnectedness lead us to see that we must not think only of ourselves, that indeed we are all part of one great Self. shalom.
Tuesday, June 30, 2020
Earth and All Stars
each morning as i walk inside my home and meditate, i touch a variety of surfaces--various types of wood and fabric, the quartz of the kitchen countertop, the glass that covers the kitchen table, the metal on appliances. i'm aware of the variety of sensations that each material causes on my fingertips or the side of my arm as i brush past the objects along my path. it struck me that all these substances, though very different, are part of the stuff of that primordial explosion that brought the universe into being. everything, including myself, is made of the dust of that "big bang" and eventually we and everything we see and touch will return to that same dust.
in this way, the universe and everything in it is related. we and the stars are one living thing, a whole much greater than the sum of its parts. this collection of particles--electrons, protons, neutrons--that i call "me" are the same bits of matter that form all that exists. the differences between "me" and a piece of wood or sheet of metal are much less than our similarities. if there is so little that separates "me" from an inanimate object, the differentiation between this "me" and billions of other "me's" is miniscule. we are so much alike, all made of the same stardust that makes up the rest of the universe. the villain and the saint, the emperor and the pauper, the arab, the jew and the gentile, the man and the woman--we're all the same. circumstances and the choices we make in dealing with them cause us to go down divergent paths. biology and the ways in which we are brought up--nature and nurture--cause us to look at life differently. in the end we are part of one great sameness.
this being the case, we must relate to one another in ways that recognize that we are not individuals looking at everything outside us as some "other." we and all that surrounds us make up the environment. caring for the earth and every person is caring for ourselves. the vastness of the universe is contained in each of us, and, as the psalmist says, we are "wonderfully made."
may we see the holiness of every object and every person. because we are all made of the same stuff, may lovingkindness, compassion, and forgiveness flow from us to every living thing. may we remember that we came from dust and will return to dust, part of the eternal cycle of the universe. shalom.
in this way, the universe and everything in it is related. we and the stars are one living thing, a whole much greater than the sum of its parts. this collection of particles--electrons, protons, neutrons--that i call "me" are the same bits of matter that form all that exists. the differences between "me" and a piece of wood or sheet of metal are much less than our similarities. if there is so little that separates "me" from an inanimate object, the differentiation between this "me" and billions of other "me's" is miniscule. we are so much alike, all made of the same stardust that makes up the rest of the universe. the villain and the saint, the emperor and the pauper, the arab, the jew and the gentile, the man and the woman--we're all the same. circumstances and the choices we make in dealing with them cause us to go down divergent paths. biology and the ways in which we are brought up--nature and nurture--cause us to look at life differently. in the end we are part of one great sameness.
this being the case, we must relate to one another in ways that recognize that we are not individuals looking at everything outside us as some "other." we and all that surrounds us make up the environment. caring for the earth and every person is caring for ourselves. the vastness of the universe is contained in each of us, and, as the psalmist says, we are "wonderfully made."
may we see the holiness of every object and every person. because we are all made of the same stuff, may lovingkindness, compassion, and forgiveness flow from us to every living thing. may we remember that we came from dust and will return to dust, part of the eternal cycle of the universe. shalom.
Tuesday, June 23, 2020
The Words of Hope I Often Failed to Give
in reading the book, "letting go," by david hawkins, i've been most taken by his discussion of how to let go of our regrets about past actions or failure to act. so often in meditation, painful incidents from our past surface. we are filled with bitterness and anxiety by the ways we've hurt others or been hurt by them. these mistakes may have taken place years ago, but they still haunt us. we wish that we could change the way we behaved towards another or had acted when we stood by. we can't go back and change the past, but we can learn from it and sometimes make amends. hawkins reminds us that we did the best we could. even if we didn't, our mind magnifies the effects of our past on others. what we imagine as a deep injury that we caused another may have simply been a blip on their radar that was forgotten long ago while our own ego turns it into a giant storm that never existed.
one's own limited past experience and understanding is now seen by a wiser person who would have acted differently. we can be grateful for having gained wisdom so that, presented with the same or similar circumstances, we would behave with more compassion and lovingkindness. we can let go or those past regrets and forgive ourselves, knowing that we have gained greater insight into our own mind and heart and into those of others. our minds cling to our past in ways that are painful to us, magnifying old hurts that we caused others or that others caused us.
this clinging tells us that we are unworthy, playing back old recordings that create suffering where none need exist. we can let go of that pain. it is ironic that our search for peace and calm brings this suffering to the surface. yet were it not so, how else could we deal with it by changing the mind's pattern to one of forgiveness and calm rather than one of regret and unrest. we learn to revere a past that has brought us to the place we are now, grateful for the lessons we've learned, relishing the joys of the past, and letting go of the suffering caused by our ignorance.
