Isn't She Lovely

a few months ago, we went to dinner with my son and his partner.  We could see excitement in their faces when they walked into the restaurant.  after they were seated at our table and we had exchanged the usual pleasantries, they said they had something to tell us.  we were mystified by their obvious elation, and we were completely bowled over when they said they were expecting a baby.  our son is in his mid-forties and his partner is in her late thirties, and we had given up on the idea of ever having a grandchild.   we were thrilled, of course, and the two of them were clearly overjoyed with the prospect of being parents.

the pregnancy has gone smoothly.  they have gone to birthing classes together and moved into another house that was better suited to housing their small family.  they've spent the last few weeks redoing the house and setting up a beautiful nursery.  they've collected all the necessary equipment, furnishings, and clothing for the baby.  today, we're going over to the town where they live for a baby shower being given by two of their friends and will get to meet the happy mother's parents and see their new home in person.  

there is something about the realization that you are a part of the miracle of creation that can't be duplicated by any other experience.  i can remember the overwhelming joy that my wife and i experienced when we learned that we were becoming parents.  may each of us know the thrill of unconditional love for another being.  may we marvel at the continuum of bringing new life into the world.  may we be filled with gratitude as we recognize our part in the miracle of birth.  shalom.

Wish You Were Here

i was awakened this morning with a dream fresh in my mind.  in it, i was saying goodbye to some former teachers and expressing my appreciation to them.  these were not teachers who had been a part of my life.  they were characters who were unknown to me, and i couldn't understand where these folks had come from or why they had emerged in my dream.  in my state of being barely awake, i also wondered what the dream's meaning was.  

as i thought about it, all i could figure out was that my mind was reminding me that i had never expressed my gratitude to many who had played important roles in my life as i grew up.  i remembered my piano teacher with whom i studied for eleven years.  once i graduated from high school, i never returned to see her and express my appreciation for all she had taught me.  i thought of many of my friends with whom i lost contact over the years and for whom i still have a deep affection.  i felt guilty for failing to convey my gratitude to so many people who are valued by me.

then, i reminded myself that this is the way of life.  there are so many whose lives i have touched who no longer stay in contact with me and who have never thanked me for the help i gave them.  it's not because they are ungrateful, but it is impossible to maintain all our relationships from the past and carry on with our lives.  we repay the beneficial influence of others by paying forward the gifts they have given us.  as much as we would like to continue relationships with all those who played important roles in our lives, we have our responsibilities and relationships to maintain in the present.  we can continue to feel gratitude for the past, but we can't let it weigh us down when the present is all we are able to deal with.

may we take time to remember those who have been good influences in our lives and express our gratitude to them as time allows.  may we repay past helpers by following their example in the present.  may we not weigh ourselves down with guilt for that which cannot be helped.  may we correct past failings when it is possible to do so.  shalom.

The World's Fierce Winds

as i was meditating a few days ago, my mind dredged up an incident from over thirty years ago when i made a foolish, embarrassing mistake.  i began to berate myself for this long-ago lapse of judgment, and then i caught myself.  another voice inside me told me that what was in the past needed to stay there, that i mustn't continue to punish myself for something that i could not change.  i told myself to focus on the present and to let the past go.  i realized that my mind was not my friend at that moment.

this sort of thing happens so often.  as i was driving through town listening to the radio shortly after this realization, a commentator said much the same thing.  he said, "we remember the bad things that happen to us and often forget the good, even though the good far outweighs the bad," or words to that effect.  how true this is!  our minds constantly seek to control us rather than the other way around.  this is why we must train our minds to serve us rather than to punish us.  

meditation can sometimes be a curse, because the mind has the opportunity to bring up bad things from the past, interrupting our calm stillness, as it seeks to assert control over us.  we must remind ourselves that our minds are not who we are in the depth of our being.  the focus on our breath takes us away from the tyrant that is our mind, drawing us to our true selves, thus allowing our true nature to take control of the mind.

may we rein in our minds when they do us harm or bring out the worst in us.  may we learn from our mistakes with gratitude for the lessons they teach us without their arrows repeatedly wounding us.  may we have confidence in the breath, rather than in the mind.  may we experience true peace.  shalom.

Let It Be

this week one of the things i've worked on has been reframing how i react to the petty annoyances that are bound to occur in my daily life.  my intention has been, and continues to be, to see these little bumps as opportunities to learn and to be grateful for them.  when i knocked my coffee cup over and spilled coffee on the floor, i wasn't happy about my clumsiness, but i was able to act quickly to minimize the damage and smile at myself for being human.  when i wasn't able to get around to one of my last chores of putting away christmas lights, i didn't become frustrated and angry, but i recognized that i had already accomplished much that day and accepted the truth that the world wasn't changed for the worse by delaying my little job another day or two.

so often, we miss out on the joy of life because we get caught up in having things turn out just the way we want them to.  little accidents occur and plans go awry.  we wouldn't be living if that weren't so.  the secret is to recognize that minor annoyances are part of life and accept them, smiling at ourselves for being human.

may we accept our humanity.  may we smile instead of becoming angry and irritated.  may we be thankful for the opportunity to learn and to let go of the need to control every moment.  may we relish the flow of life, even the bumps in the road.  shalom. 