may we replace pain with gratitude and awareness. may we not dwell on past missteps. may we embrace the goodness within us and recognize the goodness within others, despite how we sometimes harm one another. may we make the process of learning and letting go a part of our lives. shalom.
one's own limited past experience and understanding is now seen by a wiser person who would have acted differently. we can be grateful for having gained wisdom so that, presented with the same or similar circumstances, we would behave with more compassion and lovingkindness. we can let go or those past regrets and forgive ourselves, knowing that we have gained greater insight into our own mind and heart and into those of others. our minds cling to our past in ways that are painful to us, magnifying old hurts that we caused others or that others caused us.
this clinging tells us that we are unworthy, playing back old recordings that create suffering where none need exist. we can let go of that pain. it is ironic that our search for peace and calm brings this suffering to the surface. yet were it not so, how else could we deal with it by changing the mind's pattern to one of forgiveness and calm rather than one of regret and unrest. we learn to revere a past that has brought us to the place we are now, grateful for the lessons we've learned, relishing the joys of the past, and letting go of the suffering caused by our ignorance.
may we replace pain with gratitude and awareness. may we not dwell on past missteps. may we embrace the goodness within us and recognize the goodness within others, despite how we sometimes harm one another. may we make the process of learning and letting go a part of our lives. shalom.
Tuesday, June 16, 2020
God's Truth Is Marching On
we've watched the unfolding protests in this country and around the world over the horrific murder of george floyd by a uniformed police officer in minnesota. following soon after the killing of ahmad arbery, a young black man out jogging who was assumed to be up to no good by two white vigilantes, the killing of floyd seems to have been the last straw for many who see the racism that was so long suppressed in the usa coming to the surface during the administration of donald trump. the president's thinly disguised racism has encouraged those who had been afraid to openly express their hateful philosophy to come out of the shadows. it is a heartening sign that so many have joined and supported the protests in recognition that we can no longer allow racists to bully our society.
i have been surprised at the attitudes of some people that i have great affection for. the male member of a couple with whom we play cards said the other day, as we were discussing floyd's murder, that he didn't believe that black people in this country are discriminated against, though he agreed that floyd's killer should be brought to justice and that there had been discrimination in the past. my wife and i were horrified by his statement. he has lived all of his working life in an area where there are few blacks, the same area where we now live. it seems that the black population was driven from this community in the aftermath of the civil war, and the area has a reputation as a haven for racists of the worst kind. attitudes in the town have changed radically over the last twenty-five or so years, with the black population increasing, though it is still a minuscule part of the total population. we reminded him of how out of touch with the life of blacks in this country he was and pointed out to him many instances of discrimination that still exist, though i am certain that we didn't convince him that his position was wrong.
a few days later, his daughter posted a short essay on facebook, the main point of which was that, while racism exists, it has and always will because we are all imperfect sinners whose only hope is trusting that jesus died on the cross to atone for our imperfections. she went on to say that when she graduated from high school she was unable to be enrolled in the university of her choice because of affirmative action and that her husband had been turned down for jobs because of racial quotas in companies where he has applied. she has never lived in a racially diverse community, she and her family attend churches that have few black congregants, her children attend "christian schools" that are almost 100% white. in short, she has no inkling of the black experience in this country and believes that we must ignore history and declare that we now have a level playing field where everyone has equal opportunities.
no white person in this country can fully understand what it is like to be a black person in our society. we don't appreciate what it is like to be descended from people who were forcibly removed from their homes, brought across the atlantic ocean under the most inhumane conditions one can conceive, and enslaved, bought and sold like livestock in the public square to work in the fields so that a white family could live in luxury off the fruits of their involuntary, unpaid labor. we don't have to teach our children how to act in an appropriately servile manner when approached by a police officer. we don't have to suffer the indignity of being presumed to be a criminal because of the color of our skin.
it is easy to think that because we had no part in past injustices we are free of responsibility for them. every white person in this country has participated in the oppression of black americans in some way. my forbears were slave owners. they came to this state early in its history, bringing with them their slaves who had no choice in moving here. they were my great-great-grandfather's possessions, and it didn't matter that they had to leave the remainder of their family to come with him and his family to a new and strange place. even if our families never owned slaves, we've profited off the economic enslavement of black people, though those people were ostensibly free. before desegregation, many of our children enjoyed the best of a free public education, while most black children attended second-rate schools. after desegregation, so that a predominantly white society could pay lower taxes, public schools have been starved for funds, making it easy for white americans to say that they have to send their children to segregated private schools because of the inferiority of public schools. attempts to make up for past wrongs, such as affirmative action and hiring quotas, have been derided as discriminatory to white people, and conservative politicians and judges have done everything they can to do away with such public policies, with a great deal of success.
we now see the fruits of our past actions. it is no wonder that black people and their supporters are rising up against an unjust system designed to "keep black in their place," subservient to a white majority that is increasingly a smaller proportion of the population as a whole. this fact strikes fear in the hearts of those who want to "make america great again," a code for returning to a past that made injustice and inequality part of the legal foundation of our country. if we are to be a truly great, we have to right the wrongs of the past and face our history honestly. while we can't live in the past, we shouldn't forget it either, since it informs the present state of our country.
may we truly make america great by embracing the ideals of the declaration of independence, even if its principal author didn't always live his own life in accord with those ideals. may we see that we all have to play our part in righting past wrongs, even when it is costly to us. may we be quiet and listen, learning from those who cry out against their continuing maltreatment, as we seek to understand what their experiences must be like. shalom.
i have been surprised at the attitudes of some people that i have great affection for. the male member of a couple with whom we play cards said the other day, as we were discussing floyd's murder, that he didn't believe that black people in this country are discriminated against, though he agreed that floyd's killer should be brought to justice and that there had been discrimination in the past. my wife and i were horrified by his statement. he has lived all of his working life in an area where there are few blacks, the same area where we now live. it seems that the black population was driven from this community in the aftermath of the civil war, and the area has a reputation as a haven for racists of the worst kind. attitudes in the town have changed radically over the last twenty-five or so years, with the black population increasing, though it is still a minuscule part of the total population. we reminded him of how out of touch with the life of blacks in this country he was and pointed out to him many instances of discrimination that still exist, though i am certain that we didn't convince him that his position was wrong.
a few days later, his daughter posted a short essay on facebook, the main point of which was that, while racism exists, it has and always will because we are all imperfect sinners whose only hope is trusting that jesus died on the cross to atone for our imperfections. she went on to say that when she graduated from high school she was unable to be enrolled in the university of her choice because of affirmative action and that her husband had been turned down for jobs because of racial quotas in companies where he has applied. she has never lived in a racially diverse community, she and her family attend churches that have few black congregants, her children attend "christian schools" that are almost 100% white. in short, she has no inkling of the black experience in this country and believes that we must ignore history and declare that we now have a level playing field where everyone has equal opportunities.
no white person in this country can fully understand what it is like to be a black person in our society. we don't appreciate what it is like to be descended from people who were forcibly removed from their homes, brought across the atlantic ocean under the most inhumane conditions one can conceive, and enslaved, bought and sold like livestock in the public square to work in the fields so that a white family could live in luxury off the fruits of their involuntary, unpaid labor. we don't have to teach our children how to act in an appropriately servile manner when approached by a police officer. we don't have to suffer the indignity of being presumed to be a criminal because of the color of our skin.
it is easy to think that because we had no part in past injustices we are free of responsibility for them. every white person in this country has participated in the oppression of black americans in some way. my forbears were slave owners. they came to this state early in its history, bringing with them their slaves who had no choice in moving here. they were my great-great-grandfather's possessions, and it didn't matter that they had to leave the remainder of their family to come with him and his family to a new and strange place. even if our families never owned slaves, we've profited off the economic enslavement of black people, though those people were ostensibly free. before desegregation, many of our children enjoyed the best of a free public education, while most black children attended second-rate schools. after desegregation, so that a predominantly white society could pay lower taxes, public schools have been starved for funds, making it easy for white americans to say that they have to send their children to segregated private schools because of the inferiority of public schools. attempts to make up for past wrongs, such as affirmative action and hiring quotas, have been derided as discriminatory to white people, and conservative politicians and judges have done everything they can to do away with such public policies, with a great deal of success.
we now see the fruits of our past actions. it is no wonder that black people and their supporters are rising up against an unjust system designed to "keep black in their place," subservient to a white majority that is increasingly a smaller proportion of the population as a whole. this fact strikes fear in the hearts of those who want to "make america great again," a code for returning to a past that made injustice and inequality part of the legal foundation of our country. if we are to be a truly great, we have to right the wrongs of the past and face our history honestly. while we can't live in the past, we shouldn't forget it either, since it informs the present state of our country.
may we truly make america great by embracing the ideals of the declaration of independence, even if its principal author didn't always live his own life in accord with those ideals. may we see that we all have to play our part in righting past wrongs, even when it is costly to us. may we be quiet and listen, learning from those who cry out against their continuing maltreatment, as we seek to understand what their experiences must be like. shalom.