That Kind of Fool

i missed blogging last week because we had a house full of company for christmas.  it was hard to find a moment to myself to write.  i've decided to do more of a journaling blog.  so here is my first of these attempts.

this morning i listened to a talk by one of my teachers on the insight app.  in it, he talked about intentionality, of how we make a choice either to live with the intention of controlling our minds or to choose to let life happen and react to it.  as he talked about happiness, i realized that i'm happier than i've ever been in my life.  life is easier than it used to be.  i find joy in the little moments that crop up in my life.  i am more helpful to others, especially to my wife.  it's fun to do the necessary chores around the house, not because they have to be done, but because they make our lives more pleasant.

i find, too, that my wife is happier.  she doesn't fret as much about not having time to do everything that needs to be done.  she can do what she can one day, leaving the rest for another day, without worrying that she couldn't accomplish all she intended.  she goes to bed with a sense of accomplishment and looks forward to what may be accomplished when she awakens.  our lives together are more a partnership than they were in the past, and we rejoice in them.  may our happiness in our marriage continue.  

may others see the joy we find in life.  may it be our intention to control our minds rather than allowing our minds to control us.  shalom.

Olden Times and Ancient Rhymes

during this busy time of year, it's easy to get caught up in the tasks that we feel must be done.  the decorating, the cooking, the gift-buying and wrapping, and the preparations for christmas guests can consume us so that we don't take the time to appreciate the season's magical qualities.  i hear people saying in voices filled with frustration that they don't know how they'll ever get everything done.

 i must admit to feeling a little of this pre-christmas anxiety.  i haven't wrapped any of the presents i'm giving my wife, and i'm not sure when i'm going to take care of that chore.  my wife and i spent some time yesterday figuring out when to cook each dish we need to have ready for our guests when they come next weekend.  we want to have as much as possible done in advance so that we can spend time with them rather than in the kitchen.  we hope our prior planning will make life easier for us and give us a more relaxing christmas weekend.  

 

perhaps this is a part of being mindful:  to stop and think through how to accomplish what is needed, thus developing a plan to help us avoid a last minute panic.  i can remember years when christmas arrived and i was too exhausted with preparing for it that i couldn't enjoy it.  when i talked with my sister on the phone yesterday, she reminded me of how tired our mother often was at christmas because of all the work she had to do leading up to it.  as the rest of the family celebrated together, she was busy in the kitchen.  when she finally was able to sit down, she had no energy left to enjoy what should have been a festive season for her as well.

 

may we remember to take time for reflection.  may we see what the purpose of all the preparation is rather than being so caught up in the process.  may we simplify our lives when we can and think of ways to give ourselves time to just be in the moment.  may busyness not become a goal itself.  may we enjoy all that this season offers us.  shalom.

 

Up a Lazy River

my wife was raised in a household where the prevailing philosophy was "idle hands are the devil's workshop."  she and her siblings were taught that they must always be busy at some task, except when they were eating or sleeping.  their father was a stern man who worked from home, so the children never had a minute at home when he was not supervising them.  their mother worked in a sweatshop making coats eight hours a day and then returned home to clean and cook.  none of the family ever had a minute to spare.  if one of the children completed an assigned job, that child was given another assignment, even if a needless job had to be invented.

their father, who operated a car repair shop attached to the home, might empty a coffee can full of different sizes of washers and order one of the children to sort them by size.  he might send a child in search of a certain tool, all the while knowing that it was in the pocket of his coveralls.  that child didn't dare stop searching until her father "discovered" the tool in his pocket.  he kept a collection of wrecked cars to scavenge for parts.  as soon as they could see over the dashboard, the children had to drive these vehicles out into a field beside his garage every morning.  every evening they had to be driven back from the field into the parking area in front of the garage.  there was no reason for this shifting of the old wrecks, except that it gave the children practice at driving and created a job for them.

as can be imagined, this constant insistence on work carried over into the children's adult lives.  my wife and her siblings can't sit and relax without feeling guilty.  they are constantly finding reasons to be up and "doing something useful."  my wife will tell me that the next day she's going to take some time just to unwind, but when the next day comes, she begins it with a recitation of jobs that she intends to accomplish.  by the time all her list is completed or she gives some of them up in exhaustion, the unwinding time is gone.  over the years, she has come to realize that there is more to life than constantly working at something.  she can now sit down and visit with guests, even though there may be jobs that need doing.  she can sit down in the evenings after the kitchen is cleaned and watch television or play on her ipad.  a few years ago, such time spent relaxing would not have been possible for her.

we visited one of her sisters over thanksgiving and watched as she worked all the time we were there.  she couldn't sit through a meal without getting up several times to fetch something that was needed or to wait on one of the others who were gathered around the table.  another of her sisters is the same.  i don't believe either of them has ever completed a meal undisturbed.  my wife often tells her sisters that there is more to life than work, and she tries her best to take time to stop and enjoy her life without feeling compelled to "be busy."  while my wife works far too much, i'm glad she has been able to slow down a bit and take time for herself.  i've learned that she can let go of some of her work if i work along with her, helping her finish her to-do list more quickly. 

may we each let go of the compulsion to constantly keep busy.  may we allow ourselves the freedom to just be still.  may we learn to appreciate the sweetness of doing nothing.  shalom.