Tuesday, June 9, 2020
For It Is In Dying That We Are Born
"may i understand the clinging and craving which cause my suffering." what are "clinging" and "craving?" in his description of love, st. paul lists these attributes of what love isn't and doesn't: love is not envious, boastful, arrogant, or rude, does not insist on its own way, is not irritable or resentful, does not keep a count of wrongs. perhaps these characteristics of what-love-is-not tell us, at least in part, what clinging and craving are. all of these negatives are signs of one who is so caught up in the ego as to be incapable of love. such a person clings to an idea of self that is the very definition of "self-ish," craving a world in which everything revolves around one's own desires. we cling to this small self, often doing the opposite of love. we envy others for what they have and what they've accomplished, we boast of our possessions and status while belittling others, we arrogantly proclaim our own superiority, we give little thought to the feelings of others, we insist on the rightness of our own way of thinking, we lash out at others when they disagree with others and keep a scorecard of their failings and refusals to bow to our will. this clinging to what is "ours" and craving what is another's is a recipe for unhappiness and suffering.
in many ways clinging and craving are two sides of the same coin. we cling to our own ways of thinking and doing, and we crave for things to remain as we would wish them to be. yet change is inevitable; it is the only constant. it is essential that we learn to accept change and to adapt to it. in fact, change within ourselves is the only way that we can achieve happiness and lessen suffering. we must abandon our unlovely ways of thinking and being little by little as we move down the path that leads to the end of our suffering. we must become the servant of all and serve others, as jesus said, if we are to stop clinging and craving, to end our what-love-is-not ways.
may we each learn to open our hearts to the big world around us. may we seek out larger ways of thinking about ourselves and our relationships to others. may we embrace change and allow it to flow through us, enlarging our perspective and filling our hearts with lovingkindness. may we accept ourselves and others in all our unloveliness without clinging to that which keeps us stuck in our smallness. shalom.
in many ways clinging and craving are two sides of the same coin. we cling to our own ways of thinking and doing, and we crave for things to remain as we would wish them to be. yet change is inevitable; it is the only constant. it is essential that we learn to accept change and to adapt to it. in fact, change within ourselves is the only way that we can achieve happiness and lessen suffering. we must abandon our unlovely ways of thinking and being little by little as we move down the path that leads to the end of our suffering. we must become the servant of all and serve others, as jesus said, if we are to stop clinging and craving, to end our what-love-is-not ways.
may we each learn to open our hearts to the big world around us. may we seek out larger ways of thinking about ourselves and our relationships to others. may we embrace change and allow it to flow through us, enlarging our perspective and filling our hearts with lovingkindness. may we accept ourselves and others in all our unloveliness without clinging to that which keeps us stuck in our smallness. shalom.
Tuesday, June 2, 2020
Let Our Loves and Fears Unravel
we think of patience as a virtue we should cultivate. yet, as jack cornfield reminds us, the concept of "patience" carries negative connotations. we need patience to endure that which is uncomfortable, painful, or troubling. we say that we "lose our patience" when confronted with life's trials. kornfield suggests that a better perspective is that of constancy, to be unperturbed regardless of the circumstances. to that end, we learn to be grateful for those things that offer us a chance to remain constant in the face of adversity, retaining our inward calm in both good times and bad.
as i thought about this concept, i was reminded of many phrases that are part of my daily meditation. several times each morning, i pray that i may develop even-minded calm, that i may be constant, that i may persist and endure in love, that i may be peaceful and at ease. when i remember these phrases, i can face the petty and large tribulations of life without becoming angry or stressed. i can even be grateful for the opportunity to practice the even-minded calm that i try to instill in my heart and mind. it is when i forget the blessing of constancy that i feel my body tighten and my stomach tie itself in knots.
may we each learn to be constant rather than patient. may we be grateful for all that life brings us, learning to see the good in what would otherwise cause us pain and grief. may we be at peace with ourselves and the world of which we are a part. shalom.
as i thought about this concept, i was reminded of many phrases that are part of my daily meditation. several times each morning, i pray that i may develop even-minded calm, that i may be constant, that i may persist and endure in love, that i may be peaceful and at ease. when i remember these phrases, i can face the petty and large tribulations of life without becoming angry or stressed. i can even be grateful for the opportunity to practice the even-minded calm that i try to instill in my heart and mind. it is when i forget the blessing of constancy that i feel my body tighten and my stomach tie itself in knots.
may we each learn to be constant rather than patient. may we be grateful for all that life brings us, learning to see the good in what would otherwise cause us pain and grief. may we be at peace with ourselves and the world of which we are a part. shalom.
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